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Title: A Message From Broadmoor
Author: Harry Graham [
More Titles by Graham]
Altho' my brain is sound and well,
An' mentally I've nothing wrong,
They've locked me in a padded cell,
An' watches me the 'ole day long;
'Ow did I get in such a fix?
'Twas all along o' politics.
I'd studied Joe's Protection plan,
An' thought I'd see what I could do
To benefit my fellow-man
By practisin' 'is 'opeful view
That Exports is the all in all,
And Himports should be nil--or small.
So, when I stayed with Uncle Bill
(My visit ain't improved 'is manners),
I managed, when I left, to fill
My pockets with 'is best 'Avannahs;
The cigarettes I left be'ind
Was quite the cheapest I could find.
Yet Uncle Bill 'e couldn't see
That since 'is Exports far exceeded
'Is Himports--thanks, o' course, to me--
That was exactly what he needed
To make 'im prosperous again;
'E merely said I was insane!
'E couldn't understand, wot's more,
('E was a Cobdenite, an' still is),
Why, when I traded at the door
'Is hovercoat for Weary Willie's,
'E, not the tramp, 'ad been the gainer;
And yet--could anythink be plainer?
One day a foreign merchant fleet
Was anchored orf a British pier;
The cargo, mostly Russian wheat,
Designed for himportation 'ere;
True to my principles, that night
I blew it up with dynamite.
* * * * *
The jury was a set o' twelve
Old fossils o' the Asquith school;
The judge was one they ought to shelve;
My counsel was a bloomin' fool;
'E talked o' my 'disordered brain,'
An' never mentioned Chamberlain!
So now they've sent me to a spot
Congenial to my fiscal notions,
Which, as I needn't say, is not
The same as Devonsheer's or Goschen's.
But I'm not mad, I must insist:
I'm merely a Protectionist!
[The end]
Harry Graham's poem: Message From Broadmoor
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