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Title: The Three Doctors
Author: Thomas Moore [
More Titles by Moore]
_doctoribus loetamur tribus_.
1826.
Tho' many great Doctors there be,
There are three that all Doctors out-top,
Doctor Eady, that famous M. D.,
Doctor Southey, and dear Doctor Slop.[1]
The purger, the proser, the bard--
All quacks in a different style;
Doctor Southey writes books by the yard.
Doctor Eady writes puffs by the mile![2]
Doctor Slop, in no merit outdone
By his scribbling or physicking brother,
Can dose us with stuff like the one.
Ay, and _doze_ us with stuff like the other.
Doctor Eady good company keeps
With "No Popery" scribes, on the walls;
Doctor Southey as gloriously sleeps
With "No Popery" scribes on the stalls.
Doctor Slop, upon subjects divine,
Such bedlamite slaver lets drop,
Taat if Eady should take the _mad_ line,
He'll be sure of a patient in Slop.
Seven millions of Papists, no less,
Doctor Southey attacks, like a Turk;
Doctor Eady, less bold, I confess,
Attacks but his maid-of-all-work
Doctor Southey, for _his_ grand attack,
Both a laureate and pensioner is;
While poor Doctor Eady, alack,
Has been _had up_ to Bow-street for his!
And truly, the law does so blunder,
That tho' little blood has been spilt, he
May probably suffer as, under
The _Chalking_ Act, _known_ to be guilty.
So much for the merits sublime
(With whose catalogue ne'er should I stop)
Of the three greatest lights of our time,
Doctor Eady and Southey and Slop!
Should you ask me, to _which_ of the three
Great Doctors the preference should fall,
As a matter of course I agree
Doctor Eady must go to _the wall_.
But as Southey with laurels is crowned,
And Slop with a wig and a tail is,
Let Eady's bright temples be bound
With a swingeing "Corona _Muralis_!"[3]
NOTES:
[1] The editor of the Morning Herald, so nicknamed.
[2] Alluding to the display of this doctor's name, in chalk, on all the walls round the metropolis.
[3] A crown granted as a reward among the Romans to persons who performed any extraordinary exploits upon wall, such as scaling them, battering them, etc.--No doubt, writing upon them, to the extent Dr. Eady does, would equally establish a claim to the honor.
[The end]
Thomas Moore's poem: Three Doctors
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