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Title: Breitmann Interviews The Pope
Author: Charles G. Leland [
More Titles by Leland]
"Altri beva il Falerno, altri la Tolfa.
. . . . . . . .
Toscana re, dite
Pra ch'io parli dite."
Bacco in Toscano,
di Francisco Redi.
"Si regressum feci metro
Retro ante, ante retro-
Quid si graves sunt acuti?
Si accentus fiant muti?
Quid si placide, plene, plane
Fregi frontem Prisciani?-
Sat est Verbum declinavi
Titubo-titubas-titubavi."
Barnabæ Itinerarium. London, 1716.
VON efenin ash der Breitmann vent from his weinhaus vinkin,
So peepy mit Falernian vitch he vas starkly trinkin,
He found his hut and goat was gone, - dey'd dook em oud for dryin,-
Und in deir blace a priester hut und priester mantel lyin.
Der Breitmann poot de triangel oopon his het, and whistled,
Den rop de cloak around his form, and down de Corso mizzled.
De beoples gazed mit staunischment as bey dem he go vheelin,
He look ganz oltra tramontane, so twisty vas his reelin.
Next tay in Vaticano, while he shtared at frescoes o'er him,
Hans toorned und mit amazemend saw der Pabst vas shoost pefore him!
Down on his knees der Breitmann vent - for so de law it teaches;
He proke two holes in de bavement - und likevise shblit his preeches.
"Ego video," says de Bope - "tu es antistes ex Almania,
Est una mala gente et corrupta con insania,
Un fons hereticorum et malorum tut terrible,
Perche non vultis che ego - il Papa - sei infallibile."
"Sit verbo venia," said Hans, "permitte, Sancte Pater,
Num verum est ut noster rum gemixta est mit water?
In cœlis wo die götter live, non semper est sereno,
Nor de wein ash goot ash decet in each spaccio di vino.
"Sunt mihi multi fratres qui si denkunt ut dicisti,
Ego kickerem illos, validê, per sanguine de Christi!
In nostro monasterio si habemus nostrum rentum
Contra infallibilità non curamus rubrum centrum.[1]
"Viginti nostrorum nuper convenere,
In quondam capitulo, simul et dixere;
Papa vult Concilium in Romam tenere,
Quid debemus super hoc ipsi respondere?"[2]
Et dixit noster presul, "Es ist mir omnis unus,
Si Papa est infallibilis, tanquam non sum jejunus,
Si nonus est Pius aut Pius est Nonus-
Diabolis curat. Non accipio dieser onus.
"Si possum me jac&ebreve;re circum vitrum Rhenovini[3]
Es ist mir wurst si Papa est originis divini:
Deus se fecit olim homo, et nahm dis irds'che Leben,[4]
Et nunc Papa noster will sich selbst zum Gott erheben.
"Ita dixit Breitmann et sanctus Pater respondit:
Me piace semper intendere tutto cio che l'on dit,
Sed tu dic mihi la sua ragione:
Tu non homo natus es, solus mangiar maccheroni.
"Tonitrus et cespes!" dixit Johanes Breitmann.
"Si veritatem cupies, tunc ego sum der right man;
Percute semper ferrum dum caldum est et malleable,
Nunc est tuum tempus te facere infallible.
"In nostra America quum Præses decet abire,
Die ultimo fecit omne quod posset imaginire.
Appointet ambasciatores et post-magistros,
Consules et alios, per dextros et sinistros.
"Quum Rex Bomba ista Neapolit-anus,
Compulsus fuit to shin it - ut dixit Africanus-
Fecit ultimo die ducos et countos, vanus.
(Inter alios M'Closkey, tuus Hibernicus chanberlanus.)[5]
"Et quia tu es; ut credo; ultimus Poporum,
Facis bene devenire, quod dicitur High Cockalorum-
Sei magnissimus toad in the puddle, ite caput, magnamente;
Et ERITIS SICUT DEUS, nemine contradicente!
"Unus error solus, Sancte Pater commisisti.
Quia primus infallible non te proclamavisti,
Nam nemo audet dicere: Papa fecit quod non est bonus.
Decet semper jactare super alios probandi onus.
'Conceptio Immaculata, hoc modo fixisti,
Et nemo audet dicere unum verbum, de isti:
Non vides si infallibilis es, et vultis es exdare,[6]
Non alius sed tu solus hanc debet proclamare."
"Figlio mio," dixit Papa; "Tu es homo mirabilis,
Tua verba sunt mi dulcior quam ostriche cum Chablis
In tutta Roma, de Alemania gente,
Non ho visto uno con si grande mente.
"Vero benedetto es - eris benedictus,
Tibi mitterem photographiam in quo sum depictus.
Tu comprendes situatio - il punto et gravamen.
Sunt pauci clerici ut te. Nunc dico tibi. - Amen!"
FOOTNOTE 1.
"If we can in our monastery collect our rents, we do not care a red cent for infallibility."
FOOTNOTE 2.
This verse is parodied from the lines of a ribald old Latin song, "Viginti Jesuiti nuper convenêre."
FOOTNOTE 3.
"If I could throw myself outside of, or around, a glass of Rhenish wine." "If I could see a glass of whisky," said an American, "I'd throw myself outside of it mighty quick." Since writing the above, I have seen the expression thus given in a copy of La Belle Sauvage. - Bill of the Play, London, June 27, 1870.
"Nay these natives - simple creatures-
Had resolved that for the future
Each his own canoe would paddle,
Each his own hoe-cake would gobble,
And get outside his own whisky."
FOOTNOTE 4.
"Deus se fecit olim homo,"&c. A very curious epigram to this effect was placed upon "Pasquin" while the writer was in Rome, during a past winter. It was as follows:- "Perchè Eva mangio il pomo Iddio per riscattarci si fece uomo, Ed ora il Nono Pio Per mantenerci schiavi, si fa Dio."
FOOTNOTE 5.
M'Closky. An Irish adventurer, admirably depicted by Mr. Charles Lever.
FOOTNOTE 6.
"Do you not see that if you are infallible, and wish to give it out."
[The end]
Charles G. Leland's poem: Breitmann Interviews The Pope
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