New Light On An Old Fable

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Title:     New Light On An Old Fable
Author: Talbot Baines Reed [More Titles by Reed]

Part I. A DISCOVERY

What cannot one discover on an old bookstall? Who would have supposed I should have had the luck to pick up the extraordinary collection of newspaper-cuttings which are here presented to the reader?

The extracts speak for themselves. They present in a moderately connected form the story of a famous epoch in English history, and shed a flood of light on transactions which have long since passed into the region of myth.

Although the dates of months and days are given, the actual year to which the extracts refer is unfortunately left in obscurity. But from internal evidence, and certain references to current events, it is supposed that the date cannot have been later than the reign of King Arthur--or at any rate before the Saxon period.

I may say that in reading over the present account and the mythological story of Jack the Giant Killer, I am struck by several discrepancies in the commonly received tradition, and in the account of the manners and customs of the times here revealed. I make no attempt to reconcile the two versions, though I am decidedly of opinion that of the two the present may be accepted by the reader as the more authentic.

At any rate it is an editor's duty to give his story as he receives it, and to leave his readers to form their own conclusions.

The following, then, is an exact transcript of the newspaper extracts to which we have referred:

From the _Stilly Gazette_, June 30th.

Despatches from the mainland report that the season is now in full swing. The charming seaside resorts on this attractive coast are crowded with visitors. It is remarked, as a singular indication of the uncertainties attending excursion traffic, that the proportion of arrivals is greatly in advance of the departures. This is particularly noticeable in the neighbourhood of Giants' Bay, where the well-known hospitality of the residents appears to have an extraordinary fascination for visitors. It is rumoured that although fresh arrivals take place daily, and no departures are announced, the number of visitors remains comparatively stationary, and the place has at no time been inconveniently crowded. Altogether there seems to be every prospect of a prosperous season.

From the _Giants Bay Broadsheet_, July 2nd.

Fashionable Arrivals.--Giant Blunderbore's Hotel: Sir Cap a Pie, Lady a Pie, the Misses a Pie, Master Hugh a Pie, and suite, from London; the Reverend Simon Cellarer, from Lincoln; Monsieur et Madame Froggi and infant, from Rouen, etcetera, etcetera.

Giant Cormorants Hotel: Fifty members of the West Anglian Anthropomorphic Society, under the conduct of Professor Hardhide.

Giant Galligantus's Hotel: Eighty-two visitors have arrived within the last two days. There will be vacancies in a week.

Notice.--The band will play daily in Blunderbore Park. Public receptions by the Giants in the pump-room every afternoon. Private "At Homes" every evening. Applications should be made early.

Departure.--Since our last report one visitor has left Giants' Bay. As he omitted to discharge his hotel bill, we forbear, pending proceedings, to publish his name.

From the _West Anglian Anthropomorphism_, July 1st.

A party of fifty of our members, under the distinguished conduct of Professor Hardhide, our President, have gone to explore the natural and animal beauties of Giants' Bay. It is expected that the excursion will result in much valuable information respecting the celebrated tall men of that famous resort. Our colleagues, we understand, are occupying Giant Cormoran's commodious hotel, and are much delighted with the arrangements made by their genial host for their comfort. A meeting of the society is summoned for September 1st, to hear the report of their interesting investigations.

From the _Rouen Weekly Supplement_, July 1st.

Nous avons l'honneur d'annoncer que nos concitoyens distingues, Monsieur Alphonse Froggi, avec sa charmante femme et jolie enfant sont partis hier par le paquet. On dit que leur destination est la Baie des Geantes, a l'Angleterre, ou ils resteront a l'Hotel Geant Blunderbore.

From the _London Times_, July 1st.

Major-General Sir Cap a Pie has been ordered for his health to the south coast, and leaves to-day, with family and suite, for Giant Blunderbore's Hotel, Giants' Bay.

From the _Lincoln Daily Gossip_, June 30th.

After a season of unusual fatigue we are happy to be able to announce that our eloquent townsman, the Reverend Simon Cellarer, has at last decided to give himself a long-earned rest, and has left this day (Tuesday) for Cornwall, where he will spend a few weeks in seclusion at Giants' Bay. The reverend gentleman has, we are glad to say, taken his tricycle with him.

From the _Excursionist's Guide_.

Advertisement.--Cheap Daily Excursions. Special facilities. Return tickets at the price of single. Magnificent air. Sea bathing. Fine hotels--Blunderbore, Cormoran and Galligantus. Hundreds of visitors daily.

From the _Scampingtonian_ (the Holiday Number of the Scampington School Magazine).

The following from a Pie minor will be read with interest by our readers:--

"Blunderbore's, Giants' Bay.

"Dear Chappies,--I don't think much of Cornwall. The gingerbeer's beastly bad, and there's not a single chap here can play tennis. The bathing's only so so, and not a boat to be had except an old barge, which Blunderbore uses as a skiff. He's a regular rum Johnny, old Blunderbore; stands about 18 feet in his stockings, 108 inches round the chest, and got a voice to match. He's the boss of this place, and tries to be civil, people say. There's a jolly mixed lot at this hotel. A French chap who doesn't know his own language, at least he pretended not to when I talked to him and said, `Il regarde comme un mouille jour.' Any ass would know what that meant; you would yourselves. Then there's a lot of old fogies who belong to a society or something, and go and measure, old Blunderbore round the chest and biceps, and photograph him, and all sorts of tomfoolery. How'd they like it themselves? They say they're working in the interests of science. I'd like to catch any one working in the interests of science on my biceps! Rather a rum go yesterday. The governor and mater were asked to an `At Home' at Blunderbore's private house. I was asked too, but backed out. They went in full toggery, and haven't turned up again at the hotel. I asked Blunderbore, and he said he saw the last of them about eleven last night, and was very sorry when their visit came to an end. I suppose they've gone and lost themselves on the way home. I shall have to go and look for them. Blunderbore wants me to go to his next party, but I shall get out of it if I can. Ta, ta, chappies. It's jolly slow here. The only lively chap is a parson from Lincoln with a tricycle; also a medical fellow just turned up called Jack, a sort of dark horse, who doesn't talk to anybody.

"Yours ever,--

"Hugh a Pie.

"`P.S.--The fellow called Jack is a swell with the boxing-gloves. He doubled me up in two rounds, and it's not everybody could do that.'"

From the _West Anglian Anthropomorphist_, July 10th. [A communication from the learned President.]

I anticipate the more detailed account of this singular neighbourhood, which I hope to make when I address you at the meeting on September 1st, by a few preliminary notes on some most extraordinary anthropological discoveries which certain members of the society have recently made among the inhabitants of Giants' Bay. At a very early period of the world's history, midway, it is conjectured, between the glacial and basaltic epochs--that is to say, about 100,000 years before the creation of the world--there appears to have prevailed an unusual divergence in the normal stature of the mammal bipeds in the county of Cornwall.

Fossil remains indicate the primeval existence of an undersized race whose average height has been ascertained to be 4 feet 8.30562 inches. This precise figure has been calculated by a member of this society, from the measurement of an apparently human footprint discovered in the chalk deposit thrown up in course of the erection of a public lamp, in the vicinity of the Assembly Room. As the heavy rains of the last few days have unfortunately obliterated this interesting impression, the society is to be congratulated on the prescience of the member who was energetic enough to measure it while still existent.

In contrast to this diminutive race we have discovered traces of a gigantic race, still in existence. Three of these remarkable beings inhabit this locality, where they occupy high positions as proprietors of the leading hostelries of the place. Indeed, I _may_ say that the members of the society at the present time at Giants' Bay have the good fortune to be quartered on the premises of one of these singular specimens of a mammoth prehistoric civilisation. An opportunity is about to be given to each member singly to inspect the phenomenon thus opportunely brought under observation.

It need hardly be stated that the collaboration of the individual reports which it is proposed to make promises to result in one of the most important contributions to anthropological science which has ever been placed on record. The preliminary inspection is to be made by the president to-morrow; and it is expected that the complete report will be ready for the public about the end of the month.

From the _Giants Bay Broadsheet_, July 10th.

Fashionable Arrival.--Blunderbore Hotel: John Smith, M.D.; no address.

Announcement.--The band will play every evening in the hall of Blunderbore Hall, during the receptions. Applications for private interviews should be made at once. Owing to the unusual number desirous of an introduction, Giant Blunderbore will not be open to make any fresh appointment for a fortnight, when priority will be given to the first applicant.

Departure.--A few visitors have already left the bay, including Major- General Sir Cap a Pie and lady, who, however, have left their family at the Blunderbore Hotel, and are expected to return. Monsieur and Madame Froggi also remain, but their infant has departed.

From the _Stilly Gazette_, July 15th.

Our Giants' Bay correspondent reports a steadily maintained influx of visitors. As a proof of the popularity of this Elysian spot, it may be remarked that only one visitor has left within the last fortnight.

From the _Evening Tell-Tale_, London, July 15th.

Mysterious Affair at a Seaside Watering-Place.--

Disappearance of a Lincoln Clergyman.--A remarkable rumour reaches us from Giants' Bay. Among the numerous visitors to this popular place of resort during the last fortnight was the Reverend Simon Cellarer, an eminent divine hailing from Lincoln. Mr Cellarer, who travelled to Giants' Bay on his tricycle, and was staying at the Blunderbore Grand Hotel, has, it appears, been missing since the 8th inst., when he was seen in his usual good health and spirits exercising on his machine in the grounds of the hotel.

As abrupt departures are not uncommon at seaside places of resort, no notice of his absence appears to have been taken for a day or two. On his failure to return, however, after three days, inquiries were at once instituted, and the reverend gentleman's tricycle was found, apparently undamaged, in the grounds. Further search was rewarded by the discovery of his boots and spectacles in the vicinity: but up to the time of going to press we have no intelligence that the gentleman himself has come to light.

From the _London Times_, July 18th.

Advertisement.--Lost, strayed, or stolen, a father and mother, answering to the name of Sir Cap and Lady a Pie. Respectable, well-dressed, quiet manners. Last seen at Blunderbore Hotel, Giants' Bay, July 8th. The former was in full armour. Any one giving information as to what they are up to will receive half a crown reward. If they return, all shall be forgiven.--Apply to Hugh a Pie, at the above address.

From the _Giants Bay Broadsheet_, July 20th.

Giant Blunderbore is, we regret to say, indisposed. He is suffering from a sharp attack of dyspepsia. For the present his receptions will be suspended. Giants Cormoran and Galligantus, though also to some extent sufferers from the same complaint, have very kindly undertaken to receive visitors daily from two till eight.

Notice.--In future, no one in armour, or occupying the office of president of any learned society, will be admitted.

From the _Evening Tell-Tale_, July 22th.

The Giants' Bay Mystery.--

Alleged Further Disappearances.--

Extraordinary Rumours.--Up to the present time no trace has been found of the missing clergyman at Giant's Bay. Sinister rumours prevail of other persons being missing, including a distinguished military gentleman and his lady, and a foreign infant. The police we understand, do not attach much importance to this or any other rumour.

From the _Lincoln Weekly Supplement_, July 22th.

Great gloom has fallen over this otherwise cheerful city in consequence of the rumoured disappearance of our esteemed and reverend townsman, the Reverend Simon Cellarer, from Giants' Bay.

With its usual enterprise, the _Supplement_ has despatched a special commissioner to the scene of the mystery, with instructions to interview the leading persons in the place, including the giants, and make a full report of the circumstances attending the abrupt disappearance of the reverend missing one.

Full particulars may be expected in our next; which, to meet the demands of our numerous readers, will be charged twopence instead of a penny. It is proposed to reserve one sheet for advertisements. Applications for space should be made at once.

From the _Anthropomorphist_, July 25th.

We regret to say we are unable to publish a further instalment of the report of the deeply interesting investigations being made at the present time by our members in Giants' Bay.

Contrary to expectation, no communication has been received for several days. We shall endeavour to accommodate the extra matter which may be expected in our next by issuing a double number, which will be charged one shilling instead of sixpence. In response to numerous requests we beg to intimate that a limited number of advertisements will be inserted, for which application should be made at once.

 

Part II.

From the _Stilly Gazette_, July 24th.

We understand that the last arrival at Giants' Bay has been our talented young fellow-islander Dr John Smith. Dr Smith has arrived at the Bay at an opportune time, as we hear that Giant Blunderbore is ill, and will doubtless avail himself of his guest's well-known professional services.

From the _Giants' Bay Broadsheet_, July 27th.

The following bulletin has been issued: "Giant Blunderbore is still suffering from the effects of his recent sharp attack of indigestion; but is better. His appetite is good; and he feels able to resume his receptions."

Later.--Giant Blunderbore has had a slight relapse, and some anxiety is felt as to his condition. Dr Smith, of Scilly, at present resident in the hotel, has been called in, and a consultation is about to take place. Meanwhile Giants Cormoran and Galligantus are prepared to receive visitors daily at 3 and 8 p.m.

From the _Evening Tell-Tale_, July 28th.

The Missing Tourists.--

Extraordinary Rumours.--No News of the Lincoln Clergyman.--

Fifty Scientific Men Missing.--The most astonishing rumours continue to come in from Giants' Bay. In addition to the disappearance recorded in a recent issue, we have received information that a whole congress of anthropomorphists has been missing for a week. They were quartered at Cormoran's Hotel, where their personal effects still remain.

Many conjectures are afloat, the most reasonable of which appears to point to the probability of the unfortunate tourists having been engulfed in the sands, which at certain states of the tide are said to be highly dangerous along this coast.

Later.--At the Round Table to-night a question was asked as to the extraordinary disappearances reported from Giants' Bay. The Home Secretary requested the hon, member to give notice of the question for this day week.

From the _Giants Bay Broadsheet_, July 28th.

The following bulletins have been issued:--

12:30 p.m.--Giant Blunderbore is decidedly worse. Contrary to medical advice, he partook of a hearty meal last night. Dr Smith is still in attendance.

4 p.m.--Giant Blunderbore lies in a hopeless state. He has again disregarded medical advice, and eaten solid food. Dr Smith is still in attendance.

8 p.m.--It is with the deepest regret that we have to announce the death of our esteemed patron Giant Blunderbore, which took place suddenly this evening, after a somewhat painful operation. Details are not yet forthcoming; but we expect to issue an extra double number to-morrow, with a coloured photograph of the deceased. As only a limited number will be printed, copies should be ordered early. The attention of advertisers is drawn to the present unusual opportunity.

Latest.--Just as we go to press we hear that Dr Smith has been summoned to attend Giant Cormoran, who is ailing of a complaint which presents symptoms similar to those of the late Giant Blunderbore.

From the _Scampingtonian_, July 27th.

Dear Chappies,--No end of a go! Can't find my people high or low. People been sloping off all round. Fancy I know why now. On Monday I saw Blunderbore's door open as I passed, and I thought I'd pop in and see what he knew about it. He was sitting in his chair, looking jolly blue.

"What's up, Blundy?" I said.

"I'm awfully hungry," said he.

"Why don't you have some grub?" I said.

"Doctors won't let me," said he. "You see, a week ago I happened to eat something that disagreed with me. Between me and you," said he, "it was a knight in armour. I didn't mind the knight, but the armour gave me a very bad turn."

"Do you know," said I, "that was my governor?"

"My dear boy," said he, "I'm awfully sorry. I feel for you. I wish I hadn't done it--sincerely. But a fellow must live. Really, I sympathise with you; let me grasp your hand."

"Not if I know it, you cad," said I; "and where's my mother?"

"That's another thing that troubles me," said he. "Tell me, did she wear a brocaded silk gown with beads? Most unlucky for us both! Beads never did agree with me. It's a warning to both of us to be more particular. Really, you _must_ let me grasp your hand."

"Not much!" said I. "Look here, Blunderbore, I mean to show you up. I'll let some of our fellows know about you, and you see if they don't make you sit up before long."

"I feel much more like lying down," said he. "Would you mind handing me that medicine bottle?"

"Don't you wish _you_ may get it!" said I, and cut.

I told Jack Smith about it, and he was no end riled. I must say, I feel riled myself. It's specially awkward, because the mater had our return tickets in her pocket; and I can't get away from here. I wish you'd send me a sov., some of you. I'll square up after vac.

Yours ever, Hugh a Pie.

P.S.--Here's a go! Old Blunderbore's gone at last! Smith says it was the steel armour inside him that did it. Serves him jolly well right!

From the _Giants' Bay Broadsheet_, July 29th.

It is with feelings almost akin to consternation that we announce the sudden and critical illness of our esteemed fellow-citizen Giant Cormoran. The regret with which we make this announcement will be shared by all those visitors to this charming retreat who during the last months have come into contact with the amiable and accommodating gentleman.

Giant Cormoran is one of the old school of Englishmen whom we can ill afford to lose. Capacious in mind and body, with a large sense of humour, of strict personal integrity, and a hearty enjoyment of life, it is indeed sad to think of him at the present moment as lying on a bed of languishing, from which it is doubtful whether he will rise more. Very little news leaks out from the sick-chamber. Dr Smith is in regular attendance, and, according to a curt bulletin published an hour ago, reports his patient's condition as exceedingly grave: "Giant Cormoran is in a state of collapse. There is a complete loss of nervous power. The patient has quite lost his head."

We have no doubt that the melancholy death of his comrade Giant Blunderbore has seriously affected his nerves. Happily, his condition spares him the additional pang of knowing that Giant Galligantus is also on the sick list, with what it is feared is a mild attack of the prevailing epidemic. Later.

The following bulletins have just appeared: "The condition of Giant Cormoran remains unchanged.

"John Smith, M.D."

"Giant Galligantus is suffering from a severe shock to the system, with complications. It is feared that the attack is of a similar nature to that of Giants Blunderbore and Cormoran.

"John Smith, M.D."

Latest.--Giant Cormoran is no more. A memoir will appear in our next. Special space will be reserved for advertisements on the cover.

From the _Evening Tell-Tale_, August 1st.

The Giants' Bay Mysteries.--

The Plot Thickens.--

Sudden Death of Giants.--

Rumoured Government Intervention.--

Further Wholesale Disappearances.--The plot thickens at Giants' Bay. Two of the leading giants of the place, Giants Blunderbore and Cormoran, have died of what is apparently an acute gastric epidemic. Meanwhile hundreds of inquiries are pouring into the place respecting missing relatives and friends. It is stated that an entire learned society has disappeared.

Owing to the urgent representations of the _Tell-Tale_ and other journals, the Government has at last awakened to a sense of the gravity of the situation. At the Round Table last night a commission was appointed to inquire into the matter. It will meet this day week, and after appointing president and secretary, adjourn till October.

The police are reticent; but on inquiry at the head office we understand that search is being made in the atlas for Giants' Bay. For the information of our readers, we give a map of the locality of the mysteries, and fancy portraits of the three giants. During the present excitement, and in the interests of our subscribers, it has been decided permanently to double the price of the _Tell-Tale_.

From the _West Anglian Anthropomorphist_, August 2nd.

In the continued unexplained absence of the president and members of the society, the usual meetings will not be held in August. We may point out for the benefit of advertisers that a considerable amount of additional space will thus be available for their announcements.

From the _Giants' Bay Broadsheet_, August 3rd.

It is with feelings of unfeigned melancholy that we announce the demise of our excellent neighbour Giant Galligantus, after a brief illness. The lamented giant never rallied from the nervous shock which overtook him a few days since. Although details are still a-wanting, we understand that his head was seriously affected. Dr John Smith was in attendance to the last. Further particulars, with an extra supplement and portrait memoirs of the three giants, will be given in our next. In order not to disappoint our readers and advertisers, the prices in each department will be further doubled.

Departure.--John Smith, Esquire, M.D., has left Giants' Bay.

From the _Hue and Cry_, August 14th. Police Notice.

Whereas several persons have recently disappeared from the neighbourhood of Giants' Bay, in the county of Cornwall, a reward of One Pound will be offered to any person, not a principal, who shall give any information leading to the detection of the aforesaid.

From the _Evening Tell-Tale_, August 6th.

Our special correspondent at Giants' Bay writes: "The excitement here is unabated. All sorts of conjectures are afloat. General opinion seems to connect the wholesale disappearance of tourists and the sudden death of the three giants as parts of the fiendish scheme of some person unknown. The miscreant is supposed to be interested in some other watering-place.

"We have been fortunate enough to secure a personal interview with the celebrated Dr John Smith, whose remarks--in view of his recent close personal relations with the deceased giants--will be read with interest. We found the youthful doctor enjoying a fragrant weed in the verandah of his father's bijou residence in Scilly.

"`A beautiful day, doctor,' we said, taking the vacant seat beside him.

"`Is it?' replied he, placing his two feet in a graceful attitude on the elaborately-polished balustrade of the balcony.

"`Heard of you at Giants' Bay,' we remarked, by way of leading up to the subject. There was a pause, and then the doctor replied, `Oh!'

"`A strange affair the sudden mortality in that place, doctor.'

"`What about it?' was the unexpected rejoinder, as the man of physic slowly assumed a standing attitude.

"He was dressed in a light check suit, which reflected considerable credit on the provincial tailor who made it.

"`That's the question,' we replied, with a touch of humour.

"The doctor appeared to feel the heat, but presently recovered sufficiently to call our attention to the peculiar make of his boots. They were large, with flapped uppers and clumped soles, and could hardly have cost less than a guinea the pair. We congratulated him warmly upon his possession. Dr Smith was evidently proud of them.

"`See them?' said he, pointing to the right foot.

"We nodded a friendly assent, inwardly amused at our friend's eccentricity.

"`Do you see that hill there?' said he, abruptly pointing over our shoulder.

"We turned to look. It was indeed a fine view which met our eyes--a view of which any native of Scilly might be proud. We were about to make an observation to the effect, when he interrupted us.

"`Feel them?'

We certainly did feel something--not in front of us--and not being anxious to take up more of our friend's valuable time, we thanked him for his courtesy and retired.

From the _Round Table Hansard_, August 25th.

Giants' Bay Select Committee.--Lord Merlin was in the chair. The committee sat for a short time to draw up rules of procedure and arrange an adjournment. It was decided to prorogue the inquiry for six months, in order to allow witnesses to attend. A brief discussion ensued on the question of costs, and a short Bill was drafted, which it is proposed to add to the estimates.

The Chairman expressed an opinion that an additional twopence on the income-tax would amply cover the costs of the commission; and it was agreed to await the passing of the Bill before fixing the date for the next meeting. The committee then adjourned.

From the _Giants' Bay Broadsheet_, September 10th.

Preliminary Notice.--On the 1st of April next, at the Mart, will be sold those three eligible hotels--namely, Blunderbore Hotel, Cormoran Hotel, and Galligantus Hotel, pleasantly situated in Giants' Bay, Cornwall, commanding fine views of the sea. These palatial houses, standing in their own grounds, are fitted with every comfort and replete with every convenience. Fixtures at a valuation. By order of the executors of the late Giants Blunderbore, Cormoran, and Galligantus.

Catalogues and orders to view on application.

From the _Army Gazetteer_, December 1st.

Captain Tom Thumb to be Major-General, _vice_ Sir Cap a Pie, deceased.

From the _Lincoln Weekly Supplement_, December 25th.

The Reverend Friar Tucker has been appointed to the living lately held by the Reverend Simon Cellarer.

From the _West Anglian Anthropomorphist_, January 1st.

At a meeting held last week it was decided to reorganise this society. A new president was elected. It was announced that an exhibition would be offered yearly, to be called the "Hardhide Exhibition," for the best essay on the gigantic remains of south-west Britain.

From the _Scampingtonian_, January 25th.

Term has begun. We are glad to say that our chum, a Pie--now Sir Hugh a Pie--has been unanimously elected captain of the football club.

From the _Stilly Gazette_, April 3rd.

At the mart on Monday were sold the three Giant Hotels of Giants' Bay. The bidding was very slack, but we understand the lots were eventually knocked down to a dealer in old bricks.

Our respected fellow-islander, Dr John Smith, has had the honour of being presented at court, where his Majesty has been pleased to confer on him several stripes, and the order of the Giant Killer. A public reception is to be held in the market-place to welcome home Sir John Smith, G.K., M.D., on his return from London.

From the _Giants' Bay Broadsheet_, June 1st.

The offices of this paper being now closed, subscribers are requested to forward outstanding accounts by return to Messrs. Payup and Shellout, Solicitors, London.

[The end]
Talbot Baines Reed's short story: New Light On An Old Fable

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