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The Life and Adventures of Maj. Roger Sherman Potter, a novel by F. Colburn Adams |
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Chapter 30. Which Treats Of How The Major Received The Calls Of Distinguished Persons... |
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_ CHAPTER XXX. WHICH TREATS OF HOW THE MAJOR RECEIVED THE CALLS OF DISTINGUISHED PERSONS, AND HOW HE DISCOVERED THE OBJECT OF HIS MISSION
The major spent the rest of the morning in receiving calls, for divers distinguished persons had read his speech in the newspapers, and were eager to pay homage to one of such rare gifts. Among them were prominent members of the Chamber of Commerce, who intimated that he might condescend to make them a speech from the Exchange steps, on the affairs of the nation; members of the Board of Brokers; citizens distinguished for their bountiful charities; members of the Union Club, who suggested that they would propose him for a member; members of the New York Club, who knew he would like to become a member of their body, which consisted of distinguished persons only, and kept the best imported wines and cigars. A person of lean visage, who constituted himself a delegate from the Century Club, begged to inform the major that the club was composed of poor but very respectable literary persons, who eschewed liquors and cigars, and were about introducing a by-law for the admission of ladies, which it was hoped would prove a regulator to the good conduct of all aspiring youths. The club, he knew, would be most happy to make him a member. A delegation from the Knickerbocker represented their club as the most cosy place imaginable; as for the members, they had so strong a turn for literature, that they had elected a grocer for president, and an actor for secretary. A visit from him would indeed be held as a high honor; and as it was strictly forbidden that any member discover inebriation before ten o'clock, he could not fail of spending a cheerful hour with them. Each brought some such powerful argument to sustain their comparative claims to his favorable consideration. He also received invitations to visit various factories, and become a member of certain charitable societies for the taking care of widows and orphans, and poor authors with large families. In truth, one might have thought they imagined him a man capable of conquering the world with thirty thousand troops, such was the plentiful pile of invitations spread over his table. Even Hall wrote to say faro was played on the square at his establishment, which was visited by none but gentlemen of fashion and circumstance. Mrs. Wise, too, intimated in one of the most delicately perfumed billets, that her soirees were the most select in the city, and if so distinguished a major would honor her with a call, she would guarantee the rest. The major had much to say to all who visited him; and though they listened with particular attention, there was something so strange about him, that, notwithstanding they would, in the coolness of their judgment, have set him down for an insane man, they could not reconcile such a condition of mind with the masterly speech in the morning papers. They were also much disappointed at his appearance, for he resembled more a corsair, or a pirate, than a great politician. And as his coat was threadbare, and his hair short cropped, many thought him a man who could better maintain his dignity at a distance, though heaven might send him fortune and earth give him bounties. But as neither the man of commerce nor the man of letters were capable of fully appreciating a military genius, who found his reward in buffets and hardships, and frequently wore the tattered garments in which he had gained his laurels, it was not to be expected that his preeminence would be recognized at first sight by any but his companions in arms. Hence he found inexpressible pleasure in the calls of several persons, who, though they had never smelled the perfumery of war, took great delight in the appellation of generals. One of these was as great a general as New York was capable of producing, and set much value upon his valor, though the only columns he was known to have led to battle, were those of a ponderous newspaper, in which was carefully preserved all the spice and essence of a wonderful warrior. He could write destructive three column articles with perfect ease, gave extensive tea parties to very respectable ladies, had an opinion ready on all great questions, could get up his choler or his pistol at the shortest notice, could lay his magnificent pistol away as quietly as any other man when the occasion for it was over; and he could, if the nation would only spare him, govern the world with the same refreshing coolness that he could sip chocolate at Lord Twaddlepole's table, which was a high honor with him. If, I say, this good man and excellent general had a weakness, it was for exhibiting his nakedness with all the embroidery, and for letting mankind in general know that he had joined the church, which latter was well enough, seeing that it atoned for numerous bygone backslidings. And as he stood in his boots, nearly two feet taller than the major, it was curious to witness the elongation of the little, rotund figure that stood bowing before him. "I see, sir," spoke the general, whose name was Toadytrip, "that you are a soldier, and belong to the noble profession, in which I flatter myself I have obtained distinction, though it has fallen short of my expectations." The major received the general with becoming courtesy, and after expressing his gratification at meeting so famous a companion in arms, inquired as to the wars he had fought in, and what number of scars he had received. Toadytrip fussed himself into a state of very general self sufficiency, and was at first not a little embarrassed; but at length he replied, that though he had never been in battle, he was ready to serve him with meal or metal in any of his undertakings. They now shook hands, and strengthened their friendship over a little brandy, for the general was an advocate of temperance only when it applied to others. "You must know, sir," said the major, "that I am no scurvy fellow, but a man who has stood the devil knows how much buffeting in politics. I have made eight and twenty speeches, sir, in a month; and it was said of me that no man could better them. And if you would know more of my doings, please refer to my companions in the Mexican War." "Your fame makes that unnecessary. To-morrow I give a tea party, and among the rest of my guests I expect a bishop and a nobleman, who is traveling over the country. They are both honest men, and as jolly fellows as can be found in the land. Honor us with your company, sir, and I warrant you entertainment of no common kind; for there will not be one of the lower order among my guests, and the high promotion you have obtained must, I am sure, be the result of many battles, which my friends will be delighted to hear an account of." The major was delighted with the compliment, but, as will hereafter be shown, was not in a condition to honor the general's tea party with his presence. And the general, having expressed his gratification at this meeting, took his departure, with many bows and assurances of friendship. When he was gone, there came several equally great generals and colonels, though editors of smaller newspapers; several of these promised him the support of their columns in any great undertaking he might embark in. This was especially so with the editors of the Celt, and the Irish Citizen, both of which gentlemen only asked that he would give them a pledge not to form an alliance with the English. In addition to this, they discovered a strong inclination for what was in the bottle, of which the major gave them to drink, and sent them home happy. It being now two o'clock, the major ordered a black bombazine frock coat from Wyman's, and the committee of reception having arrived with a carriage, he immediately entered it, and was rolled away for the City Hall, where he was received with much pomp and ceremony by Don Fernando, who embraced the opportunity to make a speech, such as, he fancied, Demosthenes never excelled. And the major replied with his customary rhodomontade. Both considered the event an extraordinary one, auguring greater things to themselves. It must, in truth, be said of Don Fernando, that he could receive guests with a courtliness truly wonderful. I have not, however, thought it necessary to record his speech here, inasmuch as it bore a strong resemblance to such as may daily be found in the morning papers. When they had sufficiently exchanged compliments, Don Fernando took great pains to show the major several objects of greatest interest in the Hall, among which was his corpulent chief of police, and a little man of the name of Sampson Queerquirk, who was his lawyer and factotum. He then took him by the arm, and they sallied out into a great hall, the walls of which were hung with portraits of mayors and other great men. Indeed it seemed as if it were a malady with mayors to admire their own portraits. The small modicum of vanity which slumbered in Don Fernando's bosom quickly took fire, and deeming it the height of discretion not to overlook any thing that might be of deep interest to so great a visitor, he pleasantly added, that a portrait of himself would soon enhance the splendors of the gallery. And in order to give more perfection to the reception, and to make it in every way worthy of so great a politician, he had his troop of worthy policemen drawn up in front of the City Hall, where they performed a series of marches and counter-marches with such wonderful precision, that Don Fernando offered to wager a thousand acres of land in California that a more orderly body of men was not to be found. The major expressed himself delighted with what he saw of them. "Indeed, sir," said he, "I am pleased to see that they carry their clubs like men accustomed to a mighty master. And let malicious scribblers say what they will of them, I make no doubt they will either keep or break the peace at your bidding." At this Don Fernando blushed, but was cautious not to whisper a word about their agility for smashing skulls, and sleeping at street corners, which was truly wonderful. The major returned thanks for the high honor paid him, and taking leave of Don Fernando, with many assurances of esteem for his great administrative abilities, repaired to his carriage, and returned to the hotel, where he met with a misfortune, the quality of which will be related in the next chapter. _ |
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