Chapter 9. How Major Roger Potter Got His Dinner...

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_ CHAPTER IX. HOW MAJOR ROGER POTTER GOT HIS DINNER, MADE AN EXCHANGE OF CHICKENS, AND TOOK LEAVE OF MRS. TROTBRIDGE

HAD Major Roger Potter been as well qualified to take advantage of a political necessity, as the cunning quality of his gallantry in this instance fully testified, he was to get the better in a matter of trade, he had never fallen from so high an estate as that of defending the nation's honor to that of selling tin ware and shoe pegs.

The major, saying he had an inert sympathy for the humble, and that nothing had so much pleased him as to do Mrs. Trotbridge service, now commenced to set her table, which he did with the familiarity of a good housewife, while the anxious woman bestirred herself in preparing dinner, expressing her doubts as she did so, that her efforts would not meet our expectations. Suddenly remembering that I was so great a politician, the good woman, having made sundry inquiries concerning my wants, bethought herself that I would like a book to while away the time; so, leaving her stew pan in charge of the Major, who, having set the table with great exactness, was seated upon a small stool at the fireside, beating the doughnut batter in a bowl on his lap, she proceeded to a small book-rack over a window, and brought me a copy of Elder Boomer's last sermons, the reading of which she was fully assured in her own mind would interest me.

The major interposed (wiping his portentous belly, which had become disfigured with batter,) by saying that seeing the book advertised by the publishers (who were men of truth in all matters concerning their trade) as the greatest of recently published works, he got a copy for Mrs. Potter, who declared it a wonderful book, and had lent it to all the neighbors, who had read it until nothing would do but they must get up a religious revival. Indeed, if things kept on as they were going, there would soon not be a sinner left in the region round about Barnstable, such a change had the book worked in the pious feelings of the good people. I seated myself beside a window that overlooked the little garden, and turned over the leaves of the book, affecting to be deeply interested in it, but really listening to an interesting colloquy that was being kept up between the good woman and the major, at whose side several little flaxen headed urchins had crouched down, and with an air of paternal regard, watched intently in his face as he compounded the batter with so much force and energy, that at least one half it was lost in spatters over their features. And while doing this, so eager was the major to ascertain the exact state of Mrs. Trotbridge's affairs, that the increase of her pigs and poultry formed a prominent feature in his inquiries. She had let her little farm of thirty acres out on shares to neighbor Zack Slocum, who was esteemed the best crop-getter this side of the crossroads. The peach trees, of which she had seven ranged along the little picket fence round the garden, gave no very strong evidence of doing much, while the cherry tree over the well was touched with blight; but for all that she felt that providence would in some way enable her to scrape up fruit enough to get over the winter. What was deficient in one part of the country was made up by the plenty of another. She had recently, however, felt a great drawback in the bad times consequent upon the policy of the present administration. At last she had been told it was the folks in power at Washington who had made times so hard, that the wealthy manufacturer for whom she "binded" the shoes her boys stitched, could only give two cents a pair, where formerly he gave two and a half. But the cunning fellow, who was the sharpest kind of a straight Whig, said if they got their side in at the next election, he would come back to old prices, with cash instead of store pay. Mrs. Trotbridge hoped it might be so, for the half cent was a serious loss to a family so humble. But she was at a loss to account how it was that if times were so hard, the manufacturer, who could not afford to pay old prices, wanted a greater number of shoes bound, and would hurry her life out to have them done in less time than it were possible to do them.

The good woman, considering herself honored by such military and political greatness, spread her table with fried bacon and new laid eggs, and the cold pork and beans left over from yesterday, a few shavings of dried beef, currant jelly of the most tempting kind, doughnuts, hot and fresh out of the bacon fat, and bread made of wheat raised on the two acre patch across the road, and to which she added a cup of tea so delicate in flavor that it would have made a Dutch grandmother return thanks to the East India Company. In truth there was a snowy whiteness in the table linen, and a nicety and freshness of flavor in the viands one only finds at a country house in New England, and which those accustomed to the "hudgey smudgey" cooking at the great hotels of cities cannot appreciate.

The good woman regretted that she could not add a mug of cider, for since the temperance folks had shut up the tavern kept by General Aldrich, at the village, travelers with a taste for that article had to thirst and keep on to Barnstable. "May heaven vouchsafe you plenty of such good fare," said the major, taking his seat at the head of the table, as we drew up and engaged the bacon and eggs with appetites that were sharpened to the keenest edge. And so fiercely did the major gorge himself, showing no respect for the last piece upon any plate, that the little urchins, who had occupied seats at the table, began to gaze upon him with wonder and astonishment, and to slink away, one after another, to relieve their pent up mirth. Indeed, so formidable was the onset he made upon the bacon and eggs, that I found it necessary to withdraw after the first fire, lest the good hostess be compelled to call her frying pan into use a second time. Having finished the humble but grateful meal, we proceeded, at the desire of the major, to examine the pig and poultry yard. Her two cows, she said, twitching her head in satisfaction, had had fine thriving calves, and the old sow had a nice increase of fifteen little spotted rascals, as round and plump as foot-balls. As for poultry, the only kind that had not done well was her turkeys. And of this there was visible testimony in four dyspeptic young ones that walked sleepily around two old ones, kept up a very ill-natured whimpering, and in addition to being featherless were quite as much bedowned as the face of a freshman. The major, who had a remedy for everything, set at once to prescribing for their distempers, which he swore by his military reputation they could be purged of by taking homopathic pills dissolved in the smallest quantity of Wistar's Balsam of Wild Cherry. He had not the slightest doubt but that by following up this course of medicine a sufficient length of time, the ill-feathered patients would be restored to a happy state of health, and become popular fowls at the poultry show. The medicine was as harmless as need be, though extremely expensive. There was a satisfaction, however, in knowing that their valuable lives could in no way be endangered by an over dose.

Expressing his entire satisfaction with the appearance of Mrs. Trotbridge's poultry, the major fastened his keen eyes upon six fine black feet pullets, the possession of which he at once began to covet. And to that end did he proceed to discourse on the value of Shanghais, inviting Mrs. Trotbridge, at the same time, to take a peep at the rare lot of that breed of chickens he had in the coop. The good woman followed him to his wagon, where he dismounted his coop, and revealed as scurvy a lot of chickens as eye ever rested upon, all of which he swore by his military reputation, would come to rare Shanghais, and get big enough to eat off barrel-heads in less than two months. Indeed, such was the wonderful account given of these fowls by our hero, that the simple-minded woman would have pledged her farm for no more than a pair. "La's me! do tell. Eat off barrel heads in two months! Mean flour barrels, I 'spose?" ejaculated the good woman, drawlingly, as her urchins gathered round, peering eagerly in through the slats of the coop.

"Just so," returned the major; "know a chicken of this breed that grew so tall, that he would follow wagons going to mill, and feed out of the hind end." In reply to an inquiry as to how she could become the owner of a pair, money being a scarce article with her just now, the major said he would, in view of his anxiety to do her service, let her pick two, for which he would take in exchange the six black feet pullets. For this profession of his generosity, the good woman returned a thousand thanks; and the black feet were forthwith transferred to the major's coop, while she took possession of what she esteemed a rare prize.

Finding there was no more to be made of his generous hostess, the boys harnessed old Battle, and taking leave of her with divers expressions of friendship and regret, we mounted and proceeded on our journey, four urchins clinging to the tail of the wagon, cheering at the top of their voices until we had lost sight of the house. _

Read next: Chapter 10. The Major Resumes The Story Of His Adventures In New York

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