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L.P.M. : The End of the Great War, a novel by J. Stewart Barney |
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Chapter 36. Think Of It! Why Not? |
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_ CHAPTER XXXVI. THINK OF IT! WHY NOT? Edestone, in the meantime, through Sir Egbert Graves, had communicated with the King of England, politely calling His Majesty's attention to what he was doing, and begging that he would call upon his Allies to stop all hostilities, and intimating that the same treatment would be meted out to any who declined to comply with His Majesty's request. He also suggested that it was his sincere hope that His Majesty would call to a conference the representatives of the nations of Europe to discuss the settling of all questions that had caused the war, or had grown out of it, as well as the possible methods of securing for the world perpetual peace. He stated that he would put at His Majesty's disposal the Little Peace Maker if it were necessary in order to accomplish this. He intimated that, if it were perpetual peace that was sought, much time and many lives would be saved if all would, of their own accord, each for himself, do what he was doing for Germany as fast as possible, namely, destroy all ships and implements of war. This raised a storm of protest, and international notes burned the ether of space as they flashed back and forth. Even the United States entered the controversy, seeming to have at last found something sufficiently threatening to her interests and insulting to her dignity to cause her to take her place with the other nations of the world. Edestone was inundated with communications from the different nations, drawn in the most bombastic manner; for although they must have by this time realized that they were absolutely in his power, they were unable to set aside the boastful method of addressing their fellow-men which they had inherited from their savage ancestors, who, standing half-naked around the council fire, tried by this method to throw terror into the hearts of their listeners. To all this he made but one reply, which was that nations which came together for the purpose of sincerely discussing universal peace must come absolutely unarmed, and those who refused so to do should be disarmed by force. When these protests finally took the form of an approaching coalition of the nations of the earth for the purpose of his destruction, his answer was to take possession quietly of two or three of the largest plants in Europe, which he forced to run to replenish the Little Peace Maker with munitions of war. After a diplomatic correspondence had gone on, extending over several weeks, and Edestone had punctuated his demands with an occasional sinking of a battleship or destruction of a powder plant belonging to the nations who stood out against him, after he had visited all of the principal capitals, and representatives of the Governments had come on board to discuss with him, his terms were finally agreed upon, and the date for this great meeting was fixed. He declined to negotiate with any, other than the absolute heads of the respective Governments, and after much discussion all precedent was set aside, and it was agreed that the conference should be held on board of the Little Peace Maker. Franz Josef I., Emperor of Austria; Wilhelm II., Emperor of Germany; George V., King of England; Nicholas II., Czar of Russia; the President of the French Republic; Mr. Cockadoo of the United States of America, together with a company of lesser lights, all with suites in keeping with their rank, were there received and entertained by him. Lawrence, accepting the position of Room Clerk, took great pride and pleasure in seeing that everyone was properly installed. This was not, however, his official position, as Edestone had turned over to him the task of answering the great volume of communications that he had received from amateurs, fanatics, ladies, and criminals, and it devolved upon him to answer these and also to provide for the entertainment of the representatives of the Anarchists, Socialists, Organized Labour, and Suffragettes. To the Anarchists, in answer to their inquiries as to where they were now to obtain their explosives with which to continue their campaigns in the future, and without the use of which they could secure for their arguments no attention, he made no reply. To the Socialists, he said that the best that he could do for them was to provide an overflow meeting at the foot of the stairs; the Emperor of Germany had refused to sit down with the traitors, as he called them, and for once Edestone agreed with the Imperial contention. There, Lawrence assured them, their point of view would be given serious consideration; in fact, he himself expected to have the great honour of addressing them and the Prohibitionists, the Anti-Vivisectionists, the Cubists, the Futurists, the Post-Impressionists, and the Reds. To Organized Labour, Edestone wrote that he would represent their cause. Descended as he was from a long line of honest labouring men, who had succeeded without the assistance of an organization of lazy and inefficient ones combined under dishonest leaders, he assured them that he would insist upon their rights, and that under the new regime, honesty, efficiency, and sense of responsibility to those who employed them would be recognized and rewarded in a manner beyond their wildest dreams. This could not, however, be accomplished, he said, except by forcing the dishonest, lazy, and inefficient into their rightful position, that of a worthless by-product in this great world of recognition of true merit. To the Suffragettes, Lawrence extended a most cordial invitation, but stipulated that no representative would be received who had not borne and raised twelve children, or were willing to appear at the meeting without their hats, with hair cropped close to the head. The date selected by Edestone was the Fourth day of July; the place, in order to offend no one, was the beautiful valley of St. Nicholas in the neutral country of the Swiss, and the Little Peace Maker, painted and polished, was floating about twenty-five feet from the ground. About one-quarter of her length from her stern, leading from an opening in her bottom, ran a great flight of stairs which rested on a platform at their foot. This was constructed in a manner similar to the cradle upon which she was seen to rest by the King of England and his Cabinet. In this manner she was connected with the earth but absolutely insulated. To reach this platform one had to walk up four or five steps, which were made of hard rubber, over which was laid a thick red velvet carpet, which continued across the platform and up this most impressive flight of stairs and disappeared into the opening in the Little Peace Maker. Bands were playing, children were laughing, but not one soldier was to be seen. The Royalties, as they arrived, were received at the foot of the stairs by Edestone and conducted to their apartments where, surrounded by their secretaries and servants, they might live entirely alone, or could, if they desired to do so, mingle with the rest of the distinguished company. When the great day arrived, and these Royal Potentates were seated in their places, which had been arranged with great consideration for their extreme sensitiveness on the subject of precedent, an exact science, Edestone, dressed in his simple yachting costume, walked slowly up through the aisle, on either side of which were seated Royalties, each in his favourite uniform of ceremony, soon to become as old-fashioned as the tattooing on a savage's face. With perfect composure and self-possession he took his place as Chairman of the Board and called the meeting to order. Then in a perfectly businesslike manner he explained the object of the meeting, which he did with the greatest consideration for his distinguished listeners, but there was in his voice a ring of confidence, which they all knew was due to the fact that the suggestions that he made would certainly be put into effect, and whereas they came to discuss, they remained to agree. He first briefly outlined the Utopian condition of the world as it would be after his first suggestion had been carried into effect, and all arms, ammunition, ships of war, and all destructive agencies had been destroyed. He then laid down some new principles and relegated some of the old to the scrap-heap. He scoffed at the theory of majority rule, equality of man, and perpetual peace through brotherly love. Why should the majority rule, if the minority were more intelligent? Why should all men be considered equal in intelligence, if not in weight and height? Why should dried-up old women be able to do something that young men, in their full health and strength, had been unable to accomplish? He then established a very limited ruling class, which he called, for the lack of a better name, the Aristocracy of Intelligence, over which he placed a head with absolute power, backed with sufficient force to see that its wishes were carried out. He then finally laid before them the plan of administration which he proposed, which was that the entire world should be run by a Board of Directors, of which, for the present, he sincerely hoped that they would allow him to hold the humbler position of Chairman, while the President and glorious head should be selected from some of the distinguished monarchs within the sound of his voice. He then very diplomatically explained that the form of government would be based upon the administration of the great corporations of America, which was his extremely polite method of informing them that the Chairman of the Board was the power, and the President was but the icing on the cake. He stated that history taught them that all wars had come about on account of three things: Race, Religion, and Riches. He suggested that the Race problem might be entirely solved by segregating the races of the world, and giving over to them a portion of the earth sufficiently large to support them in comfort in the climate and surroundings to which they were accustomed, in which section they should speak their own language, and were entitled to indulge in their own forms of religion, customs, and superstitions, and there and there alone they were supreme, and then only on matters of the administration of their own allotment of the earth, but were subject absolutely and entirely to the ruling of the Board of Directors as to their international policies. The title of the portion of the world allotted to them was based not upon the claims of any barbarian of antiquity, fanatic of the Middle Ages, or the war lords of modern times, but upon the decision of the Board of Directors, which would annul all previous titles and be final and irrevocable. If at any time any one or group of these left the portion of the earth to which they had been restricted, they lost all of their rights as citizens of the world, and while visiting the other sections must bow absolutely to the will of those whose hospitality they were accepting. In the case of those nations who had no home, and who had been parasites on the nations of the earth for thousands of years, it was proposed that they purchase from the country now holding the cradle of their birth a home sufficiently large to accommodate their ever-increasing numbers under the hygienic and healthful condition of the countries which they swarmed. Religion, he said, which had for so many years been the cause of wars and tumults, numbered by actual count up into the thousands, were in his opinion sufficient in number to satisfy all who were not wishing for personal aggrandizement or accumulation of wealth to create others. Therefore, he stated, that all religions which had been established up to the beginning of the nineteenth century might be allowed to continue, but all others, being drawn on rather too scientific and financial lines, were to be eliminated. Coming to the last, and, as he expressed it, the cause of the present war, namely, Riches, he showed that in the new form of government competition would be eliminated, the interest of the whole being controlled by one head with power to police, and greater profits to all would accrue by the elimination of waste of time and money and by the efficiency of a single administration. He then suggested that a grand and international festival be held, at which the combined fleets of the entire world be gathered together in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean, and there, as a bond of good faith of all, in the midst of universal rejoicing, they should be consigned to the bottomless depths of absolute and eternal darkness. In the meantime, Lawrence was addressing an assemblage of Reds, I. W. W.'s, Prohibitionists, and other thoughtful members of society. To these he was serving grape juice and patent medicines. The percentage of alcohol in these beverages quieted the nerves of most, but rendered the Prohibitionists quite hilarious. They listened with much attention and applauded violently the scheme which he outlined before them. "You should be allowed," he said, "to settle in the middle of the Desert of Sahara, where you could all live in beautiful glass houses, and where the soil produces no stones of a throwable size. There will be no saloons there, clubs or dinner parties, but drugstores with their alluring lights will decorate every corner. There with your palates parching with pain your motto should be 'Speak Easy' for the sake of the Cause. The lives of the inhabitants will be regulated by priestesses and preachers, and to them will be submitted the most intimate affairs of the family. Yours will be a maternal government; to each member of every family the Government will daily, after taking the temperature, issue canton flannel underclothes of the proper weight to be worn during the day. Alarm clocks set by the Government will be issued to all. Your food, your cooking, and your babies--if you have any, and God grant that you may not in such a dry place!--will all be according to the canons of your religion. Should you at any time find that the inhabitants are drying up and blowing away, you can recruit from the malcontents of other portions of the globe." With the Anti-Vivisectionists he was most sympathetic. "Ladies and cranks," he said. "I, too, am very fond of dogs, but as it is absolutely necessary for the progress of science to make experiments upon living subjects, I call upon you to volunteer for this work for all portions of the body except the brain; for that portion I am creditably informed that the doctors would prefer to use wood pulp." This was received with violent protestations of disapproval by the Cubists, the Futurists, and the Post-Impressionists, who claimed that this was entirely unnecessary, as they were able in their pictures to reveal the most secret workings of the brain, and that upon their canvases they laid bare for the study of the scientific world all that it was necessary for it to know. To the representatives of the Allied A.M.L.Q. American Architects, he expressed his most sincere thanks for the kind expression of their approval and offer of assistance, and in recognition of their co-operation, he gave them entire charge of the competition for the laying out and decorating, with befitting whirlwind monuments, hot air fountains, and castles in the air, the great Edestone aerial highway which was to encircle the globe. Aloft Edestone, on the other hand, was having more trouble with his audience, for his speech when finished was received with loud protestations of disapproval, rendered in the most kingly and imperial manner by this group of cousins, first cousins, double first cousins, and half-brothers. Fortunately, however, for the welfare of the great mass of the people of the world, they were well represented by the strong, serious, and intelligent-looking men who sat at the elbow of this consanguineous group, some of whom had by a process of intermarrying degenerated into mere effigies of the strong men from whom they were descended. These powers behind the tottering thrones of Europe realized and bowed before the inevitable. [THE END] _ |
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