________________________________________________
_ ACT IV - SCENE II
SCENE II. A Street.
Enter HUMPHRY and WORTHNOUGHT meeting.
WORTHNOUGHT.
Sir, your most obedient.
HUMPHRY.
Here's that mackmarony again.
[Aside.]
WORTHNOUGHT.
I have not the honour to know your name, sir, but if you will inform me what you were whispering with Mr. Loveyet about, you will make me the most obsequious and devoted of your slaves.
HUMPHRY.
My slave!--Why, I wou'dn't have you for a slave, if you was to pay me for it;--with your silk sattin breeches, and your lily white gloves, and your crimp'd up toes, and your fine powder'd calabash, that's so smart outside.
WORTHNOUGHT.
You entirely mistake my meaning, friend;--I'm a man of quality.--Do I look like a servant, a hireling, a vile menial?
HUMPHRY.
No, you look more like a dancing-master, a fighting-master, or a play-actor, or some such flashy folks; but looks is nothing, for everybody dresses alike nowadays; like master, like man, as the old saying is; ecod, you can't tell a Congressman from a marchant's 'prentice, everybody dresses so fine.
WORTHNOUGHT.
Ha, ha, ha,--he is pasitively a very eccentric bady, and there is a small tincture of a barbarous sart of wit in what he says; but it wants an immensity of correction, an infinitude of polishing; he is a mere son of nature, everything he says is express'd in such a Gathic, uncouth, Anti-Chesterfieldian style; and as for his dress, it is pasitively most prepasterously clownish and original.
HUMPHRY.
Why he talks as many long-winded, old-fashioned words, as the Schoolmaster.
WORTHNOUGHT.
Mr.--Mr.--Pray what is your proper name, besides Humphry?
Your sirname, I mean.
HUMPHRY.
My proper sirname is Humphry Cubb; why our family is the most largest family within the circumroundibus of fifty miles, and the most grandest too, tho' I say it that shou'dn't say it; for my father's father's great-grandfather was a just-ass of the peace, when King George the third was a sucking baby, and, therefore, as father says, a greater man then, than he was, ha, ha, ha. And his great aunt, by his mother's side, had the honour to be chief waiting woman to Mynheer Van Hardsprakencrampdejawmetlongname, the Dutch governor's public scratchetary; but I needn't go so far back neither, for I've got, at this present time, no less than two second cousins; one of 'em is soup-provider for the county, and t'other belongs to the liglislature, and both belonging to our family too;--both Cubbs.
WORTHNOUGHT.
Yes, the world abounds with Cubbs, just such unlick'd ones as you are;--there is a profusion of them in this city.--You must know, I am Dick Worthnought, esquire; a gentleman, a buck of the blood, and a--you understand me.
HUMPHRY.
Why, your family must be as big as mine, then; for I've
seen hundreds of such Worth-nothing bloody bucks as you,
since I've been in town.
WORTHNOUGHT.
Your criticisms are perfectly barbarous and disagreeable,
'foregad; but,--will you let me know what you and the
West-India young gentleman were whispering about, at Miss Trueman's?
HUMPHRY.
Yes.--You can have Miss Trueman now, if you've a mind.
WORTHNOUGHT.
Can I? Only prove your words, and enroll me your
everlasting, your indissoluble friend, demme.
HUMPHRY.
Friend me none of your friends; I don't want such everlasting friends as you, d'ye see, becase why, if you never make a beginning with your friendship, I'm sure it can't be everlasting; and if you've got a mind to shew your friendliness, I'm sure you cou'dn't have a more fitter time than now.
WORTHNOUGHT.
What wou'd the addity have me say, I wonder.
HUMPHRY.
I wou'dn't have you say anything,--you talk too much already,
for the matter o' that; I like for to see people do things, not talk 'em.
WORTHNOUGHT.
There [Gives him money.]--is that what you want?
HUMPHRY.
Aye, I thought you understood me well enough.--Your friendship wants as much spurring and kicking and coaxing as our lazy old gelding at home;--I wou'dn't trust such a friend as far as I cou'd fling a cow by the tail.
WORTHNOUGHT.
Poh, poh,--to the point, to the point.
HUMPHRY.
Why, then you must know, how old Mr. Lovit is a going for to marry the West-Indian young gentleman to young Mistress Airy, I think he call'd her; and so you can go try Mistress Harriet yourself, for I'm sure she won't have him now.
WORTHNOUGHT.
Why, pray?
HUMPHRY.
Why if she gets him, she'll get a bastard,
for old Mr. Lovit isn't his father.
WORTHNOUGHT.
No?
HUMPHRY.
No;--and then he and the Schoolmaster kick'd up a proper rumpus about a challenge I fetch'd him; and that's all the news you'll get for your money.--A poor shilling that won't buy ale to my oysters to-night.
[Exit.]
WORTHNOUGHT
[manet].
This is a lucky meeting, 'foregad;--I'll go immediately and report, that young Loveyet has of late seen my quondam charmer carry a copy of him in miniature about her, which (strange to tell) is continually growing nearer to the life; and that he refuses to have her, on that account.--"If she gets him, she will get a bastard."--By which I choose to understand,--matters have gone so far, that she cannot save herself from that disgrace, even if she marries him.--Now, in order that this tale of mine may transpire briskly, I must first see some of my tattling female friends;--they will set it a going like wild-fire.--Split me, but it is an excellent thought;--ha, ha, ha. Poor Loveyet.
[Exit.] _
Read next: Act 4 - Scene 3
Read previous: Act 4 - Scene 1
Table of content of Politician Out-Witted
GO TO TOP OF SCREEN
Post your review
Your review will be placed after the table of content of this book
