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Hermione and Her Little Group of Serious Thinkers, a fiction by Don Marquis

Taking Up The Liquor Problem

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_ WE'RE thinking of taking up the Liquor
problem -- our little group, you know, --
in quite a serious way.

The Working Classes would be so much better
off without liquor. And we who are the leaders
in thought should set them an example.

So a number of us have decided to set our faces
very sternly against drinking in public.

Of course, a cocktail or two and an occasional
stinger, is something no one can well avoid taking,
if one is dining out or having supper after the
theater with one's own particular crowd.

But all the members of my own particular little
group have entered into a solemn agreement not
to take even so much as a cocktail or a glass of
wine if any of the working classes happen to be
about where they can see us and become corrupted
by our example.

The Best People owe those sacrifices to the
Masses, don't you think?

Of course, the waiters, and people like that,
really belong to the working classes too, I suppose.

But, as Fothergil Finch says, very often one
wouldn't know it. And who could expect a waiter
to be influenced one way or another by anything?
And it's the home life of the working classes that
counts, anyhow.

When we took up Sociology -- we gave several
evenings to Sociological Discussion, you know,
besides doing a lot of practical Welfare Work -- it
was impressed upon me very strongly that if one is to
do anything at all for the Masses one must first
SWEETEN their Home Life.

Though Papa made me stop poking around into
the horrid places where they live for fear I might
catch some dreadful disease.

And the people we visited weren't all that grateful.
So VERY OFTEN the Masses are not.

One dreadful woman, you know, claimed that
she couldn't keep her rooms -- she had two rooms,
and she cooked and washed and slept and sewed
in them and there were five in the family -- claimed
that she couldn't keep her rooms in any better shape
because they were so out of repair and the plumbing
was bad and the windows leaked and all that
sort of thing, you know, and one of the rooms was
ENTIRELY dark.

I preached the doctrine of fresh air and sunshine
and cleanliness to her, you know, and the imprudent
thing told me Papa owned the building and
it wasn't true at all -- Papa only belonged to the
company that owned the building. One can't do
much for people who will not be truthful with one,
can one?

Besides, it is the Silent Influence that counts more
than arguments and visiting.

If one makes one's life what it should be Good
will Radiate.

Vibrations from one's Ego will permeate all
classes of society.

And that is the way we intend to make ourselves
felt with regard to the Liquor Problem. We will
inculcate abstemiousness by example.

Abstemiousness, Fothy Finch says, should be our
motto, rather than Abstinence. We shall be QUITE
careful not to identify ourselves with the MORE
VULGAR aspects of the propaganda.

And of course at social functions in our private
homes total abstinence is quite out of the question.

The working classes wouldn't get any example
from our homes, anyone; for of course we never
come into contact with them there.

But the working classes must be saved from
themselves, even if all the employers of labor have
to write out a list of just what they eat and
drink and make them buy only those things. They
simply MUST be saved.

Not that they'll appreciate it. They never do. If
I were not an incorrigible idealist I would be
inclined to give them up.

But someone must give up his life to leading them
onward and upward. And who is there to do it if
not we leaders of Modern Thought? _

Read next: The Japanese Are Wonderful, If You Get What 1 Mean

Read previous: The Bourgeois Element And Background

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