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The Foolish Dictionary, a non-fiction book by Gideon Wurdz |
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A Few Mythological and Classical Names |
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_ Brought down to date in brief Notes by the Editor.
*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* =Long life often depends on being well heeled.= * * * * * ADONIS. A beautiful youth, beloved by Venus and killed by a boar. *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* =Bores have been the death of us ever since.= * * * * * BACCHUS. A brewer, who supplied the Gods with nectar, the beer that made Olympus famous. *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* =Those desiring a drink, please ask Dickens if "Bacchus is willin'."= * * * * * CASTOR AND POLLUX. Two clever sports and twin brothers from Greece, Castor being a horse-trainer and Pollux a pugilist, whose sister, Helen, a respectable, married woman, disgraced the family by eloping with Paris. *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* =Just because a man can break a broncho or win a prize fight, it's no sign he can manage a woman.= * * * * * CERBERUS. A dog with three heads, a serpent's tail and several snakes around his neck, who guarded the main entrance to Hades. *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* =When a man begins to see snakes and one head looks like three, it's a cinch he's not far from Hell.= * * * * * CHARON. The gloomy gondolier of the Styx, who carried the dead to the Other World--if they paid him first. *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* =And even to-day, he who patronizes Rapid Transit must pay his fare in advance.= * * * * * CUPID. The son of Venus and the God of Love, who with bow and arrows punctured men's bosoms with the darts of admiration. *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* =But now-a-days the arrow's not in it with a snug bathing suit or a decollette gown.= * * * * * DAEDALUS. The original Santos Dumont, who invented and successfully operated a flying-machine that would fly. His son, Icarus, tried the trick, went too high and fell into the sea. *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* =A flier frequently precedes a fall--especially in Wall Street.= * * * * * DIANA. The goddess of the chase; unmarried. *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* =And this is very fitting. May the chase always be for the unmarried only!= * * * * * HERCULES. The Gritty Greek (no relation to the Terrible Turk), an independent laborer, who always had a good job awaiting him. *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* =It is interesting to recall the days when non-union labor had all the work it wanted.= * * * * * IXION. A king of Thessaly, who for his sins was broken on a wheel. *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* =And men have been going broke on "the wheel" ever since.= * * * * * LOTUS EATERS. A gang of ancient vegetarians, who chewed leaves and went to sleep. *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* =Now succeeded by a club of New Yorkers, who chew the rag and keep awake.= * * * * * MERCURY. A celestial messenger-boy, who wore wings on his shoes and knew how "to get there" in a hurry. *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* =Now they all wear hobbles, and never exceed the speed limit in a public thoroughfare.= * * * * * MIDAS. A Greek king, who had the power of turning into gold all that he touched. *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* =That's nothing! There are plenty of men to-day who always get gold whoever they touch.= * * * * * SAPPHO. A love-lorn poetess, who, failing to win the man she first loved, cured herself by jumping into the Mediterranean. *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* =She probably acted on the old advice, "There's plenty more fish in the sea!"= * * * * * TANTALUS. A proud king, who suffered in Hades the agonies of hunger and thirst, with food and drink always in sight, but always beyond reach. *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* =Here on earth, the 50-cent table d'hote accomplishes the same result--besides costing you the fifty.= * * * * * TROY. An ancient, oriental city, which took in a wooden horse and saw the domestic finish of Helen and Paris. *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* =Do not confuse with Troy, N.Y., where they only take in washing and provide a domestic finish for collars and shirts.= * * * * * VULCAN. The Olympian blacksmith, who always had his hammer with him. *-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-* =But not all who carry hammers are blacksmiths.= _ |
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