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The Foolish Dictionary, a non-fiction book by Gideon Wurdz |
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_ Man proposes, then woman imposes. =RABBIT= A small rodent, very similar to a hare, which feeds on grass and burrows in the earth. =WELSH RABBIT= More like a string, thrives on cheese and burrows in the stomach. * * * * * =RACE-TRACK= An interesting locality, where pools are bought and sold in books and the heat never interferes with the search for the Pole. * * * * * =RADIUM= A radiant radiator, redolent of ranging radial rays of radio-activity, raised to radical rates and regarded as a ruthless rake-off in the reign of riches within the arrayed radius of a raging, raving and raided race. * * * * * =RAG-TIME= Music pulled into many pieces--the invention of a flannel-mouth to which many have cottoned. * * * * * =RAPID TRANSIT= A municipal myth, circulated for the amusement of the long suffering--and slow moving--public. * * * * * =REFORM= In general, a periodic epidemic, starting with marked heat, followed by a high fever, and accompanied by a flow of ink in the newspapers, a discharge of words from the face and a rush of blood to the polls, leaving the victim a chronic invalid until the next campaign. In New York, reform has been confined to a Low attempt at government. * * * * * =REFORMER= One who, when he smells a rat, is eager to let the cat out of the bag. * * * * * =REGISTER= The only autograph album which it costs you money to write in. * * * * * =REGRETS= An excuse for non-attendance at a social function. Occasionally, an expression of sorrow; usually, a paean of praise at deliverance from evil. * * * * * =RELATIONS= A tedious pack of people who haven't the remotest knowledge of how to live nor the smallest instinct about when to die. * * * * * =RELIGION= A cloak used by some persons in this world who will be warm enough without one in the next. * * * * * =R.E. MORSE= A veteran General who commands the largest army in the world. * * * * * =REPARTEE= The sassy habit of talking back. * * * * * =REPUTATION= A personal possession, frequently not discovered until lost. * * * * * =RESIDENCE= A rural locality inhabited annually--for a few hours--by a rich New Yorker or Bostonian. * * * * * =RESOLUTION= A fragile bit of crockery fashioned on the first day of January and usually broken on the second. * * * * * =RESORT= (=SUMMER=) A place where the tired grow more tired. From Eng. rest, and Grk. orizo, to limit. A place where rest is limited. * * * * * =REST= A trade in which every hobo holds a Union Card for life. * * * * * =RESTAURANT= An institution for the spread of dyspepsia. From Lat. restauro, to repair, and Grk. anti, against. After patronizing, you're "up against repairs." * * * * * =RHETORIC= Language in a dress suit. * * * * * =RICE= An effective field-piece, used for assaulting Chinamen or the newly-married. * * * * * =ROQUEFORT= A kind of cheese whose odor puts it easily in the first rank. * * * * * =ROYCROFTER= A successful book-maker on the East Aurora turf. From Fr. roi, king, and old Saxon crofter, or grafter. King of Grafters. * * * * * =RUMOR= The long-distance champion of the Human Race--a monster with more tales than an octopus. * * * * * =RUST= Physical dullness. =RUSTIC= Mental dullness. Beggars should never be choosers--though the beggar often chews what he begs. _ |