F

________________________________________________
_ A bird on the plate is worth two on the bonnet.

=FACE= A fertile, open expanse, lying midway between collar button and scalp, and full of cheek, chin and chatter. The crop of the male face is hair, harvested daily by a lather, or allowed to run to mutton-chops, spinach or full lace curtains. The female face product is powder, whence the expression, "Shoot off your face." Each is supplied with lamps, snufflers and bread boxes.

* * * * *

=FAILURE= The quickest method known for making money.

* * * * *

=FEINT= A pugilist's bluff.

=FAINT= A woman's bluff.

* * * * *

=FAITH= A mental accomplishment whereby an ear-ache becomes a Symphony Concert, a broken finger a diamond ring and a "touch" an invitation to dine.

* * * * *

=FAKE= A false report.

=FAKIR= A false reporter.

* * * * *

=FAME= Having a brand of cigars named after you.

* * * * *

=FAMILY= Originally a wife and several children, a matter of pride to the possessor. Now obsolete among the careful, or confined to the wife, a bull pup and a canary bird.

* * * * *

=FARE.= The cost of a ride. See old adage, "Only the brave can work their fare."

* * * * *

=FAULT= About the only thing that is often found where it does not exist.

* * * * *

=FICTION.= The Constitutional fiat that "all men are created equal."

* * * * *

=FIDDLER= A violinist before he becomes the virtuoso who refuses to play a real tune.

* * * * *

=FIRMNESS= That admirable quality in ourselves that is detestable stubbornness in others.

* * * * *

=FIG= Nothing. Note, "I don't care a fig," etc.

=FIG LEAF= A small outer garment, next to nothing, worn by Adam 4000 B.C. and occasionally revived by Bostonian Art Committees.

* * * * *

=FISHING= An heroic treatment tried by some laymen to avoid falling asleep in church on Sunday.

* * * * *

=FLAT= A series of padded cells, commonly found in cities, in which are confined harmless monomaniacs who imagine Home to be a Sardine Box.

* * * * *

=FLATTERY= Cologne water, to be smelled of but not swallowed.

* * * * *

=FLUE= An escape for hot air.

=FLUENCY= The art of releasing the same.

* * * * *

=FLUSH= From Grk. phlox, heat. A rush of color to the cheek, or hand, caused by bodily--or poker--heat.

* * * * *

=FLY= A familiar summer boarder who mingles with the cream of society, gets stuck on the butter and leaves his specs behind.

* * * * *

=FLY-SCREEN= An arrangement for keeping flies in the house.

* * * * *

=FOOT= The understanding of a girl from the west.

=FOOT-PATH= Chicago, Ill.

* * * * *

=FOOTBALL= A clever subterfuge for carrying on prize-fights under the guise of a reputable game.

* * * * *

=FOREIGNER= One who is eligible to the police force. From Grk. fero, to carry off, and enara, spoils. One who carries off the spoils.

* * * * *

=FORBEARANCE= The spirit of toleration shown when a man who knows, patiently listens to a fool who does not.

* * * * *

=FRANC= Twenty cents, in French.

=FRANKFURTERS= Four for twenty, in German. Derived from frank, open, and fortitude, meaning brave. Sold in the open and eaten by the brave.

* * * * *

=FROST= An old flame after the engagement is broken off.

* * * * *

=FUN= Joy.

=FUNCTION= Devoid of joy.

As ye sew, so shall ye rip. _

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