________________________________________________
_ ACT II
SCENE: An elegantly furnished stateroom on the S.S. Aquitania.
AT RISE is empty, shuffling and murmuring of crowd on deck. "All visitors ashore!" heard in distance.
Door L., leading to promenade deck outside; door R. leading to another room; windows or portholes in rear looking out; closet down R. Lights full up, amber and white.
Trunk that was carried off stage in first act discovered stage C., wrong side up. Markings that were put on it first act are now upside down. Trunk on end. When curtain rises up trunk begins to rock back and forth as though something inside was trying to turn it over. When probable laugh has died away, door L. opens. Stateroom STEWARD is showing PRINCESS and NITA in.
STEWARD.
(Opening door L. and standing aside to allow PRINCESS and NITA to enter. PRINCESS enters first and trunk upside down immediately catches her eye. When PRINCESS well in room, enter NITA, who stumbles over raised sill. Solicitously) Oh, I'm sorry! Did you hurt yourself? (STEWARD lays bags and satchels on seat, back to audience.) Rather inconvenient, those doors, till you get used to them, but necessary to keep out the water in rough weather.
PRINCESS.
(L., paying very little attention to STEWARD, only anxious to get rid of him and NITA so she may turn trunk over.) You don't anticipate a bad passage, Steward?
STEWARD.
(R., fussing about)
Rather uncertain at this season, but your location is
good, Madam, and you'll find she's as steady as a church.
PRINCESS.
(Looking around as STEWARD arranges things fussily)
This is very pleasant.
(NITA arranges bags and grips on window seat.)
STEWARD.
Quite the best suite on board, Madam. Here is the
clothes press, and the other rooms are off there.
(Opening door L. and closing it again.)
If you want anything--
(Points L.)
--there is the telephone.
(Notices trunk in middle of room for first time. Takes hold.)
I'll place your trunk----
(Starts to move trunk and drags it to side.)
PRINCESS.
(Quickly stopping him)
Never mind now, Steward. You can place it later.
(STEWARD releases trunk, but does not set it down.)
You might turn it right side up.
STEWARD.
(Noticing labels)
Oh, I'm sorry!
(Turns trunk. PRINCESS sighs.)
I hope the contents are not upset, madam.
PRINCESS.
I hope not.
STEWARD.
Anything more, Madam?
PRINCESS.
(Anxious to get him out of room)
Not now, thank you, Steward. How soon do we sail?
STEWARD.
Very soon now.
(Voices off calling, "All ashore!" four times;
voice approaches and dies away.)
They're already calling "All ashore," Madam.
(Exit and closes door.)
NITA.
(L.C.) Your Highness has the key to this trunk?
PRINCESS.
(C.) Yes--yes--you may--leave this trunk as it
is, Nita, till later.
(Crosses to R.)
Go to your room and get settled; then unpack the other
trunks. I'll call you when I want you.
NITA.
(Going toward door R.)
Yes, your Highness.
(When R., near door, stops suddenly and timidly says)
Will your Highness pardon me if I am mistaken in thinking
I recognize the DUKE, your exalted cousin, among the passengers?
PRINCESS.
(Without showing NITA that she is startled,
but audience sees it)
My cousin, impossible. He is at Madrid.
NITA.
(In excellent servant style, yet knowing she is right)
Yes, your Highness.
(NITA bows and exits R., closing door.)
PRINCESS.
(Quickly fumbles with keys--selects right one,
inserts in lock, unlocks and opens lid. Just as lid up)
Are you all right, Mr. Jarvis?
(Knock at door as PRINCESS starts to raise lid.)
Wait----
(Shuts down lid again. Knock repeated. PRINCESS crosses and opens door L., disclosing DUKE. Exclaims in dismay) Carlos----
DUKE.
(Raising hat--standing in open door)
Fair cousin--if I but knew you were as pleased as surprised at seeing me.
(During speech he has entered; takes PRINCESS' hand
and carries it to lips and kisses it.)
PRINCESS.
Why did you leave Spain?
DUKE.
(Shuts door)
First say you are glad to see me.
PRINCESS.
Why are you here?
DUKE.
(R.C.) Are you not glad to see me?
PRINCESS.
(L.C.) Why, of course, Carlos, I--I'm always glad to see you.
But why have you come to America?
DUKE.
Who could bring me to America but you?
PRINCESS.
How did you find me?
DUKE.
It wasn't easy. Spain had no attraction for me after
you left, and I followed. Is not that true devotion?
(Two long whistles. PRINCESS gets up confusedly
as though she would not listen and goes to window back.)
PRINCESS.
(Up to window C.)
Oh, come! We are starting!
Let's go out on deck--I want one last look at America.
DUKE.
Thank you, cousin, I can do very well without it.
PRINCESS.
Oh, Carlos, don't be absurd! Please.
(Whistle.)
We'll be gone in ten minutes.
(She goes toward door. CARLOS gets up and opens it for her. Not wanting to, PRINCESS exits, followed by CARLOS, who closes door after him. Trunk lid raised slowly after PRINCESS and DUKE exit. JARVIS' head appears and looks about. Throws back lid and stands up. Gets cigarette and matches out of pocket, lights and smokes. Expresses satisfaction. Lifts one leg to step out of trunk; gets stitch in back at movement.)
JARVIS.
Oh--oh--Lord!
(Carries this business at far as legitimate.
With every movement getting out of trunk finds new pain.)
If I only had that last baggage man by the neck! Oh--a--oh, Lord!
(Crosses left and drinks water.)
Well, I'm all here, most all.
(Feels elbow that is evidently skinned.
Shoes are bent up from being doubled up in trunk. Sees them.)
My feet are bent.
(Goes to stoop down to get them--gets stitch in back. Drinks.)
Oh--oh--o!
(Hobbles over to looking glass, then to telephone R.)
Hello--hello--give me Mr. Jarvis' stateroom.
Please--Jarvis--Warren Jarvis. No. I don't know the number. All right.
(Pause.)
Hello--Rusty? Come on up here quick and bring me an overcoat,
cap and scarf. What's that? Hold on, I'll see.
(Pause, then opens door L. and looks
at number on outside; shuts door; back to telephone)
Stateroom A--promenade deck--and bring up that big bundle--quick, now!
(Hangs up--crosses and looks out window.)
Well, good-bye, America. I don't know when I'll see your shores again.
(Shuts trunk and sits on it.)
If Rusty gets here before that Exalted Cousin returns,
I'll be all right. Hm--ouch!--I wonder what the game is?
(Knock at door.)
Go away--we're all very ill.
(JARVIS, uncertain who it is, starts to hide. Door opens
very cautiously. Enter RUSTY carrying bundle of
trays taken in first act.)
RUSTY.
(Looking over shoulder)
I knows where I'm goin', all right.
JARVIS.
Come on in, Rusty.
RUSTY.
(Crosses to back of trunk)
How did you get on board?
JARVIS.
I came in that trunk.
RUSTY.
You came in that trunk?
JARVIS.
Did you see any signs of the police?
RUSTY.
No, sir.
JARVIS.
Are you sure?
RUSTY.
Yes, sir.
JARVIS.
Did you look?
RUSTY.
No, sir.
(Handle of door R. rattles. JARVIS
to open door. Princess enters.)
RUSTY.
How de do, Mrs. Princess?
PRINCESS.
How do you do, Rusty?
(Exclamation C.R.)
Oh, there you are! You're all right, aren't you?
JARVIS.
(Rubbing sore places)
Yes, I'm all right.
PRINCESS.
But your hand--you must have that attended to at once.
JARVIS.
That's all right. I'll see the ship's surgeon.
PRINCESS.
Do, please.
JARVIS.
(R.) You can go now, Rusty. Oh, listen!
What is the number of your stateroom?
RUSTY.
Number Seven twenty-nine.
JARVIS.
Seven twenty-nine. Now get this: Go there, lock yourself in,
and don't talk to anyone. You're deaf and dumb--understand?
--deaf and dumb.
RUSTY.
I got you first.
(Exit upper deck.)
PRINCESS.
There is something I must tell you.
My cousin, the Duke D'Alva, is on board this boat.
JARVIS.
(Whimsically)
He professes to love you devotedly.
PRINCESS.
You overheard?
JARVIS.
(Pointing to trunk)
The trunk. It wasn't my idea, you know.
(With feeling--yet knowledge)
You are afraid of him? Why?
PRINCESS.
Well, he is very powerful--and I may be driven into his hands.
JARVIS.
You mean--you might have to marry him?
PRINCESS.
(Looking nervously toward door C.)
Yes, if you fail.
JARVIS.
(Breath being taken away)
If I fail--Say, hold on a minute!
Things are coming too fast for me. I--you--how do I----
PRINCESS.
(Interrupting)
He may come back any minute--and I don't dare tell him
what happened at the Manhattan Hotel--but he will want
to know who you are and why you are with me.
JARVIS.
That's what I want to know. You forget I am completely in the dark.
PRINCESS.
(Looking out of window)
The police can't be on board now.
(Down stage.)
JARVIS.
(Going to window beside her, and then back again)
You can't tell until you see who goes ashore with the pilot. They may be working on Rusty as a clue, but it won't lead them to anything so long as they don't connect him with me. We'll take no chances until we get past the danger line. Now let's get down to business. What is the matter--and what am I to do?
PRINCESS.
(Hesitating)
I hardly know how to begin--it seems absurd in this broad daylight to talk of ghosts--but the fact is, my castle is haunted.
JARVIS.
(Laughing)
Spooks?
PRINCESS.
(Very seriously)
Call it anything you like, but the castle is haunted, just the same. My grandfather was one of the wealthiest nobles in Spain. When he died my father went to take possession of his estate in Segura. He found the town full of weird stories of uncanny happenings--the castle was deserted, everyone had fled and all told of something in armor that stalked the halls at night.
JARVIS.
O-o-o-o-o-o-o-h!
PRINCESS.
My father laughed at the silly natives and said he would go into the castle and show them how foolish their fears were. He went, and was never seen again.
JARVIS.
(Naturally deeply interested)
What happened to him?
PRINCESS.
No one knows. He disappeared--vanished utterly, without
leaving a single clue--and the treasure's gone.
JARVIS.
(More interested at word Treasure)
Treasure--what treasure?
PRINCESS.
My grandfather is known to have converted all his wealth
into Spanish gold. It amounted to about a million dollars
in your money.
JARVIS.
How long ago was that?
PRINCESS.
Fifteen years ago. Since then two other men have disappeared--just as my father did--and now, the Duke tells me that my brother has entered the castle. You see it runs in the blood. Up to a week ago my brother had sent me a cable every day, then suddenly the messages ceased. All this week not a word. Now I know--my brother has entered the castle, and--well, that is the end.
JARVIS.
Why did you leave Spain?
PRINCESS.
A part of the legend was that a plan had been made showing just where the treasure was located--but this plan could never be found. Only by accident I learned that this plan had been hidden in the back of a locket and the locket, I discovered, had been sold and was in America. It was to find this locket that I left my brother and came here.
JARVIS.
Then my work now is to find your brother and solve the mystery? All right! We'll explain to the Duke that you are taking me to Spain for no other purpose than to solve the mystery. In America we've had trust-breakers and strike-breakers, and now why not Jarvis, the Ghost Breaker?
PRINCESS.
Why, yes, why not?
Carlos would believe almost anything of you Americans.
JARVIS.
(Whimsically)
And you will tell him you have made me a--er--
what is it? A vassal?
PRINCESS.
(Almost shyly)
I think not--not just yet.
JARVIS.
By the way, your--er--just how should a perfectly good
vassal address his Princess?
PRINCESS.
(Hesitatingly)
Highness--is correct.
JARVIS.
Highness--tell me, your Highness, a vassal doesn't
amount to much, does he? I thought he was a piker.
PRINCESS.
(Mystified)
A piker--a man who carries a pike?
JARVIS.
(Trying to explain)
No, no--a piker is a tin horn.
PRINCESS.
Tin horn?
JARVIS.
Well, a sort of pawn in this game of chess--along with
your kings and queens and castles and things.
(Seriously, yet playfully)
Could a good, hard-working, reliable vassal work his way
up to be a Duke or a Lord, or something like that?
PRINCESS.
(Almost playing with him)
You're an ambitious vassal, aren't you? I'm afraid you
wouldn't be content with being anything less than a king.
JARVIS.
(Meaningly)
A king--a prince--or a bandit.
PRINCESS.
A bandit? And why a bandit?
JARVIS.
A king might command--a prince request--a bandit seize.
PRINCESS.
Seize what?
JARVIS.
(Daringly)
That which a mere vassal can only admire.
(Knock at door. Both brought back to earth.)
PRINCESS.
There he is now.
JARVIS.
Hooray!
PRINCESS.
What shall I call you?
JARVIS.
(Whispering)
Oh, any old thing--Warren, Mr. Warren.
(Pause. PRINCESS crosses to door,
hesitates a moment, then opens it.)
PRINCESS.
Come in.
(Enter DUKE. Stops at sight of JARVIS.)
DUKE.
Oh, I'm intruding.
(Spoken as though he expected JARVIS to go.)
PRINCESS.
Allow me to present Mr. Warren, whom I am bringing
from America to solve the mystery of the castle.
My cousin, Duke D'Alva.
(She crosses L.)
JARVIS.
(Cross to DUKE--easily)
Glad to know You.
(PRINCESS back R.)
DUKE.
(Patronizingly)
I am honored. Interesting task you have undertaken.
May I ask if that is your regular profession?
JARVIS.
That is my business, solving mysteries, looking up the
family skeleton, hunting out spooks. What we call in
America a Ghost Breaker!
DUKE.
Ghost Breaker? A strange calling.
I indeed never heard of anything more extraordinary.
JARVIS.
It is not surprising, your Excellency. We are living in
an age of specialists--and like every other profession,
this calls for its own peculiar training.
PRINCESS.
(Interrupting)
I am so glad you are here, cousin--you will be able to
tell Mr. Warren, so much better than I, all the circumstances.
DUKE.
I'll be delighted to throw any light
I can on the mystery, but first tell me--
(To PRINCESS)
--why did you leave your brother to come to America?
PRINCESS.
(Takes locket from reticule)
This little locket is what brought me to America.
DUKE.
(Crosses to her, holding out hand to take it)
May I see it?
PRINCESS.
(Takes out memo.)
No, Carlos, you may see the locket--no one must see the memorandum.
DUKE.
Memorandum?
PRINCESS.
Yes.
JARVIS.
(Seated on trunk--to DUKE)
A wise precaution.
DUKE.
(Picking up locket)
Curious old piece of work--and you came all the
way to America for this?
PRINCESS.
Yes.
DUKE.
You were very fortunate to find it so soon.
(Cross R.)
PRINCESS.
I knew where to go to find it--and yet I was nearly too late.
Think of it, after that dear old locket had lain in an
antique shop for ten years, suddenly in one day there came
two inquiries for it.
(JARVIS sits looking at CARLOS.)
Mine was the second. A distinguished-looking gentleman had been there in the morning, described it roughly to the old man and got him to hunt for it. He had just found it when I came in. I doubled the distinguished-looking gentleman's offer and got it.
(Another look at DUKE.)
Who do you suppose wanted that locket, Carlos?
DUKE.
(R., being cornered and with effort
to throw it off lightly)
I see that it has already occurred to you that I am the
distinguished-looking gentleman whose offer you doubled.
PRINCESS.
(With curiosity)
But how did you learn about the memorandum, Carlos?
(JARVIS sits on trunk.)
DUKE.
I didn't, Cousin. I had not the slightest suspicion that the locket contained the supposed secret. I was merely following my pet hobby, trying to recover some of those precious heirlooms which have been scattered to the four winds.
(Quickly)
You would be surprised, Mr. Warren, to see the collection
I have already rescued and which some day may be yours, Maria.
JARVIS.
(Breaking in impatiently)
Well, so much for the treasure. Now let's hear about the ghost.
What's your opinion of this, your Excellency? Do you put any
stock in ghosts?
DUKE.
Yes, Mr. Warren, I am convinced there are such things.
JARVIS.
You believe that this castle is haunted?
DUKE.
I know it.
JARVIS.
You think this ghost is dangerous to encounter--that it
is the cause of the deaths and disappearances in the castle?
DUKE.
I do.
JARVIS.
Well, what do you think about that? Ghosts---- That's a
pretty broad term, your Excellency. Can you tell me just
what you believe this ghost is?
DUKE.
There are certain occult forces in this world, Mr. Warren, that science cannot fathom, and some of them are manifested in that castle now. A priest might call it a demon or a fiend; a psychologist, perhaps a returning spirit. I can't say--but I know there is something real, a malignant force which lurks in that castle, and while it haunts those halls, it is madness for any man to expose himself there.
JARVIS.
Have you ever seen this ghost?
PRINCESS.
My brother has.
JARVIS.
What?
PRINCESS.
Twice.
JARVIS.
Good night!
PRINCESS.
So has my father, and the others when they disappeared.
No one has seen it three times and lived.
JARVIS.
(Interrupting and looking at DUKE)
In just what way do you connect this spook with the treasure?
DUKE.
Spook? I see no connection. What do you mean?
JARVIS.
Oh, there is always money where the ghost walks.
DUKE.
I don't know what your experience has been, Mr. Warren. You are evidently a brave man--but you have yet to encounter a real ghost.
JARVIS.
Brave! It takes no bravery to fight a coward. That is what this ghost is--it's a coward like every other ghost. I tell you that men are not half so afraid of spirits as spirits are afraid of men. Face the supernatural--and it is beaten to a frazzle before the fight begins. Spooks--horse-thieves--and peevish wild-cats can all be tamed by the same little charm.
PRINCESS.
(Mystified)
Charm?
DUKE.
(Leaning forward)
What is it?
JARVIS.
I'd hate to tell you. It's part of my system. (Taking out pistol.)
DUKE.
(Scornfully)
I had been hoping, Mr. Warren, that you had some subtle method of handling this problem, but you evidently propose to meet the forces of the supernatural with firearms. I--I may tell you that this specter has been shot at before without the slightest effect.
JARVIS.
(Smiling)
Quite likely, your Excellency. I have seen rifle fire that
had not the slightest effect on a wild-cat for the very
reason that the firing was wilder than the cat.
DUKE.
(As though pitying him)
I am sorry for you Mr. Warren.
You will find the ghost more real than the treasure.
PRINCESS.
(Rising)
But the treasure is real, Carlos. Would I have crossed
the ocean for this locket unless I knew? Why, with this
paper anybody--a total stranger--could walk right up
to the very stone that hides it----
JARVIS.
(Meaningly)
Pretty dangerous paper to have around.
Look out somebody does not get there ahead of you.
DUKE.
(Meaningly to JARVIS)
Yes, it is a dangerous paper--if it leads anyone into the castle.
JARVIS.
(Laughingly)
Well, your Excellency, I'd go a long way for the fun of
unravelling a good mystery with a little spice of danger thrown in.
DUKE.
You needn't have gone so far, Mr. Warren. You are leaving
a very unusual case behind you in New York. The papers
are full of it. Have you read them?
(Picking up newspaper.)
It will interest you too, Cousin.
You were at the Manhattan last night, I believe.
PRINCESS.
Yes!
(JARVIS and PRINCESS look at each other
and DUKE reads from newspaper.)
JARVIS.
Why, no----
(Glancing at trunk.)
I was so wrapped up in my baggage I really didn't have a chance.
(Looks at PRINCESS.)
DUKE.
"Pistol duel in Manhattan Hotel. Colonel James Marcum, a
prominent and wealthy Kentuckian, nearly met his death at
five o'clock this morning in a pistol duel in his room at
the Manhattan Hotel."
(Glancing down a little further)
"At a late hour the police had no clue to the identity
of his assailant, except the remarkable fact that the
person is still hiding somewhere in the hotel."
JARVIS.
(Interrupting)
He's probably a long way from the hotel by this time.
DUKE.
(Looking at paper)
They say that he couldn't have gotten out without being seen.
JARVIS.
That's the theory of the police or reporters.
DUKE.
What do you think?
JARVIS.
He might have escaped in a thousand ways--but that work
is hardly in my line. That belongs to the "Gum-shoes."
DUKE.
Gum-shoes?
JARVIS.
Yes, ordinary detectives.
(Enter NITA.)
NITA.
Excuse, Madame----
PRINCESS.
No, Nita! Not just yet. I'll call you when I want you.
JARVIS.
We are keeping you from getting settled, I am afraid.
(Cross toward door.)
So, if you will excuse me, I'll see you at luncheon, perhaps.
Hooray! I am glad to have made your acquaintance, your Excellency.
DUKE.
Thank you, Mr. Warren, I find you most interesting.
I shall be glad to hear more of your remarkable profession.
(WARREN crosses to door and opens it,
disclosing two detectives and steward.)
DETECTIVE.
Are you Miss M. T. Ar--ra--gan?
PRINCESS.
(L.C.) Yes!
DETECTIVE.
You was at the Manhattan Hotel last night?
PRINCESS.
Yes.
DETECTIVE.
The lock on your door was broken?
PRINCESS.
Yes.
DETECTIVE.
(Removes hat)
I am from headquarters, Madame, and I have orders to clear up one
or two little matters with that affair at the hotel last night.
DUKE.
Orders, orders! To break in here--what headquarters?
DETECTIVE.
Police headquarters.
DUKE.
Do you know whom you are addressing?
DETECTIVE.
Say--that will be about all from you!
PRINCESS.
Yes, Carlos. Please let me attend to this matter.
Won't you come in, gentlemen?
DETECTIVE.
Thanks.
(Realizing they are already in the room)
That's all, Steward.
(Exit STEWARD; enter DETECTIVES, closing door.
JARVIS slips wounded hand into coat pocket.)
JARVIS.
Yes, we were just discussing that mystery, Inspector.
DUKE.
You are, I take it, one of the--er--gum-shoes?
(JARVIS laughs and goes up stage.)
DETECTIVE.
(Glaring angrily for a moment,
walks over toward him and shouts in his face)
Gum-shoe! Say, are you trying to be funny?
DUKE.
Well, sir, you are talking rather loud and with undue
asperity. I presume I have offended you.
DETECTIVE.
You presume! That's a hot one!
Say, who are you, anyhow?
DUKE.
I am Carlos Hernando Duke D'Alva. I have other titles,
but they would hardly interest you.
DETECTIVE.
Dook de Alver--and then some, eh? Ain't that nice? Well,
if you was the Archbishop of Canterbury I'd run yer in
and take yer 'shore if yer give me any more lip!
(To PRINCESS, sucks his teeth contemptuously and
turns his back on DUKE. Produces notebook
from pocket and addresses PRINCESS.)
As you was saying when we was interrupted, you was in
the hotel when the shooting occurred. Did you hear it?
PRINCESS.
Yes, I heard two shots.
DETECTIVE.
Did you hear anything else?
PRINCESS.
Yes, I heard some people running near my door.
DETECTIVE.
Any one come in?
PRINCESS.
Yes, my maid was frightened and came in.
DETECTIVE.
Aha! How did the lock on your door get broken?
PRINCESS.
It was broken when I came.
I explained all that at the hotel.
DETECTIVE.
Um--all right. What about the colored man who came to
your room and carried away a large bundle.
PRINCESS.
That was my servant. I sent for him. They were purchases
I made too late to put in my trunk. They are here, unopened;
you may examine them if you wish.
DETECTIVE.
That's all right, Miss, but what do you know about this?
(Produces knife from pocket--
walks slowly to her, examining it.)
The initial on it is "W."
PRINCESS.
Did I leave that? Thank you. I'm so glad you found it.
DETECTIVE.
Then it's yours? Who is W? Your name is Aragon, I believe.
PRINCESS.
I am Maria Theresa of Aragon.
DETECTIVE.
But who is W?
PRINCESS.
Why, er, it isn't W--you had it upside down.
It is M--Maria Theresa.
DETECTIVE.
That's all right, ma'am. Now there's just one thing more.
DUKE.
(Cross and touch DETECTIVE on arm)
You will pardon me, but I wish to inform you that
this man's name is Warren----
DETECTIVE.
(Crossing toward him)
Say! Who's conducting this inquiry, you er me?
DUKE.
But, my dear man----
DETECTIVE.
I am not your dear man. Cut that! You get out of here.
(Forces him toward door.)
PRINCESS.
Yes, do go, Carlos. Leave us to attend to this matter.
I am sure we can finish this better without you.
DUKE.
I merely wished to point out----
DETECTIVE.
(Interrupting and hustling DUKE out)
You hear what the lady says.
(SECOND DETECTIVE cross to DUKE.)
Cut it, or out yer goes, and if ye butt
in again I'll fan yer. Do you hear?
(SECOND DETECTIVE slaps DUKE on arm,
motions him to door R.)
DUKE.
(At door)
Infernal outrage! I shall report this to the King!
DETECTIVE.
To the King, huh? Did you get that, Tom?
Well, what do you know about that?
(SECOND DETECTIVE closes door.)
JARVIS.
Don't be disturbed, gentlemen; he's quite harmless.
You heard him talking about the King--he suffers from
Regalmania. He has grandiose ideas.
DETECTIVE.
(Aside)
What does that mean, Tom?
SECOND DETECTIVE.
(With gesture to head)
Wheels.
DETECTIVE.
You mean he is crazy?
JARVIS.
Yes, he is at times; but he is not at all dangerous.
DETECTIVE.
You lookin' out for him?
JARVIS.
Yes, that's my job.
DETECTIVE.
Sorry I had to be rough with him like that, Miss, but you saw he was gumming the game. I'm going back to New York in the pilot boat shortly and there wasn't no time to waste. Now just one question more. How do you account for the blood on that knob of your door?
PRINCESS.
Blood, on my door---- Why, I----
JARVIS.
I think I can explain that, Inspector.
DETECTIVE.
Go ahead, then.
JARVIS.
(Cross C.)
Allow me.
PRINCESS.
Certainly.
JARVIS.
The colored man, the one you were talking about, the one who brought the bundle, that bundle there, carelessly broke the blade of that knife and cut his hand. That was it, wasn't it? You see the large blade is snapped off near the handle.
DETECTIVE.
Where is this colored man now?
PRINCESS.
He is in stateroom 729.
DETECTIVE.
All right, I will just take a look at him. 729?
Sorry to bother you. They was the Chief's orders. Good-bye.
(Exit.)
PRINCESS.
But his hand isn't cut.
JARVIS.
(Cross to 'phone)
No, not yet--but it soon will be. Hello, give me 729.
(Pause.)
Hello, hello, hello, Rusty? Damn it all, answer me, do you hear me?
(Pause.)
Yes, I know I did, but I am telling you to talk now. Do just what I tell you and do it quick. Take your knife and cut your left hand. What? No, no, you a--damned fool, don't cut it off, but just enough to make it bleed a little and then tie it up with a handkerchief. Never mind. Do it quick, and remember, don't answer questions. You're deaf and dumb again.
(Hangs up receiver and turns to PRINCESS.)
By gee, you're game! You certainly buffaloed that Detective.
Then your cousin Carlos broke in at the psychological moment
to scatter their gum-shoe wits.
(Laugh.)
PRINCESS.
They believe he's crazy.
JARVIS.
That's just it. Now they won't listen to him.
Yes, he'll be crazy, all right.
Do you think you can handle him?
PRINCESS.
Yes, you have your hand dressed.
JARVIS.
Then I'll hunt up the ship's surgeon--and
be back directly. Gee, you're game!
(Cross to door R. DUKE enters
at door R. JARVIS turns.)
Crazy! That's funny!
(JARVIS exits, laughing.)
DUKE.
(Showing suppressed emotion,
stands R.C. glaring at PRINCESS)
Well!
PRINCESS.
Well!
DUKE.
Well, I'm waiting!
PRINCESS.
For what, Carlos?
DUKE.
For some explanation. Who is this man Warren?
PRINCESS.
He is a professional ghost breaker, as he explained.
DUKE.
How did you find him?
PRINCESS.
I met him quite by accident.
DUKE.
What do you know about him?
PRINCESS.
Why, he is as well known in America as you are in Spain.
DUKE. Indeed!
(Cross to center.)
Well, he will be better known when I turn him over to the police.
PRINCESS.
Why, Carlos, what do you mean?
DUKE.
I think you know that which I mean, Maria.
(DETECTIVE sticks head in door.)
DETECTIVE.
It's all right, Madame, but you might have told us that
your nigger was a dummy.
DUKE.
(To PRINCESS)
One moment, gentlemen, one moment.
(DETECTIVES enter.)
If this person is famous, these gentlemen should know him.
Do you know Warren, the Ghost Breaker?
DETECTIVE.
The what?
DUKE.
The Ghost Breaker!
DETECTIVE.
(Both grinning)
He's off again, Tom.
(Enter JARVIS.)
DUKE.
Now we'll see. Is this man Warren, the Ghost Breaker?
(Warren winks at DETECTIVES.)
DETECTIVE.
(To SECOND DETECTIVE)
He's hip, all right.
JARVIS.
Agree with anything he says.
DUKE.
(Furiously)
Answer my question--is this man Warren, the Ghost Breaker?
DETECTIVE.
Now, that's all right, Dook.
Sure he's a Ghost Breaker, ain't he, Tom?
SECOND DETECTIVE.
Surest thing you know.
DUKE.
Sacristi, am I, Carlos Hernando D'Alva, to be mocked at
by two grinning, bull-necked scullions?
(Ship's officer appears in door.)
SHIP'S OFFICER.
Hurry up, there, if you're going ashore with the pilot!
DETECTIVES.
(As they go through door)
You're all right, Dook, old boy! Ghost Breaker! Ha, ha!
(They exit.)
DUKE.
(Crossing toward door)
I'll see the Captain.
JARVIS.
(Back against door)
I think not just yet!
CURTAIN. _
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