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Doctor Luke of the Labrador, a novel by Norman Duncan |
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Chapter 4. The Shadow |
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_ CHAPTER IV. THE SHADOW When the mail-boat left our coast to the long isolation of that winter my mother was even more tender with the scrawny plants in the five red pots on the window-shelf. On gray days, when our house and all the world lay in the soggy shadow of the fog, she fretted sadly for their health; and she kept feverish watch for a rift in the low, sad sky, and sighed and wished for sunlight. It mystified me to perceive the wistful regard she bestowed upon the stalks and leaves that thrived the illest--the soft touches for the yellowing leaves, and, at last, the tear that fell, when, withered beyond hope, they were plucked and cast away--and I asked her why she loved the sick leaves so; and she answered that she knew but would not tell me why. Many a time, too, at twilight, I surprised her sitting downcast by the window, staring out--and far--not upon the rock and sea of our harbour, but as though through the thickening shadows into some other place. "What you lookin' at, mum?" I asked her, once. "A glory," she answered. "Glory!" said I. "They's no glory out there. The night falls. 'Tis all black an' cold on the hills. Sure, I sees no glory." "'Tis not a glory, but a shadow," she whispered, "for you!" Nor was I now ever permitted to see her in disarray, but always, as it seemed to me, fresh from my sister's clever hands, her hair laid smooth and shining, her simple gown starched crisp and sweetly smelling of the ironing board; and when I asked her why she was never but thus lovely, she answered, with a smile, that surely it pleased her son to find her always so: which, indeed, it did. I felt, hence, in some puzzled way, that this display was a design upon me, but to what end I could not tell. And there was an air of sad unquiet in the house: it occurred to my childish fancy that my mother was like one bound alone upon a long journey; and once, deep in the night, when I had long lain ill at ease in the shadow of this fear, I crept to her door to listen, lest she be already fled, and I heard her sigh and faintly complain; and then I went back to bed, very sad that my mother should be ailing, but now sure that she would not leave me. Next morning my father leaned over our breakfast table and laid his broad hand upon my mother's shoulder; whereupon she looked up smiling, as ever she did when that big man caressed her. "I'll be havin' the doctor for you," he said. She gave him a swift glance of warning--then turned her wide eyes upon me. "Oh," said my father, "the lad knows you is sick. 'Tis no use tryin' t' keep it from un any more." "Ay," I sobbed, pushing my plate away, for I was of a sudden no longer hungry, "I heared you cryin' las' night." My sister came quickly to my side, and wound a soft arm about my neck, and drew my head close to her heart, and kissed me many times; and when she had soothed me I looked up and found my mother gloriously glad that I had cried. "'Tis nothing," then she said, with a rush of tenderness for my grief. "'Tis not hard to bear. 'Tis----" "Ay, but," said my father, "I'll be havin' the doctor t' see you." My mother pooh-poohed it all. The doctor? For her? Not she! She was not sick enough for that! "I'm bent," said my father, doggedly, "on havin' that man." "David," cried my mother, "I'll not have you do it!" "I'll have my way of it," said my father. "I'm bent on it, an' I'll be put off no longer. 'Tis no use, m'am--nar a bit! The doctor's comin' t' see you." "Ah, well!" sighed my mother. "Ay," said my father, "I'll have that man ashore when the mail-boat comes in the spring. 'Tis well on t' December now," he went on, "an' it may be we'll have an early break-up. Sure, if they's westerly winds in the spring, an' the ice clears away in good season, we'll be havin' the mail-boat north in May. Come, now! 'twill not be later than June, I 'low. An' I'll have that doctor ashore in a hurry, mark my words, when the anchor's down. That I will!" "'Tis a long time," said my mother. Every morning, thereafter, she said that she was better--always better--much, much better. 'Twas wonderful, she said, 'twas fair past making out, indeed, that she should so soon grow into a fine, hearty woman again; and 'twould be an easy matter, said she, for the mail-boat doctor to cure her--when he came. And she was now more discreet with her moods; not once did I catch her brooding alone, though more than once I lay in wait in dark corners or peered through the crack in the door; and she went smiling about the house, as of old--but yet not as of old; and I puzzled over the difference, but could not discover it. More often, now, at twilight, she lured me to her lap, where I was never loath to go, great lad of nine years though I was; and she sat silent with me, rocking, rocking, while the deeper night came down--and she kissed me so often that I wondered she did not tire of it--and she stroked my brow and cheeks, and touched my eyes, and ran her finger-tips over my eyebrows and nose and lips, ay, and softly played with my lips--and at times she strained me so hard to her breast that I near complained of the embrace--and I was no more driven off to bed when my eyes grew heavy, but let lie in her arms, while we sat silent, rocking, rocking, until long, long after I had fallen asleep. And once, at the end of a sweet, strange hour, making believe to play, she gently pried my eyes wide open and looked far into their depths--so deep, so long, so searchingly, so strangely, that I waxed uneasy under the glance. "Wh-wh-what--what you----" I began, inarticulately. "What am I looking for?" she interrupted, speaking quickly. "Ay," I whimpered, for I was deeply agitated; "what you lookin' for?" "For your heart," said she. I did not know what she meant; and I wondered concerning the fancy she had, but did not ask, for there was that in her voice and eyes that made me very solemn. "'Tis but a child's heart," she sighed, turning away. "'Tis but like the hearts," she whispered, "of all children. I cannot tell--I cannot tell," she sobbed, "and I want--oh, I want so much--to know!" "Don't cry!" I pleaded, thrown into an agony by her tears, in the way of all children. She sat me back in her lap. "Look in your mother's eyes, lad," said she, "and say after me this: 'My mother----'" "'My mother----'" I repeated, very soberly. "'Looked upon my heart----'" "'Looked upon my heart----'" said I. "'And found it brave----'" "'An' found it brave----'" "'And sweet----'" "'An' sweet----'" "'Willing for the day's work----'" said she. "'Willing for the day's work----'" I repeated. "'And harbouring no shameful hope.'" "'An' harbouring--no shameful--hope.'" Again and again she had me say it--until I knew it every word by heart. "Ah," said she, at last, "but you'll forget!" "No, no!" I cried. "I'll not forget. 'My mother looked upon my heart,'" I rattled, "'an' found it brave an' sweet, willing for the day's work an' harbouring no shameful hope.' I've not forgot! I've not forgot!" "He'll forget," she whispered, but not to me, "like all children." But I have not forgotten--I have not forgotten--I have never forgotten--that when I was a child my mother looked upon my heart and found it brave and sweet, willing for the day's work and harbouring no shameful hope. * * * * * The winter fell early and with ominous severity. Our bleak coast was soon too bitter with wind and frost and snow for the folk to continue in their poor habitations. They were driven in haste to the snugger inland tilts, which lay in a huddle at the Lodge, far up Twisted Arm, in the blessed proximity of fire-wood--there to trap and sleep in hardly mitigated misery until the kindlier spring days should once again invite them to the coast. My father, the only trader on forty miles of our coast, as always dealt them salt beef and flour and tea with a free hand, until, at last, the storehouses were swept clean of food, save sufficient for our own wants: his great heart hopeful that the catch of next season, and the honest hearts of the folk, and the mysterious favor of the Lord, would all conspire to repay him. And so they departed, bag and baggage, youngsters and dogs; and the waste of our harbour and of the infinite roundabout was left white and silent, as of death itself. But we dwelt on in our house under the sheltering Watchman; for my father, being a small trader, was better off than they--though I would not have you think him of consequence elsewhere--and had builded a stout house, double-windowed, lined with felt and wainscotted with canvas, so that but little frost formed on the walls of the living rooms, and that only in the coldest weather. "'Tis cozy enough," said my father, chucking my mother under the chin, "even for a maid a man might cotch up Boston way!" Presently came Skipper Tommy Lovejoy by rollicking dog-team from the Lodge to inquire after my mother's health--to cheer us, it may be, I'm thinking, with his hearty way, his vast hope, his odd fancies, his ruddy, twinkling face. Most we laughed when he described his plan (how seriously conceived there was no knowing) for training whales to serve as tugboats in calms and adverse winds. It appeared, too, that a similar recital had been trying to the composure of old Tom Tot, of our harbour, who had searched the Bible for seven years to discover therein a good man of whom it was said that he laughed, and, failing utterly, had thereupon vowed never again to commit the sin of levity. "Sure, I near fetched un," said Skipper Tommy, gleefully, "with me whales. I come near makin' Tom Tot break that scandalous vow, zur, indeed I did! He got wonderful purple in the face, an' choked in a fearsome way, when I showed un my steerin' gear for the beast's tail, but, as I'm sad t' say, zur, he managed t' keep it in without bustin'. But I'll get un yet, zur--oh, ay, zur--just leave un t' me! Ecod! zur, I'm thinkin' he'll capsize with all hands when I tells un I'm t' have a wheel-house on the forward deck o' that wha-a-ale!" But the old man soon forgot all about his whales, as he had forgotten to make out the strange way the Lord had discovered to fasten His stars to the sky; moved by a long contemplation of my mother's frailty, he had a nobler inspiration. "'Tis sad, lass," he said, his face aquiver with sympathy, "t' think that we've but one doctor t' cure the sick, an' him on the mail-boat. 'Tis wonderful sad t' think o' that! 'Tis a hard case," he went on, "but if a man only thunk hard enough he'd find a way t' mend it. Sure, what ought t' be mended can be mended. 'Tis the way o' the world. If a man only thinks hard an' thinks sensible, he'll find a way, zur, every time. 'Tis easy t' think hard, but 'tis sometimes hard," he added, "t' think t' the point." We were silent while he continued lost in deep and puzzled thought. "Ecod!" he burst out. "I got it!" "Have you, now?" cried my father, half amused, half amazed. "Just this minute, zur," said the skipper, in a glow of delighted astonishment. "It come t' me all t' oncet." "An' what is it?" "'Tis a sort o' book, zur!" "A book?" "Ay, 'tis just a book. Find out all the cures in the world an' put un in a book. Get the doctor-women's, an' the healers', an' the real doctor's, an' put un right in a book. Has you got the dip-theria? Ask the book what t' do. 'Dip-theria?' says the book t' you. 'Well, that's sad. Tie a split herring round your neck.' S'pose you got the salt-water sores. What do you do, then? Why, turn t' the book. 'Oh, 'tis nothin' t' cure that,' says the book. 'Wear a brass chain on your wrist, lad, an' you'll be troubled no more.' Take it, now, when you got blood-poison in the hand. What is you t' do, you wants t' know? 'Blood-poison in the hand?' says the book. 'Good gracious, that's awful! Cut off your hand.' 'Twould be a wonderful good work," the skipper concluded, "t' make a book like that!" It appeared to me that it would. "I wonder," the skipper went on, staring at the fire, a little smile playing upon his face, "if I couldn't do that! 'Twould surely be a thing worth doin'. I wonder--I wonder--if I couldn't manage--somehow--t' do it!" We said nothing; for he was not thinking of us, any more, as we knew--but only dreaming of the new and beneficent work which had of a sudden appeared to him. "But I isn't able t' write," he muttered, at last. "I--I--wisht I could!" "'Twould be a wonderful fine work for a man t' do," said my father. "'Tis a wonder, now," said Skipper Tommy, looking up with a bright face, "that no one ever thought o' doin' that afore. T' my mind," he added, much puzzled, "'tis very queer, indeed, that they's nar a man in all the world t' think o' that--but me!" My mother smiled. "I'm thinkin' I'll just have t' try," Skipper Tommy went on, frowning anxiously. "But, ecod!" he cried, "maybe the Lard wouldn't like it. Now, maybe, He wants us men t' mind our business. Maybe, He'd say, 'You keep your finger out o' My pie. Don't you go makin' no books about cures.' But, oh, no!" with the overflow of fine feeling which so often came upon him. "Why, He wouldn't mind a little thing like that. Sure, I wouldn't mind it, meself! 'You go right ahead, lad,' He'd say, 'an' try t' work your cures. Don't you be afeared o' Me. I'll not mind. But, lad,' He'd say, 'when I wants my way I just got t' have it. Don't you forget that. Don't you go thinkin' you can have your way afore I has Mine. You just trust Me t' do what's right. I know My business. I'm used t' running worlds. I'm wonderful sorry,' He'd say, 't' have t' make you feel bad; but they's times, b'y,' He'd say, 'when I really got t' have My way.' Oh, no," Skipper Tommy concluded, "the Lard wouldn't mind a poor man's tryin' t' make a book like that! An' I thinks I'll just have t' try." "Sure, Skipper Tommy," said I, "I'll help you." Skipper Tommy stared at me in great amaze. "Ay," said my mother, "Davy has learned to write." "That I have," I boasted; "an' I'll help you make that book." "'Tis the same," cried Skipper Tommy, slapping his thigh "as if 'twas writ already!" * * * * * After a long time, my mother spoke. "You're always wanting to do some good thing, Skipper Tommy, are you not?" said she. "Well," he admitted, his face falling, "I thinks and wonders a deal, 'tis true, but somehow I don't seem t'----" "Ay?" my father asked. "Get--nowhere--much!" Very true: but, even then, there was a man on the way to help him. _ |
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