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The Gem Collector, a fiction by P G Wodehouse |
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CHAPTER XIII |
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_ CHAPTER XIII The emotions of a man who has just proposed and been accepted are complex and overwhelming. A certain stunned sensation is perhaps predominant. Blended with this is relief, the relief of a general who has brought a difficult campaign to a successful end, or of a member of a forlorn hope who finds that the danger is over, and he is still alive. To this must be added a newly born sense of magnificence, of finding oneself to be, without having known it, the devil of a fellow. We have dimly suspected, perhaps, from time to time that we were something rather out of the ordinary run of men, but there has always been a haunting fear that this view was to be attributed to a personal bias in our own favor. When, however, our suspicion is suddenly confirmed by the only judge for whose opinion we have the least respect, our bosom heaves with complacency, and the world has nothing more to offer. With some accepted suitors there is an alloy of apprehension in the metal of their happiness; and the strain of an engagement sometimes brings with it even a faint shadow of regret. "She makes me buy new clothes," one swain, in the third quarter of his engagement, was overheard to moan to a friend. "Two new ties only yesterday." He seemed to be debating within himself whether human nature could stand the strain. But, whatever tragedies may cloud the end of the period, its beginning at least is bathed in sunshine. Jimmy, regarding his lathered face in the glass as he dressed for dinner that night, called himself the luckiest man on earth, and wondered if he were worthy of such happiness. Thinking it over, he came to the conclusion that he was not, but that all the same he meant to have it. No doubt distressed him. It might have occurred to him that the relations between Mr. McEachern and himself offered a very serious bar to his prospects; but in his present frame of mind he declined to consider the existence of the ex-constable at all. In a world that contained Molly there was no room for other people. They were not in the picture. They did not exist. There are men in the world who, through long custom, can find themselves engaged without any particular whirl of emotion. King Solomon probably belonged to this class; and even Henry the Eighth must have become a trifle blase in time. But to the average man, the novice, the fact of being accepted seems to divide existence into two definite parts, before and after. A sensitive conscience goads some into compiling a full and unexpurgated autobiography, the edition limited to one copy, which is presented to the lady most interested. Some men find a melancholy pleasure in these confessions. They like to draw the girl of their affections aside and have a long, cozy chat about what scoundrels they were before they met her. But, after all, the past is past and cannot be altered, and it is to be supposed that, whatever we may have done in that checkered period, we intend to behave ourselves for the future. So, why harp on it? Jimmy acted upon this plan. Many men in his place, no doubt, would have steered the conversation skillfully to the subject of the eighth commandment, and then said: "Talking about stealing, did I ever tell you that I was a burglar myself for about six years?" Jimmy was reticent. All that was over, he told himself. He had given it up. He had buried the past. Why exhume it? It did not occur to him to confess his New York crimes to Molly any more than to tell her that, when seven, he had been caned for stealing jam. These things had happened to a man of the name of Jimmy Pitt, it was true. But it was not the Jimmy Pitt who had proposed to Molly in the canoe on the lake. The vapid and irreflective reader may jump to the conclusion that Jimmy was a casuist, and ought to have been ashamed of himself. He will be perfectly right. On the other hand, one excuse may urged in his favor. His casuistry imposed upon himself. To Jimmy, shaving, there entered, in the furtive manner habitual to that unreclaimed buccaneer, Spike Mullins. "Say, Mr. Chames," he said. "Well," said Jimmy, "and how goes the world with young Lord Fitz Mullins? Spike, have you ever been best man?" "On your way! What's that?" "Best man at a wedding. Chap who stands by the bridegroom with a hand on the scruff of his neck to see that he goes through with it. Fellow who looks after everything, crowds the crisp banknotes onto the clergyman after the ceremony, and then goes off and marries the first bridesmaid, and lives happily ever after." "I ain't got no use for gettin' married, Mr. Chames." "Spike, the misogynist! You wait, Spike. Some day love will awake in your heart, and you'll start writing poetry." "I'se not dat kind of mug, Mr. Chames," protested Spike. "Dere _was_ a goil, dough. Only I was never her steady. And she married one of de odder boys." "Why didn't you knock him down and carry her off?" "He was de lightweight champion of de woild." "That makes a difference, doesn't it? But away with melancholy, Spike! I'm feeling as if somebody had given me Broadway for a birthday present." "Youse to de good," agreed Spike. "Well, any news? Keggs all right? How are you getting on?" "Mr. Chames." Spike sank his voice to a whisper. "Dat's what I chased meself here about. Dere's a mug down in de soivant's hall what's a detective. Yes, dat's right, if I ever saw one." "What makes you think so?" "On your way, Mr. Chames! Can't I tell? I could pick out a fly cop out of a bunch of a thousand. Sure. Dis mug's vally to Sir Thomas, dat's him. But he ain't no vally. He's come to see dat no one don't get busy wit de jools. Say, what do you t'ink of dem jools, Mr. Chames?" "Finest I ever saw." "Yes, dat's right. De limit, ain't dey? Ain't youse really----" "No, Spike, I am not, thank you _very_ much for inquiring. I'm never going to touch a jewel again unless I've paid for it and got the receipt in my pocket." Spike shuffled despondently. "All the same," said Jimmy, "I shouldn't give yourself away to this detective. If he tries pumping you at all, give him the frozen face." "Sure. But he ain't de only one." "What, _more_ detectives? They'll have to put up 'house full' boards at this rate. Who's the other?" "De mug what came dis afternoon. Ole man McEachern brought him. I seed Miss Molly talking to him." "The chap from the inn? Why, that's an old New York friend of McEachern's." "Anyhow, Mr. Chames, he's a sleut'. I can tell 'em by deir eyes and deir feet, and de whole of dem." An idea came into Jimmy's mind. "I see," he said. "Our friend McEachern has got him in to spy on us. I might have known he'd be up to something like that." "Dat's right, Mr. Chames." "Of course you may be mistaken." "Not me, Mr. Chames." "Anyhow, I shall be seeing him at dinner. I can get talking to him afterward. I shall soon find out what his game is." For the moment, Molly was forgotten. The old reckless spirit was carrying him away. This thing was a deliberate challenge. He had been on parole. He had imagined that his word was all that McEachern had to rely on. But if the policeman had been working secretly against him all this time, his parole was withdrawn automatically. The thought that, if he did nothing, McEachern would put it down complacently to the vigilance of his detective and his own astuteness in engaging him stung Jimmy. His six years of burglary had given him an odd sort of professional pride. "I've half a mind," he said softly. The familiar expression on his face was not lost on Spike. "To try for de jools, Mr. Chames?" he asked eagerly. His words broke the spell. Molly resumed her place. The hard look died out of Jimmy's eyes. "No," he said. "Not that. It can't be done." "Yes, it could, Mr. Chames. Dead easy. I've been up to de room, and I've seen de box what de jools is put in at night. We could get at them easy as pullin' de plug out of a bottle. Say, dis is de softest proposition, dis house. Look what I got dis afternoon, Mr. Chames." He plunged his hand into his pocket, and drew it out again. As he unclosed his fingers, Jimmy caught the gleam of precious stones. He started as one who sees snakes in the grass. "What the----" he gasped. Spike was looking at his treasure-trove with an air of affectionate proprietorship. "Where on earth did you get those?" asked Jimmy. "Out of one of de rooms. Dey belonged to one of de loidies. It was de easiest old t'ing ever, Mr. Chames. I went in when dere was nobody about, and dere dey were on de toible. I never butted into anyt'ing so soft, Mr. Chames." "Spike." "Yes, Mr. Chames?" "Do you remember the room you took them from?" "Sure. It was de foist on de----" "Then just listen to me for a moment. When we're at dinner, you've got to go to that room and put those things back--all of them, mind you--just where you found them. Do you understand?" Spike's jaw had fallen. "Put dem back, Mr. Chames!" he faltered. "Every single one of them." "Mr. Chames!" said Spike plaintively. "You'll bear it in mind? Directly dinner has begun, every one of those things goes back where it belongs. See?" "Very well, Mr. Chames." The dejection in his voice would have moved the sternest to pity. Gloom had enveloped Spike's spirit. The sunlight had gone out of his life. _ |
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