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The Gem Collector, a fiction by P G Wodehouse |
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CHAPTER VIII |
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_ CHAPTER VIII "It's a conspiracy!" thundered Mr. McEachern. He stood in the doorway, breathing heavily. It has been shown that the ex-policeman was somewhat prone to harbor suspicions of those round about him, and at the present moment his mind was aflame. Indeed, a more trusting man might have been excused for feeling a little doubtful as to the intentions of Jimmy and Spike. When McEachern had heard that his stepson had brought home a casual London acquaintance, he had suspected the existence of hidden motives on the part of the unknown. Spennie, he had told himself, was precisely the sort of youth to whom the professional bunko-steerer would attach himself with shouts of joy. Never, he had assured himself, had there been a softer proposition than his stepson since bunko-steering became a profession. When he found that the strange visitor was Jimmy Pitt, his suspicions had increased a thousandfold. And when, going to his dressing room to get ready for dinner, he had nearly run into Spike Mullins, Red Spike of shameful memory, his frame of mind had been that of a man to whom a sudden ray of light reveals the fact that he is on the very brink of a black precipice. Jimmy and Spike had been a firm in New York. And here they were, together again, in his house in Shropshire. To say that the thing struck McEachern as sinister is to put the matter baldly. There was once a gentleman who remarked that he smelt a rat and saw it floating in the air. Ex-constable McEachern smelt a regiment of rats, and the air seemed to him positively congested with them. His first impulse had been to rush to Jimmy's room there and then; but Lady Jane had trained him well. Though the heavens might fall, he must not be late for dinner. So he went and dressed, and an obstinate tie put the finishing touches to his wrath. Jimmy regarded him coolly, without moving from the chair in which he had seated himself. Spike, on the other hand, seemed embarrassed. He stood first on one leg and then on the other, as if he were testing the respective merits of each, and would make a definite choice later on. "Ye scoundrels!" growled McEachern. Spike, who had been standing for a few moments on his right leg, and seemed at last to have come to a decision, hastily changed to the left, and grinned feebly. "Say, youse won't want me any more, Mr. Chames?" he whispered. "No; you can go, Spike." "Ye stay where y'are, ye red-headed limb." "Run along, Spike!" said Jimmy. The Bowery boy looked doubtfully at the huge form of the ex-policeman, which blocked access to the door. "Would you mind letting my man pass?" said Jimmy. "Ye stay----" began McEachern. Jimmy got up, and walked round him to the door, which he opened. Spike shot out like a rabbit released from a trap. He was not lacking in courage, but he disliked embarrassing interviews, and it struck him that Mr. Chames was the man to handle a situation of this kind. He felt that he himself would only be in the way. "Now we can talk comfortably," said Jimmy, going back to his chair. McEachern's deep-set eyes gleamed, and his forehead grew red; but he mastered his feelings. "An' now," said he, "perhaps ye'll explain!" "What exactly?" asked Jimmy. "What ye're doin' here." "Nothing at the moment." "Ye know what I mane. Why are ye here, you and that red-headed devil?" He jerked his head in the direction of the door. "I am here because I was very kindly invited to come by your stepson." "I know ye." "You have that privilege." "I know ye, I say, and I want to know what ye're here to do." "To do? Well, I shall potter about the garden, don't you know, and smell the roses, and look at the horses, and feed the chickens, and perhaps go for an occasional row on the lake. Nothing more. Oh, yes, I believe they want me to act in these theatricals." "An' I'll tell ye another thing ye'll be wanted to do, and that is to go away from here at wance!" "My dear old sir!" "Ye hear me? At wance." "Couldn't think of it," said Jimmy decidedly. "Not for a moment." "I'll expose ye," stormed McEachern. "I'll expose ye. Will ye deny that ye was a crook in New York?" "What proofs have you?" "Proofs! Will you deny it?" "No. It's quite true." "I knew it." "But I'm a reformed character, now, Mr. McEachern. I have money of my own. It was left me. I hear you had money left you, too." "I did," said McEachern shortly. "Congratulate you. I'm glad I know, because otherwise I might have formed quite a wrong impression when I came here and found you with money to burn. Quite the old English squire now, Mr. McEachern, what?" "Ye'll lave the house to-morrow." "All the more reason why we should make the most of this opportunity of talking over old times. Did you mind leaving the force?" "And ye'll take that blackguard Mullins wid ye." "Judging from the stories one hears, it must be a jolly sort of life. What a pity so many of them go in for graft. I could tell you some stories about a policeman I used to know in New York. He was the champion grafter. I remember hearing one yarn from a newspaper man out there. This reporter chap happened to hear of the grumblings of some tenants of an apartment house uptown which led them to believe that certain noises they complained of were made by burglars who used the flat as a place to pack up the loot for shipment to other cities. You know that habit of ours, don't you? He was quite right, and when he tipped off his newspaper they reported the thing to the police. Now, I could have gone right up and made those men show up their hands by merely asking them to. "Not so the police. I wonder if you remember the case. You look as if you were beginning to. The police went blundering at wrong doors, and most of the gang got away. And while they were in the house after the raid a woman was able to slip in and take away on an express wagon the three trunks which were to have been held for evidence. And that's not all, either. There was one particular policeman who held the case for the prosecution in his hands. If he had played up in court next day, the one man that had been captured would have got all that was coming to him. What happened? Why, his evidence broke down, and the man was discharged. It's a long story. I hope it hasn't bored you." McEachern did not look bored. He was mopping his forehead, and breathing quickly. "It was a most interesting case," said Jimmy. "I've got all the names." "It's a lie!" "Not at all. True as anything. Ever heard of that policeman--I've got his name, too--who made a lot of money by getting appointments in the force for men of his acquaintance? He used to be paid heavily for it, and you'd hardly believe what a lot of scoundrels he let in in that way." "See here----" began McEachern huskily. "I wonder if you ever came across any men in the force who made anything by that dodge of arresting a person and then getting a lawyer for them. Ever heard of that? It's rather like a double ruff at bridge. You--I'm awfully sorry. I shouldn't have used that word. What I meant to say was the policeman makes his arrest, then suggests that the person had better have a bondsman. He gathers in a bondsman, who charges the prisoner four dollars for bailing him out. Two dollars of this goes to the sergeant, who accepts the bail without question, and the policeman takes one. Then the able and intelligent officer says to the prisoner: 'What you want is a lawyer.' 'Right,' says the prisoner, 'if you think so.' Off goes the policeman and gets the lawyer. Five more dollars, of which he gets his share. It's a beautiful system. It might interest the people at dinner to-night to hear about it. I think I'll tell them." "You'll----" "And when you come to think that some policemen in New York take tribute from peddlers who obstruct the traffic, tradesmen who obstruct the sidewalk, restaurant keepers who keep open after one o'clock in the morning, drivers who exceed speed limits, and keepers of pool rooms, you'll understand that there's a good bit to be made out of graft, if you go in for it seriously. It's uncommonly lucky, McEachern, that you were left that money. Otherwise you might have been tempted, mightn't you?" There was a somewhat breathless silence in the room. Mr. McEachern was panting slightly. "You couldn't reconsider your decision about sending me away to-morrow, I suppose?" said Jimmy, flicking at his shoes with a handkerchief. "It's a lovely part of the country, this. I would be sorry to leave it." Mr. McEachern's brain was working with unwonted rapidity. This man must be silenced at all costs. It would be fatal to his prospects in English society if one tithe of these gruesome stories were made public. And he believed Jimmy capable of making them public, being guilty thereby of an error of judgment. Jimmy, though he had no respect at all for Mr. McEachern, would have died sooner than spread any story which, even in an indirect way, could reflect upon Molly. Mr. McEachern, however, had not the advantage of knowing his antagonist's feelings, and the bluff was successful. "Ye can stay," he said. "Thanks," said Jimmy. "And I'll beg ye not to mention the force at dinner or at any other time." "I won't dream of it." "They think I made me money on Wall Street." "It would have been a slower job there. You were wise in your choice. Shall we go down to the drawing-room, now?" "Ye say y'are rich yerself," said McEachern. "Very," said Jimmy, "so don't you worry yourself, my Wall Street speculator." Mr. McEachern did not worry himself. He had just recollected that in a very short time he would have a trained detective on the premises. Any looking after that James Willoughby Pitt might require might safely be left in the hands of this expert. _ |
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