CHAPTER TEN

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_ CONTAINING STRANGE MATTER, ON WHICH MANY EVENTS IN THIS
HISTORY MAY, FOR THEIR GOOD OR EVIL INFLUENCE, CHIEFLY DEPEND

But Mr Pecksniff came to town on business. Had he forgotten that?

Was he always taking his pleasure with Todgers's jovial brood,

unmindful of the serious demands, whatever they might be, upon his

calm consideration? No.

 

Time and tide will wait for no man, saith the adage. But all men

have to wait for time and tide. That tide which, taken at the

flood, would lead Seth Pecksniff on to fortune, was marked down in

the table, and about to flow. No idle Pecksniff lingered far

inland, unmindful of the changes of the stream; but there, upon the

water's edge, over his shoes already, stood the worthy creature,

prepared to wallow in the very mud, so that it slid towards the

quarter of his hope.

 

The trustfulness of his two fair daughters was beautiful indeed.

They had that firm reliance on their parent's nature, which taught

them to feel certain that in all he did he had his purpose straight

and full before him. And that its noble end and object was himself,

which almost of necessity included them, they knew. The devotion of

these maids was perfect.

 

Their filial confidence was rendered the more touching, by their

having no knowledge of their parent's real designs, in the present

instance. All that they knew of his proceedings was, that every

morning, after the early breakfast, he repaired to the post office

and inquired for letters. That task performed, his business for the

day was over; and he again relaxed, until the rising of another sun

proclaimed the advent of another post.

 

This went on for four or five days. At length, one morning, Mr

Pecksniff returned with a breathless rapidity, strange to observe in

him, at other times so calm; and, seeking immediate speech with his

daughters, shut himself up with them in private conference for two

whole hours. Of all that passed in this period, only the following

words of Mr Pecksniff's utterance are known:

 

'How he has come to change so very much (if it should turn out as I

expect, that he has), we needn't stop to inquire. My dears, I have

my thoughts upon the subject, but I will not impart them. It is

enough that we will not be proud, resentful, or unforgiving. If he

wants our friendship he shall have it. We know our duty, I hope!'

 

That same day at noon, an old gentleman alighted from a hackney-coach

at the post-office, and, giving his name, inquired for a letter

addressed to himself, and directed to be left till called for. It

had been lying there some days. The superscription was in Mr

Pecksniff's hand, and it was sealed with Mr Pecksniff's seal.

 

It was very short, containing indeed nothing more than an address

'with Mr Pecksniff's respectful, and (not withstanding what has

passed) sincerely affectionate regards.' The old gentleman tore off

the direction--scattering the rest in fragments to the winds--and

giving it to the coachman, bade him drive as near that place as he

could. In pursuance of these instructions he was driven to the

Monument; where he again alighted, and dismissed the vehicle, and

walked towards Todgers's.

 

Though the face, and form, and gait of this old man, and even his

grip of the stout stick on which he leaned, were all expressive of a

resolution not easily shaken, and a purpose (it matters little

whether right or wrong, just now) such as in other days might have

survived the rack, and had its strongest life in weakest death;

still there were grains of hesitation in his mind, which made him

now avoid the house he sought, and loiter to and fro in a gleam of

sunlight, that brightened the little churchyard hard by. There may

have been, in the presence of those idle heaps of dust among the

busiest stir of life, something to increase his wavering; but there

he walked, awakening the echoes as he paced up and down, until the

church clock, striking the quarters for the second time since he had

been there, roused him from his meditation. Shaking off his

incertitude as the air parted with the sound of the bells, he walked

rapidly to the house, and knocked at the door.

 

Mr Pecksniff was seated in the landlady's little room, and his

visitor found him reading--by an accident; he apologised for it--an

excellent theological work. There were cake and wine upon a little

table--by another accident, for which he also apologised. Indeed he

said, he had given his visitor up, and was about to partake of that

simple refreshment with his children, when he knocked at the door.

 

'Your daughters are well?' said old Martin, laying down his hat and

stick.

 

Mr Pecksniff endeavoured to conceal his agitation as a father when

he answered Yes, they were. They were good girls, he said, very

good. He would not venture to recommend Mr Chuzzlewit to take the

easy-chair, or to keep out of the draught from the door. If he made

any such suggestion, he would expose himself, he feared, to most

unjust suspicion. He would, therefore, content himself with

remarking that there was an easy-chair in the room, and that the

door was far from being air-tight. This latter imperfection, he

might perhaps venture to add, was not uncommonly to be met with in

old houses.

 

The old man sat down in the easy-chair, and after a few moments'

silence, said:

 

'In the first place, let me thank you for coming to London so

promptly, at my almost unexplained request; I need scarcely add, at

my cost.'

 

'At YOUR cost, my good sir!' cried Mr Pecksniff, in a tone of great

surprise.

 

'It is not,' said Martin, waving his hand impatiently, 'my habit to

put my--well! my relatives--to any personal expense to gratify my

caprices.'

 

'Caprices, my good sir!' cried Mr Pecksniff

 

'That is scarcely the proper word either, in this instance,' said

the old man. 'No. You are right.'

 

Mr Pecksniff was inwardly very much relieved to hear it, though he

didn't at all know why.

 

'You are right,' repeated Martin. 'It is not a caprice. It is

built up on reason, proof, and cool comparison. Caprices never are.

Moreover, I am not a capricious man. I never was.'

 

'Most assuredly not,' said Mr Pecksniff.

 

'How do you know?' returned the other quickly. 'You are to begin to

know it now. You are to test and prove it, in time to come. You

and yours are to find that I can be constant, and am not to be

diverted from my end. Do you hear?'

 

'Perfectly,' said Mr Pecksniff.

 

'I very much regret,' Martin resumed, looking steadily at him, and

speaking in a slow and measured tone; 'I very much regret that you

and I held such a conversation together, as that which passed

between us at our last meeting. I very much regret that I laid open

to you what were then my thoughts of you, so freely as I did. The

intentions that I bear towards you now are of another kind; deserted

by all in whom I have ever trusted; hoodwinked and beset by all who

should help and sustain me; I fly to you for refuge. I confide in

you to be my ally; to attach yourself to me by ties of Interest and

Expectation'--he laid great stress upon these words, though Mr

Pecksniff particularly begged him not to mention it; 'and to help me

to visit the consequences of the very worst species of meanness,

dissimulation, and subtlety, on the right heads.'

 

'My noble sir!' cried Mr Pecksniff, catching at his outstretched

hand. 'And YOU regret the having harboured unjust thoughts of me!

YOU with those grey hairs!'

 

'Regrets,' said Martin, 'are the natural property of grey hairs; and

I enjoy, in common with all other men, at least my share of such

inheritance. And so enough of that. I regret having been severed

from you so long. If I had known you sooner, and sooner used you as

you well deserve, I might have been a happier man.'

 

Mr Pecksniff looked up to the ceiling, and clasped his hands in

rapture.

 

'Your daughters,' said Martin, after a short silence. 'I don't know

them. Are they like you?'

 

'In the nose of my eldest and the chin of my youngest, Mr

Chuzzlewit,' returned the widower, 'their sainted parent (not

myself, their mother) lives again.'

 

'I don't mean in person,' said the old man. 'Morally, morally.'

 

''Tis not for me to say,' retorted Mr Pecksniff with a gentle smile.

'I have done my best, sir.'

 

'I could wish to see them,' said Martin; 'are they near at hand?'

 

They were, very near; for they had in fact been listening at the

door from the beginning of this conversation until now, when they

precipitately retired. Having wiped the signs of weakness from his

eyes, and so given them time to get upstairs, Mr Pecksniff opened

the door, and mildly cried in the passage,

 

'My own darlings, where are you?'

 

'Here, my dear pa!' replied the distant voice of Charity.

 

'Come down into the back parlour, if you please, my love,' said Mr

Pecksniff, 'and bring your sister with you.'

 

'Yes, my dear pa,' cried Merry; and down they came directly (being

all obedience), singing as they came.

 

Nothing could exceed the astonishment of the two Miss Pecksniffs

when they found a stranger with their dear papa. Nothing could

surpass their mute amazement when he said, 'My children, Mr

Chuzzlewit!' But when he told them that Mr Chuzzlewit and he were

friends, and that Mr Chuzzlewit had said such kind and tender words

as pierced his very heart, the two Miss Pecksniffs cried with one

accord, 'Thank Heaven for this!' and fell upon the old man's neck.

And when they had embraced him with such fervour of affection that

no words can describe it, they grouped themselves about his chair,

and hung over him, as figuring to themselves no earthly joy like

that of ministering to his wants, and crowding into the remainder

of his life, the love they would have diffused over their whole

existence, from infancy, if he--dear obdurate!--had but consented

to receive the precious offering.

 

The old man looked attentively from one to the other, and then at Mr

Pecksniff, several times.

 

'What,' he asked of Mr Pecksniff, happening to catch his eye in its

descent; for until now it had been piously upraised, with something

of that expression which the poetry of ages has attributed to a

domestic bird, when breathing its last amid the ravages of an

electric storm: 'What are their names?'

 

Mr Pecksniff told him, and added, rather hastily; his caluminators

would have said, with a view to any testamentary thoughts that might

be flitting through old Martin's mind; 'Perhaps, my dears, you had

better write them down. Your humble autographs are of no value in

themselves, but affection may prize them.'

 

'Affection,' said the old man, 'will expend itself on the living

originals. Do not trouble yourselves, my girls, I shall not so

easily forget you, Charity and Mercy, as to need such tokens of

remembrance. Cousin!'

 

'Sir!' said Mr Pecksniff, with alacrity.

 

'Do you never sit down?'

 

'Why--yes--occasionally, sir,' said Mr Pecksniff, who had been

standing all this time.

 

'Will you do so now?'

 

'Can you ask me,' returned Mr Pecksniff, slipping into a chair

immediately, 'whether I will do anything that you desire?'

 

'You talk confidently,' said Martin, 'and you mean well; but I fear

you don't know what an old man's humours are. You don't know what

it is to be required to court his likings and dislikings; to adapt

yourself to his prejudices; to do his bidding, be it what it may; to

bear with his distrusts and jealousies; and always still be zealous

in his service. When I remember how numerous these failings are in

me, and judge of their occasional enormity by the injurious thoughts

I lately entertained of you, I hardly dare to claim you for my

friend.'

 

'My worthy sir,' returned his relative, 'how CAN you talk in such a

painful strain! What was more natural than that you should make one

slight mistake, when in all other respects you were so very correct,

and have had such reason--such very sad and undeniable reason--to

judge of every one about you in the worst light!'

 

'True,' replied the other. 'You are very lenient with me.'

 

'We always said, my girls and I,' cried Mr Pecksniff with increasing

obsequiousness, 'that while we mourned the heaviness of our

misfortune in being confounded with the base and mercenary, still we

could not wonder at it. My dears, you remember?'

 

Oh vividly! A thousand times!

 

'We uttered no complaint,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'Occasionally we had

the presumption to console ourselves with the remark that Truth

would in the end prevail, and Virtue be triumphant; but not often.

My loves, you recollect?'

 

Recollect! Could he doubt it! Dearest pa, what strange unnecessary

questions!

 

'And when I saw you,' resumed Mr Pecksniff, with still greater

deference, 'in the little, unassuming village where we take the

liberty of dwelling, I said you were mistaken in me, my dear sir;

that was all, I think?'

 

'No--not all,' said Martin, who had been sitting with his hand upon

his brow for some time past, and now looked up again; 'you said much

more, which, added to other circumstances that have come to my

knowledge, opened my eyes. You spoke to me, disinterestedly, on

behalf of--I needn't name him. You know whom I mean.'

 

Trouble was expressed in Mr Pecksniff's visage, as he pressed his

hot hands together, and replied, with humility, 'Quite

disinterestedly, sir, I assure you.'

 

'I know it,' said old Martin, in his quiet way. 'I am sure of it.

I said so. It was disinterested too, in you, to draw that herd of

harpies off from me, and be their victim yourself; most other men

would have suffered them to display themselves in all their

rapacity, and would have striven to rise, by contrast, in my

estimation. You felt for me, and drew them off, for which I owe you

many thanks. Although I left the place, I know what passed behind

my back, you see!'

 

'You amaze me, sir!' cried Mr Pecksniff; which was true enough.

 

'My knowledge of your proceedings,' said the old man, does not stop

at this. You have a new inmate in your house.'

 

'Yes, sir,' rejoined the architect, 'I have.'

 

'He must quit it' said Martin.

 

'For--for yours?' asked Mr Pecksniff, with a quavering mildness.

 

'For any shelter he can find,' the old man answered. 'He has

deceived you.'

 

'I hope not' said Mr Pecksniff, eagerly. 'I trust not. I have been

extremely well disposed towards that young man. I hope it cannot be

shown that he has forfeited all claim to my protection. Deceit--

deceit, my dear Mr Chuzzlewit, would be final. I should hold myself

bound, on proof of deceit, to renounce him instantly.'

 

The old man glanced at both his fair supporters, but especially at

Miss Mercy, whom, indeed, he looked full in the face, with a greater

demonstration of interest than had yet appeared in his features.

His gaze again encountered Mr Pecksniff, as he said, composedly:

 

'Of course you know that he has made his matrimonial choice?'

 

'Oh dear!' cried Mr Pecksniff, rubbing his hair up very stiff upon

his head, and staring wildly at his daughters. 'This is becoming

tremendous!'

 

'You know the fact?' repeated Martin

 

'Surely not without his grandfather's consent and approbation my

dear sir!' cried Mr Pecksniff. 'Don't tell me that. For the honour

of human nature, say you're not about to tell me that!'

 

'I thought he had suppressed it,' said the old man.

 

The indignation felt by Mr Pecksniff at this terrible disclosure,

was only to be equalled by the kindling anger of his daughters.

What! Had they taken to their hearth and home a secretly contracted

serpent; a crocodile, who had made a furtive offer of his hand; an

imposition on society; a bankrupt bachelor with no effects, trading

with the spinster world on false pretences! And oh, to think that he

should have disobeyed and practised on that sweet, that venerable

gentleman, whose name he bore; that kind and tender guardian; his

more than father--to say nothing at all of mother--horrible,

horrible! To turn him out with ignominy would be treatment much too

good. Was there nothing else that could be done to him? Had he

incurred no legal pains and penalties? Could it be that the

statutes of the land were so remiss as to have affixed no punishment

to such delinquency? Monster; how basely had they been deceived!

 

'I am glad to find you second me so warmly,' said the old man

holding up his hand to stay the torrent of their wrath. 'I will not

deny that it is a pleasure to me to find you so full of zeal. We

will consider that topic as disposed of.'

 

'No, my dear sir,' cried Mr Pecksniff, 'not as disposed of, until I

have purged my house of this pollution.'

 

'That will follow,' said the old man, 'in its own time. I look upon

that as done.'

 

'You are very good, sir,' answered Mr Pecksniff, shaking his hand.

'You do me honour. You MAY look upon it as done, I assure you.'

 

'There is another topic,' said Martin, 'on which I hope you will

assist me. You remember Mary, cousin?'

 

'The young lady that I mentioned to you, my dears, as having

interested me so very much,' remarked Mr Pecksniff. 'Excuse my

interrupting you, sir.'

 

'I told you her history?' said the old man.

 

'Which I also mentioned, you will recollect, my dears,' cried Mr

Pecksniff. 'Silly girls, Mr Chuzzlewit--quite moved by it, they

were!"

 

'Why, look now!' said Martin, evidently pleased; 'I feared I should

have had to urge her case upon you, and ask you to regard her

favourably for my sake. But I find you have no jealousies! Well!

You have no cause for any, to be sure. She has nothing to gain from

me, my dears, and she knows it.'

 

The two Miss Pecksniffs murmured their approval of this wise

arrangement, and their cordial sympathy with its interesting object.

 

'If I could have anticipated what has come to pass between us four,'

said the old man thoughfully; 'but it is too late to think of that.

You would receive her courteously, young ladies, and be kind to her,

if need were?'

 

Where was the orphan whom the two Miss Pecksniffs would not have

cherished in their sisterly bosom! But when that orphan was

commended to their care by one on whom the dammed-up love of years

was gushing forth, what exhaustless stores of pure affection yearned

to expend themselves upon her!

 

An interval ensued, during which Mr Chuzzlewit, in an absent frame

of mind, sat gazing at the ground, without uttering a word; and as

it was plain that he had no desire to be interrupted in his

meditations, Mr Pecksniff and his daughters were profoundly silent

also. During the whole of the foregoing dialogue, he had borne his

part with a cold, passionless promptitude, as though he had learned

and painfully rehearsed it all a hundred times. Even when his

expressions were warmest and his language most encouraging, he had

retained the same manner, without the least abatement. But now

there was a keener brightness in his eye, and more expression in his

voice, as he said, awakening from his thoughtful mood:

 

'You know what will be said of this? Have you reflected?'

 

'Said of what, my dear sir?' Mr Pecksniff asked.

 

'Of this new understanding between us.'

 

Mr Pecksniff looked benevolently sagacious, and at the same time far

above all earthly misconstruction, as he shook his head, and

observed that a great many things would be said of it, no doubt.

 

'A great many,' rejoined the old man. 'Some will say that I dote in

my old age; that illness has shaken me; that I have lost all

strength of mind, and have grown childish. You can bear that?'

 

Mr Pecksniff answered that it would be dreadfully hard to bear, but

he thought he could, if he made a great effort.

 

'Others will say--I speak of disappointed, angry people only--that

you have lied and fawned, and wormed yourself through dirty ways

into my favour; by such concessions and such crooked deeds, such

meannesses and vile endurances, as nothing could repay; no, not the

legacy of half the world we live in. You can bear that?'

 

Mr Pecksniff made reply that this would be also very hard to bear,

as reflecting, in some degree, on the discernment of Mr Chuzzlewit.

Still he had a modest confidence that he could sustain the calumny,

with the help of a good conscience, and that gentleman's friendship.

 

'With the great mass of slanderers,' said old Martin, leaning back

in his chair, 'the tale, as I clearly foresee, will run thus: That

to mark my contempt for the rabble whom I despised, I chose from

among them the very worst, and made him do my will, and pampered and

enriched him at the cost of all the rest. That, after casting about

for the means of a punishment which should rankle in the bosoms of

these kites the most, and strike into their gall, I devised this

scheme at a time when the last link in the chain of grateful love

and duty, that held me to my race, was roughly snapped asunder;

roughly, for I loved him well; roughly, for I had ever put my trust

in his affection; roughly, for that he broke it when I loved him

most--God help me!--and he without a pang could throw me off, while I

clung about his heart! Now,' said the old man, dismissing this

passionate outburst as suddenly as he had yielded to it, 'is your

mind made up to bear this likewise? Lay your account with having it

to bear, and put no trust in being set right by me.'

 

'My dear Mr Chuzzlewit,' cried Pecksniff in an ecstasy, 'for such a

man as you have shown yourself to be this day; for a man so injured,

yet so very humane; for a man so--I am at a loss what precise term

to use--yet at the same time so remarkably--I don't know how to

express my meaning; for such a man as I have described, I hope it is

no presumption to say that I, and I am sure I may add my children

also (my dears, we perfectly agree in this, I think?), would bear

anything whatever!'

 

'Enough,' said Martin. 'You can charge no consequences on me. When

do you retire home?'

 

'Whenever you please, my dear sir. To-night if you desire it.'

 

'I desire nothing,' returned the old man, 'that is unreasonable.

Such a request would be. Will you be ready to return at the end of

this week?'

 

The very time of all others that Mr Pecksniff would have suggested

if it had been left to him to make his own choice. As to his

daughters--the words, 'Let us be at home on Saturday, dear pa,' were

actually upon their lips.

 

'Your expenses, cousin,' said Martin, taking a folded slip of paper

from his pocketbook, 'may possibly exceed that amount. If so, let

me know the balance that I owe you, when we next meet. It would be

useless if I told you where I live just now; indeed, I have no fixed

abode. When I have, you shall know it. You and your daughters may

expect to see me before long; in the meantime I need not tell you

that we keep our own confidence. What you will do when you get home

is understood between us. Give me no account of it at any time; and

never refer to it in any way. I ask that as a favour. I am

commonly a man of few words, cousin; and all that need be said just

now is said, I think.'

 

'One glass of wine--one morsel of this homely cake?' cried Mr

Pecksniff, venturing to detain him. 'My dears--!'

 

The sisters flew to wait upon him.

 

'Poor girls!' said Mr Pecksniff. 'You will excuse their agitation,

my dear sir. They are made up of feeling. A bad commodity to go

through the world with, Mr Chuzzlewit! My youngest daughter is

almost as much of a woman as my eldest, is she not, sir?'

 

'Which IS the youngest?' asked the old man.

 

'Mercy, by five years,' said Mr Pecksniff. 'We sometimes venture to

consider her rather a fine figure, sir. Speaking as an artist, I

may perhaps be permitted to suggest that its outline is graceful and

correct. I am naturally,' said Mr Pecksniff, drying his hands upon

his handkerchief, and looking anxiously in his cousin's face at

almost every word, 'proud, if I may use the expression, to have a

daughter who is constructed on the best models.'

 

'She seems to have a lively disposition,' observed Martin.

 

'Dear me!' said Mr Pecksniff. 'That is quite remarkable. You have

defined her character, my dear sir, as correctly as if you had known

her from her birth. She HAS a lively disposition. I assure you, my

dear sir, that in our unpretending home her gaiety is delightful.'

 

'No doubt,' returned the old man.

 

'Charity, upon the other hand,' said Mr Pecksniff, 'is remarkable

for strong sense, and for rather a deep tone of sentiment, if the

partiality of a father may be excused in saying so. A wonderful

affection between them, my dear sir! Allow me to drink your health.

Bless you!'

 

'I little thought,' retorted Martin, 'but a month ago, that I should

be breaking bread and pouring wine with you. I drink to you.'

 

Not at all abashed by the extraordinary abruptness with which these

latter words were spoken, Mr Pecksniff thanked him devoutly.

 

'Now let me go,' said Martin, putting down the wine when he had

merely touched it with his lips. 'My dears, good morning!'

 

But this distant form of farewell was by no means tender enough for

the yearnings of the young ladies, who again embraced him with all

their hearts--with all their arms at any rate--to which parting

caresses their new-found friend submitted with a better grace than

might have been expected from one who, not a moment before, had

pledged their parent in such a very uncomfortable manner. These

endearments terminated, he took a hasty leave of Mr Pecksniff and

withdrew, followed to the door by both father and daughters, who

stood there kissing their hands and beaming with affection until he

disappeared; though, by the way, he never once looked back, after he

had crossed the threshold.

 

When they returned into the house, and were again alone in Mrs

Todgers's room, the two young ladies exhibited an unusual amount of

gaiety; insomuch that they clapped their hands, and laughed, and

looked with roguish aspects and a bantering air upon their dear

papa. This conduct was so very unaccountable, that Mr Pecksniff

(being singularly grave himself) could scarcely choose but ask them

what it meant; and took them to task, in his gentle manner, for

yielding to such light emotions.

 

'If it was possible to divine any cause for this merriment, even the

most remote,' he said, 'I should not reprove you. But when you can

have none whatever--oh, really, really!'

 

This admonition had so little effect on Mercy, that she was obliged

to hold her handkerchief before her rosy lips, and to throw herself

back in her chair, with every demonstration of extreme amusement;

which want of duty so offended Mr Pecksniff that he reproved her in

set terms, and gave her his parental advice to correct herself in

solitude and contemplation. But at that juncture they were

disturbed by the sound of voices in dispute; and as it proceeded

from the next room, the subject matter of the altercation quickly

reached their ears.

 

'I don't care that! Mrs Todgers,' said the young gentleman who had

been the youngest gentleman in company on the day of the festival;

'I don't care THAT, ma'am,' said he, snapping his fingers, 'for

Jinkins. Don't suppose I do.'

 

'I am quite certain you don't, sir,' replied Mrs Todgers. 'You have

too independent a spirit, I know, to yield to anybody. And quite

right. There is no reason why you should give way to any gentleman.

Everybody must be well aware of that.'

 

'I should think no more of admitting daylight into the fellow,' said

the youngest gentleman, in a desperate voice, 'than if he was a

bulldog.'

 

Mrs Todgers did not stop to inquire whether, as a matter of

principle, there was any particular reason for admitting daylight

even into a bulldog, otherwise than by the natural channel of his

eyes, but she seemed to wring her hands, and she moaned.

 

'Let him be careful,' said the youngest gentleman. 'I give him

warning. No man shall step between me and the current of my

vengeance. I know a Cove--' he used that familiar epithet in his

agitation but corrected himself by adding, 'a gentleman of property,

I mean--who practices with a pair of pistols (fellows too) of his

own. If I am driven to borrow 'em, and to send at friend to Jinkins,

a tragedy will get into the papers. That's all.'

 

Again Mrs Todgers moaned.

 

'I have borne this long enough,' said the youngest gentleman but now

my soul rebels against it, and I won't stand it any longer. I left

home originally, because I had that within me which wouldn't be

domineered over by a sister; and do you think I'm going to be put

down by HIM? No.'

 

'It is very wrong in Mr Jinkins; I know it is perfectly inexcusable

in Mr Jinkins, if he intends it,' observed Mrs Todgers

 

'If he intends it!' cried the youngest gentleman. 'Don't he

interrupt and contradict me on every occasion? Does he ever fail to

interpose himself between me and anything or anybody that he sees I

have set my mind upon? Does he make a point of always pretending to

forget me, when he's pouring out the beer? Does he make bragging

remarks about his razors, and insulting allusions to people who have

no necessity to shave more than once a week? But let him look out!

He'll find himself shaved, pretty close, before long, and so I tell

him.'

 

The young gentleman was mistaken in this closing sentence, inasmuch

as he never told it to Jinkins, but always to Mrs Todgers.

 

'However,' he said, 'these are not proper subjects for ladies' ears.

All I've got to say to you, Mrs Todgers, is, a week's notice from

next Saturday. The same house can't contain that miscreant and me

any longer. If we get over the intermediate time without bloodshed,

you may think yourself pretty fortunate. I don't myself expect we

shall.'

 

'Dear, dear!' cried Mrs Todgers, 'what would I have given to have

prevented this? To lose you, sir, would be like losing the house's

right-hand. So popular as you are among the gentlemen; so generally

looked up to; and so much liked! I do hope you'll think better of

it; if on nobody else's account, on mine.'

 

'There's Jinkins,' said the youngest gentleman, moodily. 'Your

favourite. He'll console you, and the gentlemen too, for the loss

of twenty such as me. I'm not understood in this house. I never

have been.'

 

'Don't run away with that opinion, sir!' cried Mrs Todgers, with a

show of honest indignation. 'Don't make such a charge as that

against the establishment, I must beg of you. It is not so bad as

that comes to, sir. Make any remark you please against the

gentlemen, or against me; but don't say you're not understood in

this house.'

 

'I'm not treated as if I was,' said the youngest gentleman.

 

'There you make a great mistake, sir,' returned Mrs Todgers, in the

same strain. 'As many of the gentlemen and I have often said, you

are too sensitive. That's where it is. You are of too susceptible

a nature; it's in your spirit.'

 

The young gentleman coughed.

 

'And as,' said Mrs Todgers, 'as to Mr Jinkins, I must beg of you, if

we ARE to part, to understand that I don't abet Mr Jinkins by any

means. Far from it. I could wish that Mr Jinkins would take a

lower tone in this establishment, and would not be the means of

raising differences between me and gentlemen that I can much less

bear to part with than I could with Mr Jinkins. Mr Jinkins is not

such a boarder, sir,' added Mrs Todgers, 'that all considerations of

private feeling and respect give way before him. Quite the

contrary, I assure you.'

 

The young gentleman was so much mollified by these and similar

speeches on the part of Mrs Todgers, that he and that lady gradually

changed positions; so that she became the injured party, and he was

understood to be the injurer; but in a complimentary, not in an

offensive sense; his cruel conduct being attributable to his exalted

nature, and to that alone. So, in the end, the young gentleman

withdrew his notice, and assured Mrs Todgers of his unalterable

regard; and having done so, went back to business.

 

'Goodness me, Miss Pecksniffs!' cried that lady, as she came into

the back room, and sat wearily down, with her basket on her knees,

and her hands folded upon it, 'what a trial of temper it is to keep

a house like this! You must have heard most of what has just passed.

Now did you ever hear the like?'

 

'Never!' said the two Miss Pecksniffs.

 

'Of all the ridiculous young fellows that ever I had to deal with,'

resumed Mrs Todgers, 'that is the most ridiculous and unreasonable.

Mr Jinkins is hard upon him sometimes, but not half as hard as he

deserves. To mention such a gentleman as Mr Jinkins in the same

breath with HIM--you know it's too much! And yet he's as jealous

of him, bless you, as if he was his equal.'

 

The young ladies were greatly entertained by Mrs Todgers's account,

no less than with certain anecdotes illustrative of the youngest

gentleman's character, which she went on to tell them. But Mr

Pecksniff looked quite stern and angry; and when she had concluded,

said in a solemn voice:

 

'Pray, Mrs Todgers, if I may inquire, what does that young gentleman

contribute towards the support of these premises?'

 

'Why, sir, for what HE has, he pays about eighteen shillings a

week!' said Mrs Todgers.

 

'Eighteen shillings a week!' repeated Mr Pecksniff.

 

'Taking one week with another; as near that as possible,' said Mrs

Todgers.

 

Mr Pecksniff rose from his chair, folded his arms, looked at her,

and shook his head.

 

'And do you mean to say, ma'am--is it possible, Mrs Todgers--that

for such a miserable consideration as eighteen shillings a week, a

female of your understanding can so far demean herself as to wear a

double face, even for an instant?'

 

'I am forced to keep things on the square if I can, sir,' faltered

Mrs Todgers. 'I must preserve peace among them, and keep my

connection together, if possible, Mr Pecksniff. The profit is very

small.'

 

'The profit!' cried that gentleman, laying great stress upon the

word. 'The profit, Mrs Todgers! You amaze me!'

 

He was so severe, that Mrs Todgers shed tears.

 

'The profit!' repeated Mr pecksniff. 'The profit of dissimulation!

To worship the golden calf of Baal, for eighteen shillings a week!'

 

'Don't in your own goodness be too hard upon me, Mr Pecksniff,'

cried Mrs Todgers, taking out her handkerchief.

 

'Oh Calf, Calf!' cried Mr Pecksniff mournfully. 'Oh, Baal, Baal! oh

my friend, Mrs Todgers! To barter away that precious jewel, self-

esteem, and cringe to any mortal creature--for eighteen shillings a

week!'

 

He was so subdued and overcome by the reflection, that he

immediately took down his hat from its peg in the passage, and went

out for a walk, to compose his feelings. Anybody passing him in the

street might have known him for a good man at first sight; for his

whole figure teemed with a consciousness of the moral homily he had

read to Mrs Todgers.

 

Eighteen shillings a week! Just, most just, thy censure, upright

Pecksniff! Had it been for the sake of a ribbon, star, or garter;

sleeves of lawn, a great man's smile, a seat in parliament, a tap

upon the shoulder from a courtly sword; a place, a party, or a

thriving lie, or eighteen thousand pounds, or even eighteen

hundred;--but to worship the golden calf for eighteen shillings a

week! oh pitiful, pitiful! _

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