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The Manxman: A Novel, a novel by Hall Caine |
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Part 6. Man And God - Chapter 14 |
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_ PART VI. MAN AND GOD CHAPTER XIV When Philip was fit to go out, they brought up a carriage and drove him round the bay. The town had awakened from its winter sleep, and the harbour was a busy and cheerful scene. More than a hundred men had come from their crofts in the country, and were making their boats ready for the mackerel-fishing at Kinsale. There was a forest of masts where the flat hulls had been, the taffrails and companions were touched up with paint, and the newly-barked nets were being hauled over the quay. "Good morning, Dempster," cried the men. They all saluted him, and some of them, after their Manx fashion, drew up at the carriage-door, lifted their caps with their tarry hands, and said-- "Taking joy to see you out again, Dempster. When a man's getting over an attack like that, it's middling clear the Lord's got work for him." Philip answered with smiles and bows and cheerful words, but the kindness oppressed him. He was thinking of Kate. She was the victim of his success. For all that he received she had paid the penalty. He thought of her dreams, her golden dreams, her dreams of going up side by side and hand in hand with the man she loved. "Oh, my love, my love!" he murmured. "Only a little longer." The doctor was waiting for him when he reached home. "I have something to say to you, Deemster," he said, with averted face. "It's about your aunt." "Is she ill?" said Philip.--"Very ill." "But I've inquired daily." "By her express desire the truth has been kept back from you." "The carriage is still at the door----" began Philip. "I've never seen any one sink so rapidly. She's all nerve. No doubt the nursing exhausted her." "It's not that--I'll go up immediately." "She was to expect you at five." "I cannot wait," said Philip, and in a moment he was on the road. "O God!" he thought, "how steep is the path I have to tread." On getting to Ballure, he pushed through the hall and stepped upstairs. At the door of Auntie Nan's bedroom he was met by Martha, the housemaid, now the nurse. She looked surprised, and made some nervous show of shutting him out. Before she could dc so he was already in the room. The air was heavy with the smell of medicines and vinegar and the odours of sick life. "Hush!" said Martha, with a movement of lips and eyebrows. Auntie Nan was asleep in a half-sitting position on the bed. It was a shock to see the change in her. The beautiful old face was white and drawn with pain; the chin was hanging heavily; the eyes were half open; there was no cap on her head; her hair was straggling loosely and was dull as tow. "She must be very ill," said Philip under his breath. "Very," said Martha. "She wasn't expecting you until five, sir." "Has the doctor told her? Does she know?" "Yes, sir; but she doesn't mind that. She knows she's dying, and is quite resigned--quite--and quite cheerful--but she fears if you knew--hush!" There was a movement on the bed. "She'll be shocked if she--and she's not ready to receive--in here, sir," whispered Martha, and she motioned to the back of a screen that stood between the door and the bed. There was a deep sigh, a sound as of the moistening of dry lips, and then the voice of Auntie Nan--not her own familiar voice, but a sort of vanishing echo of it. "What is the time, Martha?" "Twenty minutes wanting five, ma'am." "So late! It wasn't nice of you to let me sleep so long, Martha. I'm expecting the Governor at five. What a mercy he hasn't come earlier. It wouldn't be right to keep him waiting, and then--bring me the sponge, girl. Moisten it first. Now the towel. The comb next. That's better. How lifeless my hair is, though. Oil, you say? I wonder! I've never used it in my life: but at a time like this--well, just a little, then--there, that will do. Bring me a cap--the one with the pink bow in it. My face is so pale--it will give me a little colour. That will do. You couldn't tell I had been ill, could you? Not very ill, anyway? Now side everything away. The medicines too--put them in the cupboard. So many bottles. 'How ill she must have been!' he would say. And now open the drawer on the left, Martha, the one with the key in it, and bring me the paper on the top. Yes, the white paper. The folded one with the endorsement. Endorsement means writing on the back, Martha. Ah! I've lived all my life among lawyers. Lay it on the counterpane. The keys? Lay them beside it. No, put them behind my pillow, just at my back. Yes, there--lower, though, deeper still--that's right. Now set a chair, so that he can sit beside me. This side of the bed--no, this side. Then the light will be on him, and I will be able to see his face--my eyes are not so good as they were, you know. A little farther back--not quite so much, neither--that will do. Ah!" There was a long breath of satisfaction, and then Auntie Nan said-- "I suppose it's----what time is it now, Martha?" "Ten minutes wanting five, ma'am." "Did you tell Jane about the cutlets? He likes them with bread-crumbs, you know. I hope she won't forget to say 'Your Excellency.' I shall hear his voice the moment he comes into the hall. My ears are no worse, if my eyes are. Perhaps he won't speak, though, 'She's been so ill,' he'll think. Martha, I think you had better open the door. Jane is so forgetful. She might say things, too. If he asks, 'How is she to-day, Martha'' you must answer quite brightly, 'Better to-day, your Excellency.'" There was an exclamation of pain. "Oh! Ugh--Oo! Oh, blessed Lord Jesus!" "Are you sure you are well enough, ma'am? Hadn't I better tell him----" "No, I'll be worse to-morrow, and the next day worse still. Give me a dose of medicine, Martha--the morning medicine--the one that makes me cheerful. Thank you, Martha. If I feel the pain when he is here, I'll bear it as long as I can, and then I'll say, 'I'm finding myself drowsy, Philip; you had better go and lie down.' Will you understand that, Martha?" "Yes, ma'am," said Martha. "I'm afraid we must be a little deceitful, Martha. But we can't help that, can we? You see he has to be installed yet, and that is always a great excitement. If he thought I was very ill, now--_very_, very ill, you know--yes, I really think he would wish to postpone it, and I wouldn't have that for worlds and worlds. He has always been so fond of his old auntie. Well, it's the way with these boys. I daresay people wonder why he has never married, being so great and so prosperous. That was for my sake. He knew I should----" Philip was breathing heavily. Auntie Nan listened. "I'm sure there's somebody in the hall, Martha. Is it----? Yes, it's----; Go down to him quick----" "Yes, ma'am," said Martha, making a noise with the screen to cover Philip's escape on tiptoe. Then she came to him on the landing, wiping her eyes with her apron, and pretended to lead Philip back to the room. "My boy! my boy!" cried Auntie Nan, and she folded him in her arms. The transformation was wonderful. She had a look of youth now, almost a look of gaiety. "I've heard the great, great news," she whispered, taking his hand. "That's only a rumour, Auntie," said Philip. "Are you better?" "Oh, but it will come true. Yes, yes, I'm better. I'm sure it will come true. And, dear heart, what a triumph! I dreamt it all the night before I heard of it. You were on the top of the Tynwald, and there was a great crowd. But come and sit down and tell me everything. So you are better yourself? Quite strong again, dear? Oh, yes, any where, Philip-sit anywhere. Here, this chair will do--this one by my side. Ah! How well you look!" She was carried away by her own gaiety. Leaning back on the pillow, but still keeping his hand in hers, she said, "Do you know, Philip Christian, who is the happiest person in the world? I'm sure you don't, for all you're so clever. So I'll tell you. Perhaps you think it's a beautiful young wife just married to a husband who worships her. Well, you're quite, quite wrong, sir. It's an old, old lady, very, very old, and very feeble, just tottering on, and not expecting to live a great while longer, but with her sons about her, grown up, and big, and strong, and having all the world before them. That's the happiest person on earth. And I'm the next thing to it, for my boy--my own boy's boy---" She broke off, and then, with a far-off look, she said, "I wonder will he think I've done my duty!" "Who?" asked Philip. "Your father," she answered. Then she turned to the maid and said, quite gaily, "You needn't wait, Martha. His Excellency will call you when I want my medicine. Won't you, your Excellency?" Philip could not find it in his heart to correct her again. The girl left the room. Auntie Nan glanced at the closing door, then reached over to Philip with an air of great mystery, and whispered-- "You mustn't be shocked, Philip, or surprised, or fancy I'm very ill, or that I'm going to die; but what do you think I've done?" "Nay, what?" "I've made my will! Is that very terrible?" "You've done right, Auntie," said Philip. "Yes, the High Bailiff has been up and everything is in order, every little thing. See," and she lifted the paper that the maid had laid on the counterpane. "Let me tell you." She nodded her head as she ran over the items. "Some little legacies first, you know. There's Martha, such a good girl--I've left her my silk dresses. Then old Mary, the housemaid at Ballawhaine. Poor old thing! she's been down with rheumatism three years, and flock beds get so lumpy--I've left her my feather one. I thought at first I should like you to have my little income. Do you know, your old auntie is quite an old miser. I've grown so fond of my little money. And it seemed so sweet to think--but then you don't want it now, Philip. It would be nothing to you, would it? I've been thinking, though--now, what do you think I've been thinking of doing with my little fortune?" Philip stroked the wrinkled fingers with his other hand. "What's right, I'm sure, Auntie. What is it?" "You would never guess."--"No?" "I've been thinking," with sudden gravity. "Philip, there's nobody in the world so unhappy as a poor gentlewoman who has slipped and fallen. Then this one's father, he has turned his back on her, they're telling me, and of course she can't expect anything from her husband. I've been thinking, now----" "Yes?" said Philip, with his eyes down. "To tell you the truth, I've been thinking it would be so nice----" And then, nervously, faltering, in a quavering voice, with many excuses, out came the great secret, the mighty strategy. Auntie Nan had willed her fortune to Kate. "You're an angel, Auntie," said Philip in a thick voice. But he saw through her artifice. She was talking of Kate, but she was thinking of himself. She was trying to relieve him of an embarrassment; to remove an impediment that lay in his path; to liberate his conscience; to cover up his fault; to conceal everything. "And then this house, dear," said Auntie Nan. "It's yours, but you'll never want it. It's been a dear little harbour of refuge, but the storm is over now. Would you--do you see any objection--perhaps you might--could you not let the poor soul come and live here with her little one, after I--when all is over, I mean--and she is--eh?" Philip could not speak. He took the wrinkled hand and drew it up to his lips. The old soul was beside herself with joy. "Then you're sure I've done right? Quite sure? Lock it up in the drawer again, dearest The top one on the left. Oh, the keys? Dear me, yes; where are the keys? How tiresome! I remember now. They're at the back of my pillow. Will you call Martha? Or perhaps you would yourself--will you?" (very artfully)--"you don't mind then? Yes, that's it; more this way, though, a little more--ah! My boy! my boy!" The old dove's second strategy had succeeded also. In fumbling behind her pillow for the keys, Philip had to put his arms about her again, and she was kissing him on the forehead and on the cheeks. Then came a spasm of pain. It dragged at her features, but her smile struggled through it. She fetched a difficult breath, and said-- "And now--dear--I'm finding myself--a little drowsy--how selfish of me--your cutlets--browned--nicely browned--breadcrumbs, you know----" Philip fled from the room and summoned Martha. He wandered aimlessly about the house for hours that night. At one moment he found himself in the blue room, Auntie Nan's workroom, so full of her familiar things--the spinning-wheel, the frame of the sampler, the old-fashioned piano, the scent of lavender--all the little evidences of her presence, so dainty, so orderly, so sweet A lamp was burning for the convenience of the doctor, but there was no fire. The doctor came again towards ten o'clock. There was nothing to be done; nothing to be hoped; still she might live until morning, if---- At midnight Philip crept noiselessly to the bedroom. The condition was unaltered. He was going to lie down, but wished to be awakened if there was any change. It was long before he dropped off, and he seemed to have slept only a moment when there was a knocking at his door. He heard it while he was still sleeping. The dawn had broken, the streamers of the sun were rising out of the sea. A sparrow in the garden was hacking the air with its monotonous chirp. Auntie Nan was far spent, yet the dragging expression of pain was gone, and a serenity almost angelic overspread her face. When she recognised Philip she felt for his hand, guided it to her heart, and kept it there. Only a few words did she speak, for her breath was short. She commended her soul to God. Then, with a look of pallid sunshine, she beckoned to Philip. He stooped his ear to her lips, and she whispered, "Hush, dearest! Never tell any one, for nobody ever knew--ever dreamt--but I loved your father--and--_God gave him to me in you._" The dear old dove had delivered herself of her last great secret. Philip put his lips to her cheek, iced already over the damps and chills of death. Then the eyes closed, the sweet old head slid back, the lips changed their colour, but still lay open as with a smile. Thus died Auntie Nan, peacefully, hopefully, trustfully, almost joyfully, in the fulness of her love and of her pride. "O God," thought Philip, "let me go on with my task. Give me strength to withstand the temptation of love like this." Her love had tempted him all his life His father had been twenty years dead, but she had kept his spirit alive--his aims, his ambitions, his fears, and the lessons of his life. There lay the beginnings of his ruin, his degradation, and the first cause of his deep duplicity. He had recovered everything that had been lost; he had gained all that his little world could give; and what was the worth of it? What was the price he had paid for it? "What shall it profit a man if he gain the whole world and lose his own soul?" Philip put his lips to the cold forehead. "Sweet soul, forgive me! God strengthen me! Let me not fail at this last moment." _ |
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