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There are Crimes and Crimes: A Comedy, a play by August Strindberg

Act 1 - Scene 2. The Cremerie

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_ ACT I - SECOND SCENE. THE CREMERIE


(The Cremerie. On the right stands a buffet, on which are placed an aquarium with goldfish and dishes containing vegetables, fruit, preserves, etc. In the background is a door leading to the kitchen, where workmen are taking their meals. At the other end of the kitchen can be seen a door leading out to a garden. On the left, in the background, stands a counter on a raised platform, and back of it are shelves containing all sorts of bottles. On the right, a long table with a marble top is placed along the wall, and another table is placed parallel to the first further out on the floor. Straw-bottomed chairs stand around the tables. The walls are covered with oil-paintings.)

(MME. CATHERINE is sitting at the counter.)

(MAURICE stands leaning against it. He has his hat on and is smoking a cigarette.)

MME. CATHERINE.
So it's tonight the great event comes off, Monsieur Maurice?

MAURICE.
Yes, tonight.

MME. CATHERINE.
Do you feel upset?

MAURICE. Cool as a cucumber.

MME. CATHERINE.
Well, I wish you luck anyhow, and you have deserved it, Monsieur Maurice, after having had to fight against such difficulties as yours.

MAURICE.
Thank you, Madame Catherine. You have been very kind to me, and without your help I should probably have been down and out by this time.

MME. CATHERINE.
Don't let us talk of that now. I help along where I see hard work and the right kind of will, but I don't want to be exploited--Can we trust you to come back here after the play and let us drink a glass with you?

MAURICE.
Yes, you can--of course, you can, as I have already promised you.

(HENRIETTE enters from the right.)

(MAURICE turns around, raises his hat, and stares at HENRIETTE, who looks him over carefully.)

HENRIETTE.
Monsieur Adolphe is not here yet?

MME. CATHERINE.
No, madame. But he'll soon be here now. Won't you sit down?

HENRIETTE.
No, thank you, I'll rather wait for him outside. [Goes out.]

MAURICE.
Who--was--that?

MME. CATHERINE.
Why, that's Monsieur Adolphe's friend.

MAURICE.
Was--that--her?

MME. CATHERINE.
Have you never seen her before?

MAURICE.
No, he has been hiding her from me, just as if he was afraid I might take her away from him.

MME. CATHERINE.
Ha-ha!--Well, how did you think she looked?

MAURICE.
How she looked? Let me see: I can't tell--I didn't see her, for it was as if she had rushed straight into my arms at once and come so close to me that I couldn't make out her features at all. And she left her impression on the air behind her. I can still see her standing there.

[He goes toward the door and makes a gesture as if putting his arm around somebody]
Whew!

[He makes a gesture as if he had pricked his finger]
There are pins in her waist. She is of the kind that stings!

MME. CATHERINE.
Oh, you are crazy, you with your ladies!

MAURICE.
Yes, it's craziness, that's what it is. But do you know, Madame Catherine, I am going before she comes back, or else, or else--Oh, that woman is horrible!

MME. CATHERINE.
Are you afraid?

MAURICE.
Yes, I am afraid for myself, and also for some others.

MME. CATHERINE.
Well, go then.

MAURICE.
She seemed to suck herself out through the door, and in her wake rose a little whirlwind that dragged me along--Yes, you may laugh, but can't you see that the palm over there on the buffet is still shaking? She's the very devil of a woman!

MME. CATHERINE.
Oh, get out of here, man, before you lose all your reason.

MAURICE.
I want to go, but I cannot--Do you believe in fate, Madame Catherine?

MME. CATHERINE.
No, I believe in a good God, who protects us against evil powers if we ask Him in the right way.

MAURICE.
So there are evil powers after all! I think I can hear them in the hallway now.

MME. CATHERINE.
Yes, her clothes rustle as when the clerk tears off a piece of linen for you. Get away now--through the kitchen.

(MAURICE rushes toward the kitchen door, where he bumps into EMILE.)

EMILE.
I beg your pardon.

[He retires the way he came.]

ADOLPHE.
[Comes in first; after him HENRIETTE]

Why, there's Maurice. How are you? Let me introduce this lady here to my oldest and best friend. Mademoiselle Henriette--Monsieur Maurice.

MAURICE.
[Saluting stiffly]

Pleased to meet you.

HENRIETTA.
We have seen each other before.

ADOLPHE.
Is that so? When, if I may ask?

MAURICE.
A moment ago. Right here.

ADOLPHE.
O-oh!--But now you must stay and have a chat with us.

MAURICE.
[After a glance at MME. CATHERINE]

If I only had time.

ADOLPHE.
Take the time. And we won't be sitting here very long.

HENRIETTE.
I won't interrupt, if you have to talk business.

MAURICE.
The only business we have is so bad that we don't want to talk of it.

HENRIETTE.
Then we'll talk of something else.

[Takes the hat away from MAURICE and hangs it up]
Now be nice, and let me become acquainted with the great author.

[MME. CATHERINE signals to MAURICE, who doesn't notice her.]

ADOLPHE.
That's right, Henriette, you take charge of him. [They seat themselves at one of the tables.]

HENRIETTE.
[To MAURICE]

You certainly have a good friend in Adolphe, Monsieur Maurice. He never talks of anything but you, and in such a way that I feel myself rather thrown in the background.

ADOLPHE.
You don't say so! Well, Henriette on her side never leaves me in peace about you, Maurice. She has read your works, and she is always wanting to know where you got this and where that. She has been questioning me about your looks, your age, your tastes. I have, in a word, had you for breakfast, dinner, and supper. It has almost seemed as if the three of us were living together.

MAURICE.
[To HENRIETTE]

Heavens, why didn't you come over here and have a look at this wonder of wonders? Then your curiosity could have been satisfied in a trice.

HENRIETTE.
Adolphe didn't want it.

(ADOLPHE looks embarrassed.)

HENRIETTE.
Not that he was jealous--

MAURICE.
And why should he be, when he knows that my feelings are tied up elsewhere?

HENRIETTE.
Perhaps he didn't trust the stability of your feelings.

MAURICE.
I can't understand that, seeing that I am notorious for my constancy.

ADOLPHE.
Well, it wasn't that--

HENRIETTE.
[Interrupting him]

Perhaps that is because you have not faced the fiery ordeal--

ADOLPHE.
Oh, you don't know--

HENRIETTE.
[Interrupting]

--for the world has not yet beheld a faithful man.

MAURICE. Then it's going to behold one.

HENRIETTE. Where?

MAURICE. Here.

(HENRIETTE laughs.)

ADOLPHE.
Well, that's going it--

HENRIETTE.
[Interrupting him and directing herself continuously to MAURICE]

Do you think I ever trust my dear Adolphe more than a month at a time?

MAURICE.
I have no right to question your lack of confidence, but I can guarantee that Adolphe is faithful.

HENRIETTE.
You don't need to do so--my tongue is just running away with me, and I have to take back a lot--not only for fear of feeling less generous than you, but because it is the truth. It is a bad habit I have of only seeing the ugly side of things, and I keep it up although I know better. But if I had a chance to be with you two for some time, then your company would make me good once more. Pardon me, Adolphe!

[She puts her hand against his cheek.]

ADOLPHE.
You are always wrong in your talk and right in your actions. What you really think--that I don't know.

HENRIETTE.
Who does know that kind of thing?

MAURICE.
Well, if we had to answer for our thoughts, who could then clear himself?

HENRIETTE.
Do you also have evil thoughts?

MAURICE.
Certainly; just as I commit the worst kind of cruelties in my dreams.

HENRIETTE.
Oh, when you are dreaming, of course--Just think of it- -No, I am ashamed of telling--

MAURICE.
Go on, go on!

HENRIETTE.
Last night I dreamt that I was coolly dissecting the muscles on Adolphe's breast--you see, I am a sculptor--and he, with his usual kindness, made no resistance, but helped me instead with the worst places, as he knows more anatomy than I.

MAURICE.
Was he dead?

HENRIETTE.
No, he was living.

MAURICE.
But that's horrible! And didn't it make YOU suffer?

HENRIETTE.
Not at all, and that astonished me most, for I am rather sensitive to other people's sufferings. Isn't that so, Adolphe?

ADOLPHE.
That's right. Rather abnormally so, in fact, and not the least when animals are concerned.

MAURICE.
And I, on the other hand, am rather callous toward the sufferings both of myself and others.

ADOLPHE.
Now he is not telling the truth about himself. Or what do you say, Madame Catherine?

MME. CATHERINE.
I don't know of anybody with a softer heart than Monsieur Maurice. He came near calling in the police because I didn't give the goldfish fresh water--those over there on the buffet. Just look at them: it is as if they could hear what I am saying.

MAURICE.
Yes, here we are making ourselves out as white as angels, and yet we are, taking it all in all, capable of any kind of polite atrocity the moment glory, gold, or women are concerned--So you are a sculptor, Mademoiselle Henriette?

HENRIETTE.
A bit of one. Enough to do a bust. And to do one of you--which has long been my cherished dream--I hold myself quite capable.

MAURICE.
Go ahead! That dream at least need not be long in coming true.

HENRIETTE.
But I don't want to fix your features in my mind until this evening's success is over. Not until then will you have become what you should be.

MAURICE.
How sure you are of victory!

HENRIETTE.
Yes, it is written on your face that you are going to win this battle, and I think you must feel that yourself.

MAURICE.
Why do you think so?

HENRIETTE.
Because I can feel it. This morning I was ill, you know, and now I am well.

(ADOLPHE begins to look depressed.)

MAURICE.
[Embarrassed]

Listen, I have a single ticket left--only one. I place it at your disposal, Adolphe.

ADOLPHE.
Thank you, but I surrender it to Henriette.

HENRIETTE.
But that wouldn't do?

ADOLPHE.
Why not? And I never go to the theatre anyhow, as I cannot stand the heat.

HENRIETTE.
But you will come and take us home at least after the show is over.

ADOLPHE.
If you insist on it. Otherwise Maurice has to come back here, where we shall all be waiting for him.

MAURICE.
You can just as well take the trouble of meeting us. In fact, I ask, I beg you to do so--And if you don't want to wait outside the theatre, you can meet us at the Auberge des Adrets-- That's settled then, isn't it?

ADOLPHE.
Wait a little. You have a way of settling things to suit yourself, before other people have a chance to consider them.

MAURICE.
What is there to consider--whether you are to see your lady home or not?

ADOLPHE.
You never know what may be involved in a simple act like that, but I have a sort of premonition.

HENRIETTE.
Hush, hush, hush! Don't talk of spooks while the sun is shining. Let him come or not, as it pleases him. We can always find our way back here.

ADOLPHE.
[Rising]

Well, now I have to leave you--model, you know. Good-bye, both of you. And good luck to you, Maurice. To-morrow you will be out on the right side. Good-bye, Henriette.

HENRIETTE.
Do you really have to go?

ADOLPHE.
I must.

MAURICE.
Good-bye then. We'll meet later.

(ADOLPHE goes out, saluting MME. CATHERINE in passing.)

HENRIETTE.
Think of it, that we should meet at last!

MAURICE.
Do you find anything remarkable in that?

HENRIETTE.
It looks as if it had to happen, for Adolphe has done his best to prevent it.

MAURICE.
Has he?

HENRIETTE.
Oh, you must have noticed it.

MAURICE.
I have noticed it, but why should you mention it?

HENRIETTE.
I had to.

MAURICE.
No, and I don't have to tell you that I wanted to run away through the kitchen in order to avoid meeting you and was stopped by a guest who closed the door in front of me.

HENRIETTE.
Why do you tell me about it now?

MAURICE.
I don't know.

(MME. CATHERINE upsets a number of glasses and bottles.)

MAURICE.
That's all right, Madame Catherine. There's nothing to be afraid of.

HENRIETTE.
Was that meant as a signal or a warning?

MAURICE.
Probably both.

HENRIETTE.
Do they take me for a locomotive that has to have flagmen ahead of it?

MAURICE.
And switchmen! The danger is always greatest at the switches.

HENRIETTE.
How nasty you can be!

MME. CATHERINE.
Monsieur Maurice isn't nasty at all. So far nobody has been kinder than he to those that love him and trust in him.

MAURICE.
Sh, sh, sh!

HENRIETTE.
[To MAURICE]

The old lady is rather impertinent.

MAURICE.
We can walk over to the boulevard, if you care to do so.

HENRIETTE.
With pleasure. This is not the place for me. I can just feel their hatred clawing at me. [Goes out.]

MAURICE.
[Starts after her]

Good-bye, Madame Catherine.

MME. CATHERINE.
A moment! May I speak a word to you, Monsieur Maurice?

MAURICE.
[Stops unwillingly]

What is it?

MME. CATHERINE.
Don't do it! Don't do it!

MAURICE.
What?

MME. CATHERINE.
Don't do it!

MAURICE.
Don't be scared. This lady is not my kind, but she interests me. Or hardly that even.

MME. CATHERINE.
Don't trust yourself!

MAURICE.
Yes, I do trust myself. Good-bye.

[Goes out.]

(Curtain.) _

Read next: Act 2 - Scene 1. The Auberge Des Adrets

Read previous: Act 1 - Scene 1. The Cemetery

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