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_ ACT III SCENE IV
OLIVIA'S garden
[Enter OLIVIA and MARIA.]
OLIVIA.
I have sent after him; he says he'll come.
How shall I feast him? what bestow of him?
For youth is bought more oft than begg'd or borrow'd.
I speak too loud.
Where's Malvolio? He is sad and civil,
And suits well for a servant with my fortunes.
Where is Malvolio?
MARIA.
He's coming, madam, but in very strange manner.
He is, sure, possess'd, madam.
OLIVIA.
Why, what's the matter? does he rave?
MARIA.
No, madam, he does nothing but smile. Your ladyship were best to
have some guard about you, if he come; for, sure, the man is
tainted in's wits.
OLIVIA.
Go call him hither.
[Exit MARIA.]
I am as mad as he,
If sad and merry madness equal be.
[Re-enter MARIA, with MALVOLIO.]
How now Malvolio!
MALVOLIO.
Sweet lady, ho, ho.
OLIVIA.
Smil'st thou?
I sent for thee upon a sad occasion.
MALVOLIO.
Sad, lady! I could be sad; this does make some obstruction in the
blood, this cross-gartering; but what of that? if it please the
eye of one, it is with me as the very true
sonnet is, 'Please one, and please all.'
OLIVIA.
Why, how dost thou, man? what is the matter with thee?
MALVOLIO.
Not black in my mind, though yellow in my legs. It did come to
his hands, and commands shall be executed; I think we do know the
sweet Roman hand.
OLIVIA.
Wilt thou go to bed, Malvolio?
MALVOLIO.
To bed! ay, sweet-heart, and I'll come to thee.
OLIVIA.
God comfort thee! Why dost thou smile so and kiss thy hand so
oft?
MARIA.
How do you, Malvolio?
MALVOLIO.
At your request! yes; nightingales answer daws.
MARIA.
Why appear you with this ridiculous boldness before my lady?
MALVOLIO.
'Be not afraid of greatness'; 'twas well writ.
OLIVIA.
What mean'st thou by that, Malvolio?
MALVOLIO.
'Some are born great,'--
OLIVIA.
Ha!
MALVOLIO.
'Some achieve greatness,'--
OLIVIA.
What say'st thou?
MALVOLIO.
'And some have greatness thrust upon them.'
OLIVIA.
Heaven restore thee!
MALVOLIO.
'Remember who commended thy yellow stockings,'--
OLIVIA.
Thy yellow stockings!
MALVOLIO.
'And wish'd to see thee cross-garter'd.'
OLIVIA.
Cross-garter'd!
MALVOLIO.
'Go to, thou art made, if thou desir'st to be so;'--
OLIVIA.
Am I made?
MALVOLIO.
'If not, let me see thee a servant still.'
OLIVIA.
Why, this is very midsummer madness.
[Enter SERVANT.]
SERVANT.
Madam, the young gentleman of the Count Orsino's is return'd: I
could hardly entreat him back: he attends your ladyship's
pleasure.
OLIVIA.
I'll come to him. [Exit SERVANT] Good Maria, let this fellow be
look'd to. Where's my cousin Toby? Let some of my people have a
special care of him; I would not have him miscarry for the half
of my dowry.
[Exeunt OLIVIA and MARIA.]
MALVOLIO.
O, ho! do you come near me now? no worse man than Sir Toby to
look to me! This concurs directly with the letter: she sends him
on purpose, that I may appear stubborn to him; for she incites me
to that in the letter. 'Cast thy humble slough,' says she; 'be
opposite with kinsman, surly with servants; let thy tongue tang
with arguments of state; put thyself into the trick of
singularity'; and, consequently, sets down the manner how; as, a
sad face, a reverend carriage, a slow tongue, in the habit of
some sir of note, and so forth. I have lim'd her; but it is
Jove's doing, and Jove make me thankful! And when she went away
now, 'Let this fellow be look'd to'; fellow! not Malvolio, nor
after my degree, but fellow. Why, every thing adheres together,
that no dram of a scruple, no scruple of a scruple, no obstacle,
no incredulous or unsafe circumstance,-- what can be said?
Nothing that can be can come between me and the full prospect of
my hopes. Well, Jove, not I, is the doer of this, and he is to be
thank'd.
[Re-enter MARIA, with SIR TOBY and FABIAN.]
SIR TOBY.
Which way is he, in the name of sanctity? If all the devils of
hell be drawn in little, and Legion himself possessed him, yet I
'll speak to him.
FABIAN.
Here he is, here he is. How is 't with you, sir? how is 't with
you, man?
MALVOLIO.
Go off; I discard you: let me enjoy my private; go off.
MARIA.
Lo, how hollow the fiend speaks within him! did not I tell you?
Sir Toby, my lady prays you to have a care of him.
MALVOLIO.
Ah, ha! does she so?
SIR TOBY.
Go to, go to; peace, peace; we must deal gently with him: let me
alone. How do you, Malvolio? how is 't with you? What, man! defy
the devil; consider, he 's an enemy to mankind.
MALVOLIO.
Do you know what you say?
MARIA.
La you, and you speak ill of the devil, how he takes it at heart!
Pray God, he be not bewitch'd! My lady would not lose him for
more than I 'll say.
MALVOLIO.
How now, mistress!
MARIA.
O Lord!
SIR TOBY.
Prithee, hold thy peace; this is not the way: do you not see you
move him? let me alone with him.
FABIAN.
No way but gentleness; gently, gently: the fiend is rough, and
will not be roughly us'd.
SIR TOBY.
Why, how now, my bawcock! how dost thou, chuck?
MALVOLIO.
Sir!
SIR TOBY.
Ay, Biddy, come with me. What, man! 't is not for gravity to play
at cherry-pit with Satan. Hang him, foul collier!
MARIA.
Get him to say his prayers; good Sir Toby, get him to pray.
MALVOLIO.
My prayers, minx!
MARIA.
No, I warrant you, he will not hear of godliness.
MALVOLIO.
Go, hang yourselves all! you are idle shallow things. I am not of
your element; you shall know more hereafter.
[Exit.]
SIR TOBY.
Is 't possible?
FABIAN.
If this were play'd upon a stage now, I could condemn it as an
improbable fiction.
SIR TOBY.
His very genius hath taken the infection of the device, man.
MARIA.
Nay, pursue him now, lest the device take air and taint.
FABIAN.
Why, we shall make him mad indeed.
MARIA.
The house will be the quieter.
SIR TOBY.
Come, we 'll have him in a dark room and bound. My niece is
already in the belief that he 's mad: we may carry it thus, for
our pleasure and his penance, till our very pastime, tired out of
breath, prompt us to have mercy on him; at which time we will
bring the device to the bar, and crown thee for a finder of
madmen. But see, but see.
[Enter SIR ANDREW.]
FABIAN.
More matter for a May morning.
SIR ANDREW.
Here 's the challenge, read it; I warrant there 's vinegar and
pepper in 't.
FABIAN.
Is 't so saucy?
SIR ANDREW.
Ay, is 't, I warrant him; do but read.
SIR TOBY.
Give me. [Reads] Youth, whatsoever thou art, thou art but a
scurvy fellow.
FABIAN.
Good and valiant.
SIR TOBY.
[Reads] Wonder not, nor admire not in thy mind, why I do call
thee so, for I will show thee no reason for 't.
FABIAN.
A good note; that keeps you from the blow of the law.
SIR TOBY.
[Reads] Thou com'st to the lady Olivia, and in my sight she uses
thee kindly: but thou liest in thy throat; that is not the matter
I challenge thee for.
FABIAN.
Very brief, and to exceeding good sense-- less.
SIR TOBY.
[Reads] I will waylay thee going home; where if it be thy chance
to kill me,--
FABIAN.
Good.
SIR TOBY.
[Reads.] Thou kill 'st me like a rogue and a villain.
FABIAN.
Still you keep o' th' windy side of the law; good.
SIR TOBY.
[Reads] Fare thee well; and God have mercy upon one of our souls!
He may have mercy upon mine; but my hope is better, and so look
to thyself. Thy friend, as thou usest him, and thy sworn enemy,
ANDREW AGUECHEEK.
If this letter move him not, his legs cannot; I'll give 't him.
MARIA.
You may have very fit occasion for 't; he is now in some commerce
with my lady, and will by and by depart.
SIR TOBY.
Go, Sir Andrew; scout me for him at the corner of the orchard,
like a bum-baily. So soon as ever thou see'st him, draw; and as
thou drawest, swear horrible; for it comes to pass oft, that a
terrible oath, with a swaggering accent sharply twang'd off,
gives manhood more approbation than ever proof itself would have
earn'd him. Away!
SIR ANDREW.
Nay, let me alone for swearing.
[Exit.]
SIR TOBY.
Now will not I deliver his letter; for the behaviour of the young
gentleman gives him out to be of good capacity and breeding; his
employment between his lord and my niece confirms no less:
therefore this letter, being so excellently ignorant, will breed
no terror in the youth; he will find it comes from a clodpole.
But, sir, I will deliver his challenge by word of mouth; set upon
Aguecheek a notable report of valour; and drive the gentleman, as
I know his youth will aptly receive it, into a most hideous
opinion of his rage, skill, fury, and impetuosity. This will so
fright them both, that they will kill one another by the look,
like cockatrices.
[Re-enter OLIVIA with VIOLA.]
FABIAN.
Here he comes with your niece; give them way till he take leave,
and presently after him.
SIR TOBY.
I will meditate the while upon some horrid message for a
challenge.
[Exeunt SIR TOBY, FABIAN, and MARIA.]
OLIVIA.
I have said too much unto a heart of stone,
And laid mine honour too unchary out.
There 's something in me that reproves my fault;
But such a headstrong potent fault it is,
That it but mocks reproof.
VIOLA.
With the same haviour that your passion bears,
Goes on my master's grief.
OLIVIA.
Here, wear this jewel for me, 't is my picture:
Refuse it not; it hath no tongue to vex you:
And I beseech you come again to-morrow.
What shall you ask of me that I 'll deny,
That honour sav'd may upon asking give?
VIOLA.
Nothing but this,-- your true love for my master.
OLIVIA.
How with mine honour may I give him that
Which I have given to you?
VIOLA.
I will acquit you.
OLIVIA.
Well, come again to-morrow; fare thee well.
A fiend like thee might bear my soul to hell.
[Exit.]
[Re-enter SIR TOBY and FABIAN.]
SIR TOBY.
Gentleman, God save thee!
VIOLA.
And you, sir.
SIR TOBY.
That defence thou hast, betake thee to 't. Of what nature the
wrongs are thou hast done him, I know not; but thy intercepter,
full of despite, bloody as the hunter, attends thee at the
orchard-end. Dismount thy tuck, be yare in thy preparation; for
thy assailant is quick, skilful, and deadly.
VIOLA.
You mistake, sir; I am sure no man hath any quarrel to me: my
remembrance is very free and clear from any image of offence done
to any man.
SIR TOBY.
You'll find it otherwise, I assure you. Therefore, if you hold
your life at any price, betake you to your guard; for your
opposite hath in him what youth, strength, skill, and wrath can
furnish man withal.
VIOLA.
I pray you, sir, what is he?
SIR TOBY.
He is knight, dubb'd with unhatch'd rapier and on carpet
consideration; but he is a devil in private brawl: souls and
bodies hath he divorc'd three; and his incensement at this moment
is so implacable that satisfaction can be none but by pangs of
death and sepulchre. Hob, nob, is his word; give 't or take 't.
VIOLA.
I will return again into the house and desire some conduct of the
lady. I am no fighter. I have heard of some kind of men that put
quarrels purposely on others, to taste their valour; belike this
is a man of that quirk.
SIR TOBY.
Sir, no; his indignation derives itself out of a very competent
injury. Therefore get you on and give him his desire. Back you
shall not to the house, unless you undertake that with
me which with as much safety you might answer him. Therefore on,
or strip your sword stark naked; for meddle you must, that 's
certain, or forswear to wear iron about you.
VIOLA.
This is as uncivil as strange. I beseech you, do me this
courteous office, as to know of the knight what my offence to him
is; it is something of my negligence, nothing of my purpose.
SIR TOBY.
I will do so. Signior Fabian, stay you by this gentleman till my
return.
[Exit.]
VIOLA.
Pray you, sir, do you know of this matter?
FABIAN.
I know the knight is incens'd against you, even to a mortal
arbitrement; but nothing of the circumstance more.
VIOLA.
I beseech you, what manner of man is he?
FABIAN.
Nothing of that wonderful promise, to read him by his form, as
you are like to find him in the proof of his valour. He is,
indeed, sir, the most skilful, bloody, and fatal opposite that
you could possibly have found in any part of Illyria. Will you
walk towards him? I will make your peace with him, if I can.
VIOLA.
I shall be much bound to you for 't. I am one that had rather go
with sir priest than sir knight; I care not who knows so much of
my mettle.
[Exeunt.]
[Re-enter SIR TOBY, with SIR ANDREW.]
SIR TOBY.
Why, man, he's a very devil; I have not seen such a firago. I had
a pass with him, rapier, scabbard, and all, and he gives me the
stuck in with such a mortal motion that it is
inevitable; and, on the answer, he pays you as surely as your
feet hit the ground they step on. They say he has been fencer to
the Sophy.
SIR ANDREW.
Pox on 't, I'll not meddle with him.
SIR TOBY.
Ay, but he will not now be pacified; Fabian can scarce hold him
yonder.
SIR ANDREW.
Plague on 't; and I thought he had been valiant and so cunning in
fence, I'd have seen him damn'd ere I 'd have challeng'd him. Let
him let the matter slip, and I 'll give him my horse, gray
Capilet.
SIR TOBY.
I 'll make the motion. Stand here, make a good show on 't; this
shall end without the perdition of souls. [Aside] Marry, I 'll
ride your horse as well as I ride you.
[Re-enter FABIAN and VIOLA.]
[To FABIAN] I have his horse to take up the quarrel; I have
persuaded him the youth 's a devil.
FABIAN.
He is as horribly conceited of him; and pants and looks pale, as
if a bear were at his heels.
SIR TOBY.
[To VIOLA] There 's no remedy, sir: he will fight with you for 's
oath sake. Marry, he hath better bethought him of his quarrel,
and he finds that now scarce to be worth talking of: therefore
draw, for the supportance of his vow; he protests he will not
hurt you.
VIOLA.
[Aside] Pray God defend me! A little thing would make me tell
them how much I lack of a man.
FABIAN.
Give ground, if you see him furious.
SIR TOBY.
Come, Sir Andrew, there's no remedy; the gentleman will, for his
honour's sake, have one bout with you; he cannot by the duello
avoid it; but he has promis'd me, as he is a gentleman and a
soldier, he will not hurt you. Come on; to 't.
SIR ANDREW.
Pray God, he keep his oath!
VIOLA.
I do assure you 't is against my will. [They draw]
[Enter ANTONIO.]
ANTONIO.
Put up your sword. If this young gentleman
Have done offence, I take the fault on me;
If you offend him, I for him defy you.
SIR TOBY.
You, sir! why, what are you?
ANTONIO.
One, sir, that for his love dares yet do more
Than you have heard him brag to you he will.
SIR TOBY.
Nay, if you be an undertaker, I am for you.
[They draw]
[Enter OFFICERS.]
FABIAN.
O good Sir Toby, hold! here come the officers.
SIR TOBY.
I 'll be with you anon.
VIOLA.
Pray, sir, put your sword up, if you please.
SIR ANDREW.
Marry, will I, sir; and, for that I promis'd you, I 'll be as
good as my word; he will bear you easily, and reins well.
1 OFFICER.
This is the man; do thy office.
2 OFFICER.
Antonio, I arrest thee at the suit
Of Count Orsino.
ANTONIO.
You do mistake me, sir.
1 OFFICER.
No, sir, no jot; I know your favour well,
Though now you have no sea-cap on your head.
Take him away; he knows I know him well.
ANTONIO.
I must obey. [To VIOLA] This comes with seeking you:
But there's no remedy; I shall answer it.
What will you do, now my necessity
Makes me to ask you for my purse? It grieves me
Much more for what I cannot do for you
Than what befalls myself. You stand amaz'd;
But be of comfort.
2 OFFICER.
Come, sir, away.
ANTONIO.
I must entreat of you some of that money.
VIOLA.
What money, sir?
For the fair kindness you have show'd me here,
And, part, being prompted by your present trouble,
Out of my lean and low ability
I 'll lend you something. My having is not much;
I 'll make division of my present with you:
Hold, there 's half my coffer.
ANTONIO.
Will you deny me now?
Is 't possible that my deserts to you
Can lack persuasion? Do not tempt my misery,
Lest that it make me so unsound a man
As to upbraid you with those kindnesses
That I have done for you.
VIOLA.
I know of none;
Nor know I you by voice or any feature.
I hate ingratitude more in a man
Than lying, vainness, babbling, drunkenness,
Or any taint of vice whose strong corruption
Inhabits our frail blood.
ANTONIO.
O heavens themselves!
2 OFFICER.
Come, sir, I pray you, go.
ANTONIO.
Let me speak a little. This youth that you see here
I snatch'd one half out of the jaws of death,
Reliev'd him with such sanctity of love,
And to his image, which methought did promise
Most venerable worth, did I devotion.
1 OFFICER.
What 's that to us? The time goes by; away!
ANTONIO.
But O how vile an idol proves this god!
Thou hast, Sebastian, done good feature shame.
In nature there 's no blemish but the mind;
None can be call'd deform'd but the unkind.
Virtue is beauty; but the beauteous evil
Are empty trunks, o'erflourish'd by the devil.
1 OFFICER.
The man grows mad; away with him!
Come, come, sir.
ANTONIO.
Lead me on.
[Exit with OFFICERS.]
VIOLA.
Methinks his words do from such passion fly
That he believes himself; so do not I.
Prove true, imagination, O, prove true,
That I, dear brother, be now ta'en for you!
SIR TOBY.
Come hither, knight; come hither, Fabian; we 'll whisper o'er a
couplet or two of most sage saws.
VIOLA.
He nam'd Sebastian. I my brother know
Yet living in my glass; even such and so
In favour was my brother; and he went
Still in this fashion, colour, ornament,
For him I imitate. O, if it prove,
Tempests are kind, and salt waves fresh in love!
[Exit.]
SIR TOBY.
A very dishonest paltry boy, and more a coward than a hare: his
dishonesty appears in leaving his friend here in necessity and
denying him; and for his cowardship, ask Fabian.
FABIAN.
A coward, a most devout coward, religious in it.
SIR ANDREW.
'Slid, I'll after him again and beat him.
SIR TOBY.
Do; cuff him soundly, but never draw thy sword.
SIR ANDREW.
And I do not,--
[Exit.]
FABIAN.
Come, let's see the event.
SIR TOBY.
I dare lay any money 't will be nothing yet.
[Exeunt.] _
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