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_ ACT IV. SCENE II.
The park.
[From the shooting within, enter HOLOFERNES, SIR NATHANIEL, and DULL.]
NATHANIEL.
Very reverent sport, truly; and done in the
testimony of a good conscience.
HOLOFERNES.
The deer was, as you know, sanguis, in blood; ripe
as the pomewater, who now hangeth like a jewel in the
ear of caelo, the sky, the welkin, the heaven; and anon
falleth like a crab on the face of terra, the soil,
the land, the earth.
NATHANIEL.
Truly, Master Holofernes, the epithets are sweetly
varied, like a scholar at the least; but, sir,
I assure ye it was a buck of the first head.
HOLOFERNES.
Sir Nathaniel, haud credo.
DULL.
'Twas not a haud credo; 'twas a pricket.
HOLOFERNES.
Most barbarous intimation! yet a kind of insinuation, as it
were, in via, in way, of explication; facere, as it were,
replication, or rather, ostentare, to show, as it were, his
inclination, after his undressed, unpolished, uneducated,
unpruned, untrained, or rather unlettered, or ratherest
unconfirmed fashion, to insert again my haud credo for a deer.
DULL.
I Said the deer was not a haud credo; 'twas a pricket.
HOLOFERNES.
Twice-sod simplicity, bis coctus!
O thou monster Ignorance, how deformed dost thou look!
NATHANIEL.
Sir, he hath never fed of the dainties that are bred
in a book; He hath not eat paper, as it were; he hath
not drunk ink; his intellect is not replenished; he is
only an animal, only sensible in the duller parts;
And such barren plants are set before us that we
thankful should be- Which we of taste and
feeling are- for those parts that do fructify in
us more than he. For as it would ill become me to
be vain, indiscreet, or a fool, So, were there a
patch set on learning, to see him in a school.
But, omne bene, say I, being of an old father's mind:
Many can brook the weather that love not the wind.
DULL.
You two are book-men: can you tell me by your wit
What was a month old at Cain's birth that's not
five weeks old as yet?
HOLOFERNES.
Dictynna, goodman Dull; Dictynna, goodman Dull.
DULL.
What is Dictynna?
NATHANIEL.
A title to Phoebe, to Luna, to the moon.
HOLOFERNES.
The moon was a month old when Adam was no more,
And raught not to five weeks when he came to five-score.
Th' allusion holds in the exchange.
DULL.
'Tis true, indeed; the collusion holds in the exchange.
HOLOFERNES.
God comfort thy capacity! I say th' allusion holds
in the exchange.
DULL.
And I say the polusion holds in the exchange; for the
moon is never but a month old; and I say, beside,
that 'twas a pricket that the Princess kill'd.
HOLOFERNES.
Sir Nathaniel, will you hear an extemporal epitaph
on the death of the deer? And, to humour the ignorant,
call the deer the Princess kill'd a pricket.
NATHANIEL.
Perge, good Master Holofernes, perge, so it shall
please you to abrogate scurrility.
HOLOFERNES.
I Will something affect the letter, for it argues facility.
The preyful Princess pierc'd and prick'd a pretty pleasing pricket.
Some say a sore; but not a sore till now made sore with shooting.
The dogs did yell; put el to sore, then sorel jumps from thicket-
Or pricket sore, or else sorel; the people fall a-hooting.
If sore be sore, then L to sore makes fifty sores o' sorel.
Of one sore I an hundred make by adding but one more L.
NATHANIEL.
A rare talent!
DULL.
[Aside]
If a talent be a claw,
look how he claws him with a talent.
HOLOFERNES.
This is a gift that I have, simple, simple; a
foolish extravagant spirit, full of forms, figures,
shapes, objects, ideas, apprehensions, motions,
revolutions. These are begot in the ventricle of
memory, nourish'd in the womb of pia mater, and
delivered upon the mellowing of occasion. But the gift is
good in those in whom it is acute, and I am thankful for it.
NATHANIEL.
Sir, I praise the Lord for you, and so may my
parishioners; for their sons are well tutor'd by you, and
their daughters profit very greatly under you. You are a good
member of the commonwealth.
HOLOFERNES.
Mehercle, if their sons be ingenious, they shall
want no instruction; if their daughters be capable,
I will put it to them; but, vir sapit qui pauca
loquitur. A soul feminine saluteth us.
[Enter JAQUENETTA and COSTARD.]
JAQUENETTA.
God give you good morrow, Master Person.
HOLOFERNES.
Master Person, quasi pers-one. And if one should be
pierc'd which is the one?
COSTARD.
Marry, Master Schoolmaster,
he that is likest to a hogshead.
HOLOFERNES.
Piercing a hogshead! A good lustre of conceit in a
turf of earth; fire enough for a flint, pearl enough
for a swine; 'tis pretty; it is well.
JAQUENETTA.
Good Master Parson, be so good as read me this letter;
it was given me by Costard, and sent me from Don Armado. I
beseech you read it.
HOLOFERNES.
Fauste, precor gelida quando pecus omne sub umbra Ruminat-
and so forth. Ah, good old Mantuan! I may speak of thee as
the traveller doth of Venice:
Venetia, Venetia,
Chi non ti vede, non ti pretia.
Old Mantuan, old Mantuan! Who understandeth thee not,
loves thee not-
Ut, re, sol, la, mi, fa.
Under pardon, sir, what are the contents? or rather as
Horace says in his- What, my soul, verses?
NATHANIEL.
Ay, sir, and very learned.
HOLOFERNES.
Let me hear a staff, a stanze, a verse; lege, domine.
NATHANIEL.
[Reads]
'If love make me forsworn, how shall I swear to love?
Ah, never faith could hold, if not to beauty vowed!
Though to myself forsworn, to thee I'll faithful prove;
Those thoughts to me were oaks, to thee like osiers bowed.
Study his bias leaves, and makes his book thine eyes,
Where all those pleasures live that art would comprehend.
If knowledge be the mark, to know thee shall suffice;
Well learned is that tongue that well can thee commend;
All ignorant that soul that sees thee without wonder;
Which is to me some praise that I thy parts admire.
Thy eye Jove's lightning bears, thy voice his dreadful thunder,
Which, not to anger bent, is music and sweet fire.
Celestial as thou art, O, pardon love this wrong,
That singes heaven's praise with such an earthly tongue.'
HOLOFERNES.
You find not the apostrophas, and so miss the accent:
let me supervise the canzonet. Here are only numbers ratified;
but, for the elegancy, facility, and golden cadence of poesy,
caret. Ovidius Naso was the man. And why, indeed, 'Naso' but
for smelling out the odoriferous flowers of fancy, the jerks of
invention? Imitari is nothing: so doth the hound his master,
the ape his keeper, the tired horse his rider. But, damosella
virgin, was this directed to you?
JAQUENETTA.
Ay, sir, from one Monsieur Berowne, one of the
strange queen's lords.
HOLOFERNES.
I will overglance the superscript: 'To the snow-white
hand of the most beauteous Lady Rosaline.' I will
look again on the intellect of the letter, for the
nomination of the party writing to the person written
unto: 'Your Ladyship's in all desired employment,
Berowne.' Sir Nathaniel, this Berowne is one of the
votaries with the King; and here he hath framed a
letter to a sequent of the stranger queen's which
accidentally, or by the way of progression, hath
miscarried. Trip and go, my sweet; deliver this paper
into the royal hand of the King; it may concern much.
Stay not thy compliment; I forgive thy duty.
Adieu.
JAQUENETTA.
Good Costard, go with me. Sir, God save your life!
COSTARD.
Have with thee, my girl.
[Exeunt COSTARD and JAQUENETTA.]
NATHANIEL.
Sir, you have done this in the fear of God, very
religiously; and, as a certain father saith-
HOLOFERNES.
Sir, tell not me of the father; I do fear
colourable colours. But to return to the verses:
did they please you, Sir Nathaniel?
NATHANIEL.
Marvellous well for the pen.
HOLOFERNES.
I do dine to-day at the father's of a certain pupil of
mine; where, if, before repast, it shall please you to
gratify the table with a grace, I will, on my privilege
I have with the parents of the foresaid child or pupil,
undertake your ben venuto; where I will prove those
verses to be very unlearned, neither savouring of poetry,
wit, nor invention. I beseech your society.
NATHANIEL.
And thank you too; for society, saith the text, is
the happiness of life.
HOLOFERNES.
And certes, the text most infallibly concludes it.
[To DULL]
Sir, I do invite you too; you shall not say me nay:
pauca verba. Away; the gentles are at their game,
and we will to our recreation.
[Exeunt.] _
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