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Peck's Sunshine, a fiction by George W. Peck |
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The Ministerial Pugilists |
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_ Those who read the account of the trial of Rev. Carhart, at Oshkosh, are about as sick of true goodness as men can be. They open the ecclesiastical court by singing "A charge to keep I have," and then Brother Haddock, after a prayer has been delivered, does not keep his charges, but fires them at the presiding elder. Good old tunes are sung previous to calling witnesses to testify to alleged three carde monte acts of a disciple of Christ. Sanctimonious looking men pray for divine guidance, and then try to prove that a dear brother has bilked another dear brother out of several hundred dollars on Texas lands, and that he tried to trade a wagon at double what it is worth to settle the matter. They sing, "Take me just as I am," and then try to prove that the one who made charges against the other is not altogether holy, because he is alleged to have confessed to passing the night in a room with a female church member, in silent devotion, when he swears it is a lie,--that he only laid on a lounge. Prominent Methodists collect at the bull-fight in Oshkosh, take sides with one or the other, and lay their bottom prayer that their champion will come out on top, with not a stripe polluted nor a star erased: One side sings, "Jesus caught me when a stranger," and the other side smiles and winks and whispers that they are glad he was caught. They sing, "Rock of ages, cleft for me," and proceed to cleave the rock of each other's character. They cast one eye heavenward in prayer, while with the other they watch the other side to see that they don't steal the testimony. Some one starts "Little drops of water," and big drops of perspiration appear on truly good foreheads for fear proof will be adduced to show that money has been obtained under false pretenses. And this goes by the name of religion! There should be honor among ministers. Both of the principals in this suit should be bounced. If the charges are true, Carhart should emigrate. If they are not true, Haddock should emigrate. _ |
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