Chapter 20

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_ CHAPTER XX

Wall, this mornin' we sot off in good season. We would always lay our plans in the mornin', and that mornin' I said, "I would love to tackle the Agricultural Buildin'."

And Josiah gin his willin' consent. He said, "After so much gildin' and orniments, he would love to look at a potato, or a rutabagy, or a cowcumber."

And I sez, "If you lay out to git rid of seein' orniments, you had better not stir out of your tracks."

And Nony Piddock said, "It sickened a man to see so much vain orniment."

And the Twin said, "It wuz perfectly beautiful to see it."

And the rest of the boarders bein' agreed jest about as well on't, we set out for the Agricultural Hall in pretty good sperits.

Wall, truly did Nony say that the orniments wuz impressive and overwhelmin'.

Now, I thought I had seen orniments, and I thought I had seen pillows.

Why, Father Allen had a porch held up by as many as five pillows--holler ones--boarded round and painted to look like granite stun.

And our Meetin'-House steeple wuz, I had always spozed, ornimented.

Why, we had gin as high as fourteen dollars for the ornimental work on that steeple, and the Jonesvillians, and the Loontowns, and the Zoarites come from fur and near to look at it and admire it, the Jonesvillians in pride and the others in envy, and a-hankerin' to have one like it.

[Illustration: The Jonesvillians, and the Loontowns, and the Zoarites came from fur and near to admire it.]

But truly our pride in that steeple tottered and fell when we hove in sight of that Agricultural Hall.

And when you look at the size of that buildin', and the grandeur of it, you can see plain what sort of a place Agriculture holds in the minds of the world, and how much store folks set on eatin'; and truly, how could the world git along without it? It would run right down.

Why, imagine, if you can, eight hundred feet one way and five hundred the other way, all orniments and pillows, pillows and orniments, and one big towerin' dome in the centre, and lots of smaller ones, each one topped off with the most beautiful figger, and groups of figgers, you ever laid eyes on.

Where wuz Father Allen's pillow, and our steeple? Gone, crushed down under twenty-six hundred feet of clear pillows and orniments.

On top of the great central dome stands the beautiful figger of Diana, who had flown away from Madison Square, New York, and had settled down here on purpose to delight the beholders of the United Globe with her beauty and grace.

She wuz still a-holdin' her arrows in her hand, still a-turnin' her beautiful face around so everybody could see it, still a-kickin' at the wind with her pretty heel. But, as in the past, so now, let her kick ever so hard, she couldn't turn the wind a mite when it got its mind made up to blow from any particular pint of the compass.

And besides this figger on the dome, every little while on the four corners of the buildin' wuz long, low groups of female wimmen a-holdin' garlands, depicterin' the four seasons.

And the long line of pillows would be broken by noble piers, with a beautiful group of figgers on every one on 'em, and some flags a-wavin' out, as if to draw attention to the perfectness of the statutes.

One on 'em wuz a good-lookin' man a-holdin' two prancin' horses, and I sez to myself, I am glad to see a man a-holdin' the bits for once.

But come to look closter, I see that there wuz two figgers--little girls, I guess--that wuz holt of the horses' heads. And then I see the man had a sword in one hand and a club in the other. He wuzn't to blame--he couldn't hold 'em. Jest like Josiah; lots of times he would be real glad to do things, only his hands are full.

And then another group wuz a beautiful female a-standin' up between two great, big, long-horned oxen, a-holdin' them powerful-lookin' beasts with a rope made of posies.

Good land! I wouldn't held 'em with iron chains. They looked so high-headed, and their horns looked so long, and it seemed too bad to put her at such a dangerous job.

But she didn't seem to be a mite afraid; she looked calm, and she had on plenty of store clothes, which wuz indeed a comfort.

[Illustration: She didn't seem to be a mite afraid.]

And then, besides these main piers, with their large, beautiful groups, there wuz fifty-two smaller piers, each one havin' a handsome statute, representin' winged Geniis, sometimes a-holdin' tablets in their hands, and anon horns of plenty, and abundance.

Most of this beautiful sculpture wuz designed by a man named Martiney, French born, but I guess a-callin' himself an American now.

And I thought, as I looked at it, I would love to see him, and tell him how well I thought on him and his works. He also made the beautiful orniments in the interior of the large rotunda, and the great figger of Ceres that stands in the centre.

In the pediment over the main entrance stands another beautiful figger of Ceres--she that wuz Demetor Saturn.

I spoze, mebby, now we ort to call her Miss Jupiter. But, anyway, she is as good-hearted as can be, always a-handin' out grain and food to the perishin'.

Here she stands in the sculpture, which is made by an American, Mr. Mead by name--here she stands, tall and benignant, in the centre of as many as twenty men, wimmen, and children, a-sufferin' from hunger the most on 'em, and she a-handin' out food right and left. What a good creeter she is, anyway!

Wall, mebby I have gin you a faint, a very faint idee of the beauty of the hull twenty-six hundred feet of solid loveliness and perfection.

But who--who will tell what we see inside on't?

In this buildin' every State in the Union, and almost every civilized nation of the world, is represented with agricultural exhibits, and food products in their manufactured state. Prizes will be gin at the end of the Fair to the _best_.

Every nation is shown up here; and if you have got any learnin', you can look it up in your own Gography, and realize the number on 'em, and the immense size of the exhibition.

And then there is the most interestin' exhibits in agricultural teachin', Schools and Colleges of different nations, side by side with the best American colleges of Agriculture, and Experimental Stations.

Here in this exhibit you can see everything eatable and drinkable, from Jonesville wheat to palm sugar, and all sorts of vegetables that wuz ever seen, and the very biggest ones that wuz ever grown, from a sweet potato to a squash, and peanuts to cocoanuts--

And all sorts of animal products, from a elephant's tusk, from Africa, to a sleek deacon's skin, from Jonesville.

And then, besides the exhibit of raw products of every kind, from Egypt to Shackville, there are shown off all sorts of manufactured foods, and everything else, and so forth and so on.

If you stay here long enough, say from 2 to 3 months, you can git a good idee of what the world feeds on, from Hindoostan to Loontown and Zoar.

Josiah enjoyed himself here richly.

He hardly could be torn away.

And I took comfort, too, in the dairy, where the butter and cheese from the different States is shown off in handsome cases, and kep cool and fresh in dog-days. This wuz, I spoze, to test the merits of the different breeds of dairy cattle, and teach the very best methods of makin' butter and cheese.

I took solid comfort here, and I also got some new and useful idees that I could disseminate to Miss Isham, and she that wuz Submit Tewksbury.

As for Philury, I mean to give her lessons daily (she runs our dairy in my absence).

In the annex of this buildin' wuz exhibits of all the Agricultural implements ever known or hearn on, from the first old rickety reaper up to the noble machine of to-day, that will cut the grain, and take out a string and tie it up in sheafs; and I guess if it wuz encouraged enough, it would take it to the mill and grind it--

And the first old cotton-gin and mower up to the finished machines of to-day.

Outside this buildin', directly on the lagoon, wuz exhibits of gates, fences, and all sorts of wind-mills, from the picteresque old Dutch mills up to the ones of eighteen hundred and ninety-three.

And engines, portable and traction ones.

I asked Josiah, "What he spozed a traction engine wuz," and he sez, "One that is tractable--easy to manage." Sez he, "Some on 'em, you know, is obstropolos."

I don't know whether he got it right or not, but he seemed sure on't, and that is half the battle, so fur as makin' a show is concerned, in this world.

Jined to this department is a Assembly Hall, on purpose for speakers and orators to disseminate the best and latest idees about agriculture.

And, take it all in all, what a boon to Jonesville and the World the hull exhibit is!

It wuz a sight!

Wall, bein' pretty nigh to it--only a little walk acrost a tree-shaded green--I acceded to my pardner's request that I would go with him to the Stock Exhibit. He had been before, but I hadn't got round to it.

It is sixty-three acres big, forty-four acres under ruff.

Think of a house forty-four acres big!

Wall, here we see every live animal that wuz ever seen, from a little trick pony to a elephant, and from a sheep to a camel--a dretful interestin' exhibit, but noisy.

And all kinds of dogs, from a poodle to a mastiff.

Why, there wuz one dog there that wuz worth three thousand and seven hundred dollars; it is the biggest dog in the world.

But I told Josiah that I wouldn't gin a cent for it if I had got to have it round; it wuz so big that it wuz fairly skairful. Why it weighed about two hundred and fifty pounds.

[Illustration: It wuz so big that it wuz fairly skairful.]

It wuz a St. Bernard; but I told Josiah, "Santi or not, I wouldn't want to meet it alone in the back lane in the evenin'."

It would skair a young child into fits to go through this department; some of them wild creeters look so ferocious, especially the painters, they made my blood fairly curdle.

Wall, we stayed here for some time, or until my ear-pans seemed to be ruined for life. And then we had a little time on our hands, and Josiah proposed that we should go out on the water and take a short voyage to rest off. I gin a glad consent, and we sot off.

Wall, after bein' on the water a little while, I begun to feel so much rested that I proposed that we should row round to the other end of the park, and pay attention to some of the State Buildin's.

"For," sez I, "if the different countries should hear on't that I have been here all this while, without payin' 'em any attention, they will feel hurt." And sez I, "I had ruther give a cent than to have Great Britain feel hurt, and lots of the rest on 'em.

"And then," sez I, "it hain't right to slight 'em, even if they never heard on't."

"Oh, shaw!" sez Josiah, "I guess that they would git along if you didn't go at all; I guess that they hain't a-sufferin' for company this year."

"But," sez I with dignity, "this is a fur different thing, and as fur as our own United States Buildin's are concerned, I feel bound to 'em, bein' such a intimate friend to their Father-in-law."

"What do you mean?" sez Josiah.

"Why, Uncle Sam," sez I--"U.S. Epluribus Unim."

Agin he sez, "Oh, shaw!" But I held firm, and at my request the boat headed that way.

And we landed as nigh 'em as we could.

You see, all the United States, and most of the Foreign Countries, have a separate buildin', mostly gin up to social and friendly purposes, where natives of that State and country can go in and rest, and recooperate--see some of their friends, and so on, and so forth.

Wall, we laid out to pay attention to a lot on 'em that day.

But, as it turned out, we didn't go to but jest three on 'em, the reasons of which I will set down, and recapitulate.

I felt that we _had_ to go to New York and Illinois. Loyalty and Politeness stood on both sides of us, a-leadin' us to the home of our own native State, and the folks we wuz a-visitin'; and we found New York a perfect palace, modelled after an Italian one. And the row of green plants a-standin' on the ruff all round made it look real uneek and dretful handsome. And inside it wuz fitted up as luxurious as any palace need to be, with a banquet hall eighty-four feet long and forty-six feet high; a glow of white, and gold, and red, and crystal.

Yes, the hull house wuz pleasant and horsepitable, as become the dwellin' place of the Empire State.

And Illinois! You might know what you'd expect to find inside, when you see what they had outside on't.

That statute, "Hide and Seek," before the entrance, wuz, I do believe, the very best thing I see to the hull Fair--

Five little children with merry, laughin' faces a-playin' at hide and seek in a broken gray old stump, and flowers, and vines, and mosses a-runnin' round it and over it as nateral as life.

Wall, I stood before that beautiful object till Josiah had to draw me away from it almost by main force.

But inside it come my time to draw him away.

When we see that picter of the old farm made in seeds, he wuz as rooted to the spot as if he intended to remain sot out there, and grow up with the State.

[Illustration: He wuz rooted to the spot.]

And it wuz a dretful interestin' sight--the farm-house, the barns, the well, the old windmill, the long fields a-stretchin' back, and fenced off, with different crops on 'em, the good-lookin' men and wimmen, and the horses, with their glossy hides and silky manes and tails, and all made of different kinds of seeds and grasses. It wuz a sight to see the crowd that stood before that from mornin' till night, and you ask ten folks what impressed 'em the most at the Fair, and more'n half on 'em would most likely say that it wuz that seed picter in the Illinois Buildin'. Over one side on't wuz draped sunthin' that I took to be the very richest silk or velvet, all fringed out with a deep fringe on the end on't. But it wuz all made of grasses of different kinds--the idee! Fifteen young ladies of Illinois made that, and they done first-rate. I want 'em to know what I think on't, and what Josiah duz.

Wall, inside the buildin' wuz full and runnin' over with beautiful objects--lovely picters, noble statuary, beautiful works of art and industry done by the sons and daughters of the State.

It would take more'n a week to do any justice to it. Illinois done splendid. I want her to know how I appreciated it. She'll be glad to know how riz up I felt there.

Wall, when we left there we had a little dialogue--not mad exactly, but earnest.

I wanted to go and see Great Britain, and Josiah wanted to go to Vermont (he has got a third cousin a-livin' there, and he wanted to see him). "Wall," sez I, "we've got a mother to tend to; the Mother Country calls for a little filial attention."

"Oh, shaw!" sez he; "I guess you feel more related than they do; and," sez he, "I shall go to Vermont. Mebby I shall meet Bildad Allen right there in the settin'-room."

So there it wuz--we wuz both determined. I see by my companion's mean that it wouldn't do to insist on Great Britain.

But a woman hates to give in awful. So I suggested makin' a compromise on California.

[Illustration: A woman hates to give in awful, so I suggested a compromise on California.]

And he agreed to it. He, too, had seen a look of marble determination on my mean, and he dassent press the Vermont question too hard.

So we directed our steps towards the California Buildin'. It is a exact reproduction of the old Monastery of San Diego, and one hundred thousand square feet is the size on't.

It is full of the products of California. Sech fruit and flowers I never see, and don't expect to agin.

The flowers wuz gorgeous, and perfectly beautiful, and I spoze, though I don't really want to twit 'em of it, yet I do spoze they brought every mite of fruit out of California for this occasion. I don't spoze there wuz a orange left there, or a grape, nor anything else in the line of fruit. Mebby there might a been one or two green oranges left, but I doubt it.

And as for canned and dried fruit, I don't spoze there wuz a teacupful left in the hull State.

Why, jest think of the dried prunes it must have took to make that horse that wuz rared up there seven feet from the floor!

And wuzn't that horse a sight to see?--jest as nateral as though he wuz made of flesh instead of fruit.

I hearn, but mebby it come from some of their own folks--but I hearn that California had the best exhibits of all kinds of any of the States. But I wouldn't want it told from me. I don't want to git thirty or forty States mad as a hen at me; the States are dretful touchy, anyway, in the matter of State Rights and pride.

But the show wuz impressive--dretful.

This house wuz built, I spoze, in honor of Spain, like a old Spanish Mission Buildin'; and up in the towers which rise up on the four corners are belfrys, in which are some of the old Spanish bells, that still ring out and call to prayers, when the good old Fathers that used to hear 'em, and the Injun converts, generations and generations of 'em, have slept so sound that the bells can't wake 'em.

And the bells still swing out over this restless and ambitious generation, and they will swing and echo jest the same when we too have gone to sleep, and sleep sound.

Queer, hain't it, that a little dead lump of metal should outlive the beatin' human heart--the active, outreachin' human life, with its world-wide activities and Heaven-high aspiration?

But so it is; generations and generations are born, live, and die, and the old bells, a-takin' life easy, jest swing on, and ring out jest as sweet and calm and kinder careless at our death as at our birth.

The bells sounded dretful melancholy and heart achin' to me; that day they seemed to be soundin' a requiem clear from California to Jonesville for the good Man who had passed away.

Jest as we went down the steps we hearn a bystander a-tellin' another one "that Leland Stanford wuz dead." And I wuz fearful rousted up about it; I felt like death to hear on't; and to think that I never had a chance to tell him what I thought on him. I was fearful agitated, and almost by the side of myself; but jest at that juncture--jest as I sez to Josiah, "I shouldn't felt so bad if I had had a chance to tell him what I thought on him, and encourage him in his noble doin's, and warn him in one or two things"--jest at that minit, sez Josiah, "I've lost my bandanny handkerchief;" and he told me, "To wait there for him, that he thought that he remembered where he had dropped it--back in a antick room in the back part of the house."

And I thought more'n like as not that wuz the last I should see of him for hours and hours, the crowd wuz so immense and the search wuz so oncertain.

But it wuz a good new handkerchief--red and yeller, with a palm-tree pattern on it--and I couldn't discourage him from huntin' for it.

And jest as he turned to go back, he sez--

"Why, if there hain't Deacon Rogers of Loontown!"

And he advanced onto a good-lookin' man, who wuz a-standin' some distance off.

My pardner put out his hand and stepped forward with a glad face till he got to within three feet of him, and then his gladness died out, and he looked meachin'.

It wuzn't Rogers. And my pardner jest turned on his tracks, and disappeared round the buildin'. A bystander who wuz a-standin' by spoke up and sez:

"That is Governor Markham, of California."

"Why'ee!" sez I, "is that so?" and then the thought come to me that the pityin' Providence that had removed Senator Stanford from my encouragement, and warnin', had throwed this man in my way.

I see in a minit what would be expected of me both by the nation and by my own Gardeen Angel of Duty.

I must encourage him by tellin' him what I thought of the noble doin's of one of his folks, and I must warn him on a few things, and git him to turn round in his tracks.

So I advanced, and accosted him.

He was a-standin' out a little ways to one side a-lookin' up to the handsome front of the house, and I sez to him, in a voice nearly tremblin' with emotion--

"I have wanted to tell you, Governor Markham, how I feel, and how Josiah feels."

He turned round and looked kinder surprised, but good-natered, and I see then that he wuz a real good-lookin' man, and sez he--"Who is Josiah?"

And I sez, "My own pardner. I am Josiah Allen's Wife."

And as I sez this, bein' very polite, I kinder bowed my head, and he kinder bowed his head too. We appeared real well, both on us.

And sez I, "We feel it dretful, the passin' away and expirin' of one of your folks."

And sez he, "You allude to Senator Stanford?"

And I sez, "Yes; when I think of that noble school of hisen that he has sot up there in your great State--the finest school in the world for poor boys and poor girls, as well as rich ones--when I think what that great educational power is a-goin' to do for the children of this great country, rich and poor, I think on him almost by the side of Christopher Columbus. For if Christopher discovered a new world, Senator Stanford wuz a-takin' the youth of this country into a new realm--a-sailin' 'em out into a new world, and a grander one than they'd any idee on--a-sailin' 'em out on the great ship of his magnificent Charity; and that Ship," sez I, in a kind of a tremblin' voice, "wuz wafted out at first on the sombre wings of a heart-breakin' sorrow; but they grew white," sez I--"they grew silver white as that great Ship sailed on and on.

"And up through the cloudless blue overhead I believe an angel looks down smilin'ly and lovin'ly on what has been done, and what is a-doin' now--that youth whose tender heart, while he walked with man, wuz so tender and compassionate to the poor, and so wise to help 'em."

The Governor showed plain in his good-lookin' face how deeply he felt what I said, and I hastened to add--

"I wanted to thank him who is gone for this great and noble work; and as he has passed on beyend this world's praise, or blame, I want to tell you about it, seein' that you're at the head of the family.

"I speak," sez I, "in the name of Jonesville!"

"Whose name?" sez he.

And I sez, "My own native land, Jonesville, nigh to Loontown, seven milds from Zoar."

"Oh!" sez he.

"Yes," sez I, "Jonesville wuz proud of his doin's, and she thinks a sight of California.

"But in one thing she feels bad: she don't want California to make so much wine; she wishes you'd stop it.

"She's proud of your fruit, your flowers, your big trees, and other products, but she wishes you'd stop makin' so much wine. Jonesville wouldn't care if you made a couple of quarts for sickness or jell, but she feels as if she couldn't bear to see you swing out and make so much." Sez I, "Jonesville and I want you to stop makin' it--we want you to like dogs."

And then sez I, in still firmer axents, "It hain't a-settin' a good example to the schoolchildren in Palo Alto and the United States."

He looked real downcasted and sad, some as if he'd never thought on't in that light before.

He didn't really promise me, but I presoom to say that he won't never make another drop.

But his face looked dretful deprested. I see that he felt it deeply to think I had found fault with him.

But to resoom. Sez I--for here my gardeen angel hunched me hard and told me that here wuz a chance to do good--mebby the Governor could carry out the wishes of him that wuz gone--sez I, "Another great thing that Jonesville and I approve of wuz Senator Stanford's bill about lendin' money." Sez I, "There never wuz a better bill brought before America, and if Uncle Sam don't pass it, he hain't the old man I think he is.

"For," sez I, "jest take the case of Jim Widrig alone; that would pay for the trouble of passin' it.

"He has got a big farm of more'n two hundred acres, but the land is all run down--he can't raise nothin' on it hardly, it needs enrichin' so; he hain't no stock, and, as he often sez, 'If I should run in debt for 'em, we should soon be landed in the Poor-House.' He's got a wife and seven boys.

"Wall, now if he could only borry 2000 dollars of Uncle Sam, and only pay forty dollars a year for it--why, they would be jest made.

"They could put on twenty young cows on the place, two good horses, and go right on to success, for Jim is hard-workin', and Mahala Widrig is one of the best hard-workin' wimmen in the precincks of Jonesville, and I don't believe she has got a second dress to her back."

The Governor murmured sunthin' about a engagement he had. He looked worried and anxious, but I and my Gardeen Angel hadn't no idee of lettin' him go while there wuz a chance for us to plead for the Right.

And I hastened to say, "Uncle Sam needn't be 'fraid of lendin' money on that farm, for it is there solid, clear down to China; it can't run away."

The Governor kinder moved off a little, as if meditatin' flight, and I spoke up some louder, bein' determined to do all I could for Mahala Widrig--good, honest, hard-workin' creeter.

Sez I, "It will be the makin' of Jim Widrigses folks and more'n fifty others right there round Jonesville, to say nothin' about the hull of the United States; and it will be money in Uncle Sam's pocket, too, in the end, and he will own up to me that it is."

The Governor here took out his watch and looked at it almost onbeknown to me, I wuz so took up a-talkin' for Justice and Mahala.

[Illustration: The Governor took out his watch.]

Sez I, "This bill will bring money into Uncle Samuel's pocket in the end, for it will keep the boys to hum on the old farm." Sez I, "It is Poverty that has driv the boys off--hard work, high taxes, and ruinous mortgages drives to the city lots of 'em, to add to the pauper and criminal classes--boys that Uncle Sam might have kep to hum by the means I speak of, to grow up into sober, respectable, prosperous citizens, a strength and a safeguard to the Republic, but whom he now will have to support in prisons and almshouses, a danger and menace to the Goverment.

"Poor Uncle Sam!--poor, well-meanin', but oft misguided old creeter! It would be easier for him, if he only knew it, to do what Mr. Stanford wanted him to.

"Besides, think of the masses of fosterin' crime he would be a-pressin' back and a-turnin' into good, pure influences to bless the world! And besides, the oncounted gain to Heaven and earth! Uncle Sam would git the two-cent mortgages back a dozen times in the increase of taxable property."

The Governor murmured agin that he wuz wanted to once, in a distant part of the city--he must start for California imegatly, and on the next train. Sez he incoherently, "That school wuz about to open; he must be to the University to once."

He wuz nearly delirious--I spoze he wuz nearly overcome by my remarkable eloquence, but don't know.

But as he sot off, a-movin' backward in a polite way but swift, entirely onbeknown to him he come up aginst a big tree, and with a hopeless look of resignation he leaned up aginst it, while I, a-feelin' that Providence had interfered to give me another chance at him, advanced onwards, and sez to him in a real eloquent way, "That bill will do more than any amount of beggin', or jawin', or preachin', towards keepin' the boys to hum on the old deserted farms that are so thick in the country; and," sez I, "now that bill has fell out of his hands, I want you to take it up and pass it on to success."

Sez I, "Let Uncle Sam and you go out, as I have, in the country byroads in Jonesville, and Loontown, and Zoar, and you'll both gin in that I'm a-tellin' the truth."

Sez I, "If it hain't a pitiful sight in one short mornin's ride to go by more'n a dozen of them poor deserted old homes, as I have many a time, and I spoze they lay jest as thick scattered all over the State and country as they do round Jonesville."

Sez I, "To see them old brown ruffs a-humpin' themselves up jest as lonesome-lookin' and cold--no smoke a-comin' out of the chimblys to cheer 'em up--to see the bare winders a-facin' the west, and no bright eyes a-lookin' out, nor curly locks for the sunlight to git tangled in--to see the poor old door-step a-settin' there alone, as if a-tellin' over its troubles to the front gate, and that a-creakin' back to it on lonesome nights or cold, fair mornin's--

"And the old well-sweep a-pintin' up into the sky overhead, as if a-callin' Heaven to witness that it wuzn't to blame for the state of things--

"And the apple trees, with low swingin' branches, with no bare brown feet to press on 'em on the way up to the robin's nest overhead--empty barns, ruins, weedy gardens, long, lonesome stretches of paster and medder lands--

"Why, if Uncle Sam could look on sech sights, and have me right by him to tell him the reason on't--to tell him that two thousand dollars lent on easy interest would turn every one of them worthless, decayin' pieces of property into beautiful, flourishin', prosperous homes, he'd probable feel different about passin' the bill from what he duz now--

[Illustration: "If Uncle Sam could have me right by him to tell him the reason."]

"When I told him that most generally out behind the barn, and under the apple trees and gambrul ruff, wuz crouchin' the monster that had sapped the life out of the hum--the bloated, misshapen form of a mortgage at six per cent, and that old, insatiable monster had devoured and drinked down every cent of the earnin's that the hull family could bring to appease it with--

"It would open its snappin' old jaws and swaller 'em all down, and then set down refreshed but unappeased to wait for the next earnin's to be brung him.

"Wall, now, if they could pay off that mortgage, and git rid of it, they could walk over its prostrate form into prosperity; they could afford to lighten up the bare poverty of a country farm, so repellin' to the young, with some touches of brightness. Books, music, good horses, carriages would preach louder lessons of content to the children than any they would hear from their pa's or ma's or ministers.

"They would love their hums--would make them yield, instead of ruin and depressin' influences, a good income to themselves, and good tax-payin' property to help Uncle Sam--

"Decrease vice, increase virtue--lead away from prisons and almshousen, lead toward meetin'-housen, and the halls of justice, mebby. For in the highest places of trust and honor in the United States to-day is to be found the sons and daughters of country homes."

Here, at jest this juncture, my umbrell fell out of my hand, and it brung my eyes down to earth agin; for some time, entirely onbeknown to me, I had been a-lookin' up into the encirclin' heavens, and a-soarin' round there in oratory.

But as my eyes fell onto the Governor, I noticed the extreme weariness and mute agony on his liniment; he picked up my umbrell and handed it to me, and sez he, a-speakin' fast and agitated, as if in fear of sunthin' or ruther:--

"Your remarks are truly eloquent, and I believe every word on 'em; but," sez he, "I have an engagement of nearly life and death; I must leave you," and he sot off nearly on a run.

And I spread my umbrell and walked off with composure and dignity to tackle the next buildin', which wuz Oregon.

But my pardner jined me at that minit with his handkerchief held triumphantly in his hand.

And at his earnest request we didn't examine clost any of the State buildin's--that is, we didn't go in and look 'em over; but, from the outside view, we had a high opinion on 'em.

They wuz beautiful and extremely gorgeous, some on 'em.

And they looked real good, too, and wuz comfortable inside, I hain't a doubt on't.

I felt bad not to pay attention to every State jest as they come, and I know that they'll feel it if they ever hear on't.

But, as Josiah said, there wuz so many to pay attention to 'em, that they wouldn't mind so much as if they wuz more alone and lonely.

Wall, Josiah felt as if he'd got to have a bite of sunthin' to eat, and so we sot off at a pretty good jog for the nearest restaurant, and there we got a good lunch, and after we had done eatin', and Josiah wuz in a real good frame of mind, to all human appearance, I sez, "I'm a-goin' to see Hatye, if I don't see nothin' else."

And Josiah sez, "Where is Hatye?"

And I sez, "Not but a little ways from the German Buildin'."

And sez he, "Who is Hatye, anyway?"

And I sez, "Hatye is one of the first islands that Columbus discovered, and it ort to take a front rank in his doin's, and for lots of other reasons, too," sez I. "It is there that we see the exhibit of our colored men and bretheren."

We found Hatye a good-lookin' buildin', a story and a half high, with a good-lookin' dome a-risin' out of the centre.

And inside on't we found exhibits in fruit, grain, and machinery, and all sorts of products, and in the picters and other works of art we see that the Hatyeans wuz a-doin' first rate.

And, as I remarked to Josiah, sez I, "If Christopher Columbus stood right here by my side, he'd say--

"'Josiah Allen's wife, Hatye has done real well, and I am glad that I discovered it.'"

[Illustration: "Josiah Allen's wife, Hatye has done real well, and I am glad that I discovered it."]

Wall, that night, when I got back to Miss Plankses, I found a letter from Tirzah Ann, and my worst apprehensions I had apprehended in her case wuz realized.

She and Whitfield wuzn't a-comin' to the Fair at all.

By the time she got her oyster-shell stockin's done, the weather had moderated, so it wuz too cool to wear 'em, and it was too late then to begin woosted ones (of course, she could buy stockin's, but she wuz sot on havin' hand-made ones, bein' so much nicer, and so much more liable to attract respect and admiration)--

And then by that time the weather wuz so variable that she didn't know whether to take summer clothes or winter ones, and so she dallied along till it got so late that Whitfield didn't dast to take her out at all, she wuz so kinder mauger.

She had wore herself all out a-bonin' down and knittin' them stockin's, and embroiderin' them night-shirts, and preparin' for the Fair, so they gin up comin'.

I felt bad. _

Read next: Chapter 21

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