ACT I - SCENE IV

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_ In a second-class railway carriage.

Time: Same morning as Scene 1, Act I.

Noise, and a scene drawn past the
windows. The scene, showing a
momentary glimpse of fair English hills, is
almost entirely placards, "GIVE HER
BOVRIL," "GIVE HER OXO,"
alternately, for ever.

Occupants, JOHN BEAL, a girl, a man.

All sit in stoical silence like the two
images near Luxor. The man has the
window seat, and therefore the right of
control over the window.

MIRALDA CLEMENT

Would you mind having the window open?

THE MAN IN THE CORNER [shrugging his
shoulders in a shivery way]

Er--certainly. [Meaning he does not mind.
He opens the window.]

MIRALDA CLEMENT

Thank you so much.

MAN IN THE CORNER

Not at all. [He does not mean to contradict
her. Stoical silence again.]

MIRALDA CLEMENT

Would you mind having it shut now? I
think it is rather cold.

MAN IN THE CORNER

Certainly.

[He shuts it. Silence again.]

MIRALDA CLEMENT

I think I'd like the window open again now
for a bit. It is rather stuffy, isn't it?

MAN IN THE CORNER

Well, I think it's very cold.

MIRALDA CLEMENT

O, do you? But would you mind opening
it for me?

MAN IN THE CORNER

I'd much rather it was shut, if you don't
mind.

[She sighs, moves her hands slightly, and
her pretty face expresses the resignation of
the Christian martyr in the presence of
lions. This for the benefit of John.]

JOHN

Allow me, madam.

[He leans across the window's rightful
owner, a bigger man than he, and opens his
window.

MAN IN THE CORNER shrugs his shoulders
and, quite sensibly, turns to his paper.]

MIRALDA

O, thank you so much.

JOHN

Don't mention it.

[Silence again.]

VOICES OF PORTERS [Off]

Fan Kar, Fan Kar.

[MAN IN THE CORNER gets out.]

MIRALDA

Could you tell me where this is?

JOHN

Yes. Elephant and Castle.

MIRALDA

Thank you so much. It was kind of you to
protect me from that horrid man. He wanted
to suffocate me.

JOHN

O, very glad to assist you, I'm sure. Very
glad.

MIRALDA

I should have been afraid to have done it in
spite of him. It was splendid of you.

JOHN

O, that was nothing.

MIRALDA

O, it was, really.

JOHN

Only too glad to help you in any little way.

MIRALDA

It was so kind of you.

JOHN

O, not at all.

[Silence for a bit.]

MIRALDA

I've nobody to help me.

JOHN

Er, er, haven't you really?

MIRALDA

No, nobody.

JOHN

I'd be very glad to help you in any little
way.

MIRALDA

I wonder if you could advise me.

JOHN

I--I'd do my best.

MIRALDA

You see, I have nobody to advise me.

JOHN

No, of course not.

MIRALDA

I live with my aunt, and she doesn't
understand. I've no father or mother.

JOHN

O, er, er, really?

MIRALDA

No. And an uncle died and he left me a
hundred thousand pounds.

JOHN

Really?

MIRALDA

Yes. He didn't like me. I think he did it
out of contrariness as much as anything.
He was always like that to me.

JOHN

Was he? Was he really?

MIRALDA

Yes. It was invested at twenty-five per
cent. He never liked me. Thought I was
too--I don't know what.

JOHN

No.

MIRALDA

That was five years ago, and I've never got
a penny of it.

JOHN

Really. But, but that's not right.

MIRALDA [sadly]

No.

JOHN

Where's it invested?

MIRALDA

In Al Shaldomir.

JOHN

Where's that?

MIRALDA

I don't quite know. I never was good at
geography. I never quite knew where Persia
ends.

JOHN

And what kind of an investment was it?

MIRALDA

There's a pass in some mountains that they
can get camels over, and a huge toll is levied
on everything that goes by; that is the custom
of the tribe that lives there, and I believe
the toll is regularly collected.

JOHN

And who gets it?

MIRALDA

The chief of the tribe. He is called Ben
Hussein. But my uncle lent him all this
money, and the toll on the camels was what
they call the security. They always carry
gold and turquoise, you know.

JOHN

Do they?

MIRALDA

Yes, they get it from the rivers.

JOHN

I see.

MIRALDA

It does seem a shame his not paying,
doesn't it?

JOHN

A shame? I should think it is. An awful
shame. Why, it's a crying shame. He ought
to go to prison.

MIRALDA

Yes, he ought. But you see it's so hard
to find him. It isn't as if it was this side of
Persia. It's being on the other side that is
such a pity. If only it was in a country like,
like . . .

JOHN

I'd soon find him. I'd . . . Why, a man
like that deserves anything.

MIRALDA

It is good of you to say that.

JOHN

Why, I'd . . . And you say you never
got a penny?

MIRALDA

No.

JOHN

Well, that is a shame. I call that a
downright shame.

MIRALDA

Now, what ought I to do?

JOHN

Do? Well, now, you know in business
there's nothing like being on the spot. When
you're on the spot you can--but then, of
course, it's so far.

MIRALDA

It is, isn't it?

JOHN

Still, I think you should go if you could.
If only I could offer to help you in any way,
I would gladly, but of course . . .

MIRALDA

What would you do?

JOHN

I'd go and find that Hussein fellow; and
then . . .

MIRALDA

Yes?

JOHN

Why, I'd tell him a bit about the law, and
make him see that you didn't keep all that
money that belonged to someone else.

MIRALDA

Would you really?

JOHN

Nothing would please me better.

MIRALDA

Would you really? Would you go all that
way?

JOHN

It's just the sort of thing that I should like,
apart from the crying shame. The man
ought to be . . .

MIRALDA

We're getting into Holborn. Would you
come and lunch somewhere with me and talk
it over?

JOHN

Gladly. I'd be glad to help. I've got to
see a man on business first. I've come up to
see him. And then after that, after that
there was something I wanted to do after that.
I can't think what it was. But something I
wanted to do after that. O, heavens, what
was it?

[Pause.]

MIRALDA

Can't you think?

JOHN

No. O, well, it can't have been so very
important. And yet . . . Well, where shall
we lunch?

MIRALDA

Gratzenheim's.

JOHN

Right. What time?

MIRALDA

One-thirty. Would that suit?

JOHN

Perfectly. I'd like to get a man like
Hussein in prison. I'd like . . . O, I beg your
pardon.

[He hurries to open the door. Exit
MIRALDA.]

Now what was it I wanted to do
afterwards?

[Throws hand to forehead.]
O, never mind.

Curtain _

Read next: ACT II: SCENE I

Read previous: ACT I: SCENE III

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