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Quo Vadis, by Henryk Sienkiewicz

CHAPTER XXX

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_ Caesar, on returning to Rome, was angry because he had returned,
and after some days was filled anew with a wish to visit Achaea.
He even issued an edict in which he declared that his absence
would be short, and that public affairs would not be exposed to
detriment because of it. In company with Augustians, among
whom was Vinicius, he repaired to the Capitol to make offerings
to the gods for an auspicious journey. But on the second day, when
he visited the temple of Vesta, an event took place which changed
all his projects. Nero feared the gods, though he did not believe in
them; he feared especially the mysterious Vesta, who filled him
with such awe that at sight of the divinity and the sacred fire his
hair rose on a sudden from terror, his teeth chattered, a shiver ran
through his limbs, and he dropped into the arms of Vinicius, who
happened there behind him. He was borne out of the temple at
once, and conveyed to the Palatine, where he recovered soon, but
did not leave the bed for that day. He declared, moreover, to the
great astonishment of those present, that he deferred his journey,
since the divinity had warned him secretly against haste. An hour
later it was announced throughout Rome that Caesar, seeing the
gloomy faces of the citizens, and moved by love for them, as a
father for his children, would remain to share their lot and their
pleasures. The people, rejoiced at this decision, and certain also
that they would not miss games and a distribution of wheat,
assembled in crowds before the gates of the Palatine, and raised
shouts in honor of the divine Caesar, who interrupted the play at
dice with which he was amusing himself with Augustians, and
said:

"Yes, there was need to defer the journey. Egypt, and predicted
dominion over the Orient, cannot escape me; hence Ach~a, too,
will not be lost. I will give command to cut through the isthmus of
Corinth; I will rear such monuments in Egypt that the pyramids
will seem childish toys in comparison; I will have a sphinx built
seven times greater than that which is gazing into the desert
outside Memphis; but I will command that it have my face.
Coming ages will speak only of that monument and of me."

"With thy verses thou hast reared a monument to thyself already,
not seven, but thrice seven, times greater than the pyramid of
Cheops," said Petronius.

"But with my song?" inquired Nero.

"Ah! if men could only build for thee a statue, like that of
Memnon, to call with thy voice at sunrise! For all ages to come the
seas adjoining Egypt would swarm with ships in which crowds
from the three parts of the world would be lost in listenmg to thy
song."

"Alas! who can do that?" said Nero.

"But thou canst give command to cut out of basalt thyself driving a
quadriga."

"True! I will do that!"

"Thou wilt bestow a gift on humanity."

"In Egypt 1 will marry the Moon, who is now a widow, and I shall
be a god really."

"And thou wilt give us stars for wives; we will make a new
constellation, which will be called the constellation of Nero. But
do thou marry Vitelius to the Nile, so that he may beget
hippopotamuses. Give the desert to Tigellinus, he will be king of
the jackals."

"And what dost thou predestine to me?" inquired Vatinius.

"Apis bless thee! Thou didst arrange such splendid games in
Beneventum that 1 cannot wish thee ill. Make a pair of boots for
the sphinx, whose paws must grow numb during night-dews; after
that thou will make sandals for the Colossi which form the alleys
before the temples. Each one will find there a fitting occupation.
Domitius Afer, for example, will be treasurer, since he is known
for his honesty. I am glad, Caesar, when thou art dreaming of
Egypt, and I am saddened because thou hast deferred thy plan of a
journey."

"Thy mortal eyes saw nothing, for the deity becomes invisible to
whomever it wishes," said Nero. "Know that when I was in the
temple of Vesta she herself stood near me, and whispered in my
ear, 'Defer the journey.' That happened so unexpectedly that I was
terrified, though for such an evident care of the gods for me I
should be thankful."

"We were all terrified," said Tigcllinus, "and the vestal Rubria
fainted."

"Rubria!" said Nero; "what a snowy neck she has!"

"But she blushed at sight of the divine Caesar --"

"True! I noticed that myself. That is wonderful. There is something
divine in every vestal, and Rubria is very beautiful.

"Tell me," said he, after a moment's meditation, "why people fear
Vesta more than other gods. What does this mean? Though I am
the chief priest, fear seized me to-day. I remember only that I was
falling back, and should have dropped to the ground had not some
one supported me. Who was it?"

"I," answered Vinicius.

"Oh, thou 'stern Mars'! Why wert thou not in Beneventum? They
told me that thou wert ill, and indeed thy face is changed. But I
heard that Crown wished to kill thee? Is that true?"

"It is, and he broke my arm; but I defended myself."

"With a broken arm?"

"A certain barbarian helped me; he was stronger than Croton."

Nero looked at him with astonishment. "Stronger than Croton? Art
thou jesting? Croton was the strongest of men, but now here is
Syphax from Ethiopia."

"I tell thee, Caesar, what I saw with my own eyes."

"Where is that pearl? Has he not become king of Nemi?"

"I cannot tell, Caesar. I lost sight of him."

"Thou knowest not even of what people he is?"

"I had a broken arm, and could not inquire for him."

"Seek him, and find him for me."

"I will occupy myself with that," said Tigellinus.

But Nero spoke further to Vinicius: "I thank thee for having
supported me; I might have broken my head by a fall. On a time
thou west a good companion, but campaigning and service with
Corbulo have made thee wild in some way; 1 see thee rarely.

"How is that maiden too narrow in the hips, with whom thou wert
in love," asked he after a while, "and whom I took from Aulus for
thee?"

Vinicius was confused, but Petronius came to his aid at that
moment. "I will lay a wager, lord," said he, "that he has forgotten.
Dost thou see his confusion? Ask him how many of them there
were since that time, and I will not give assurance of his power to
answer. The Vinicii are good soldiers, but still better gamecocks.
They need whole flocks. Punish him for that, lord, by not inviting
him to the feast which Tigellinus promises to arrange in thy honor
on the pond of Agrippa."

"I will not do that. I trust, Tigellinus, that flocks of beauty will not
be lacking there."

"Could the Graces be absent where Amor will be present?"
answered Tigellinus.

"Weariness tortures me," said Nero. "I have remained in Rome at
the will of the goddess, but I cannot endure the city. I will go to
Annum. I am stifled in these narrow streets, amid these
tumble-down houses, amid these alleys. Foul air flies even here to
my house and my gardens. Oh, if an earthquake would destroy
Rome, if some angry god would level it to the earth! I would show
how a city should be built, which is the head of the world and my
capital."

"Caesar," answered Tigellinus, "thou sayest, 'If some angry god
would destroy the city,' -- is it so?"

"It is! What then?"

"But art thou not a god?"

Nero waved his hand with an expression of weariness, and said, --
"We shall see thy work on the pond of Agrippa. Afterward I go to
Antium. Ye are all little, hence do not understand that I need
immense things."

Then he closed his eyes, giving to understand in that way that he
needed rest. In fact, the Augustians were beginning to depart.
Petronius went out with Vinicius, and said to him, -- "Thou art
invited, then, to share in the amusement. Bronzebeard has
renounced the journey, but he will be madder than ever; he has
fixed himself in the city as in his own house. Try thou, too, to find
in these madnesses amusement and forgetfulness. Well! we have
conquered the world, and have a right to amuse ourselves. Thou,
Marcus, art a very comely fellow, and to that I ascribe in part the
weakness which I have for thee. By the Ephesian Diana! if thou
couldst see thy joined brows, and thy face in which the ancient
blood of the Quirites is evident! Others near thee looked like
freedmen. True! were it not for that mad religion, Lygia would be
in thy house to-day. Attempt once more to prove to me that they
are not enemies of life and mankind. They have acted well toward
thee, hence thou mayst be grateful to them; but in thy place I
should detest that religion, and seek pleasure where I could find it.
Thou art a comely fellow, I repeat, and Rome is swarming with
divorced women."

"I wonder only that all this does not torture thee yet?"

"Who has told thee that it does not? It tortures me this long time,
but I am not of thy years. Besides, I have other attachments which
are lacking thee. I love books, thou hast no love for them; I love
poetry, which annoys thee; I love pottery, gems, a multitude of
things, at which thou dost not look; I have a pain in my loins,
which thou hast not; and, finally, I have found Eunice, but thou
hast found nothing similar. For me, it is pleasant in my house,
among masterpieces; of thee I can never make a man of aesthetic
feeling. I know that in life I shall never find anything beyond what
I have found; thou thyself knowest not that thou art hoping yet
continually, and seeking. If death were to visit thee, with all thy
courage and sadness, thou wouldst die with astonishment that it
was necessary to leave the world; but I should accept death as a
necessity, with the conviction that there is no fruit in the world
which I have not tasted. I do not hurry, neither shall I loiter; I shall
try merely to be joyful to the end. There are cheerful sceptics in
the world. For me, the Stoics are fools; but stoicism tempers men,
at least, while thy Christians bring sadness into the world, which in
life is the same as rain in nature. Dost thou know what I have
learned? That during the festivities which Tigellinus will arrange
at the pond of Agrippa, there will be lupanaria, and in them
women from the first houses of Rome. Will there be not even one
sufficiently beautiful to console thee? There will be maidens, too,
appearing in society for the first time -- as nymphs. Such is our
Roman Caesardom! The air is mild already; the midday breeze
will warm the water and not bring pimples on naked bodies. And
thou, Narcissus, know this, that there will not be one to refuse
thee, -- not one, even though she be a vestal virgin."

Vinicius began to strike his head with his palm, like a man
occupied eternally with one thought.

"I should need luck to find such a one."

"And who did this for thee, if not the Christians? But people whose
standard is a cross cannot be different. Listen to me: Greece was
beautiful, and created wisdom; we created power; and what, to thy
thinking, can this teaching create? If thou know, explain; for, by
Pollux! I cannot divine it."

"Thou art afraid, it seems, lest I become a Christian," said
Vinicius, shrugging his shoulders.

"I am afraid that thou hast spoiled life for thyself. If thou canst not
be a Grecian, be a Roman; possess and enjoy. Our madnesses have
a certain sense, for there is in them a kind of thought of our own. I
despise Bronzebeard, because he is a Greek buffoon. If he held
himself a Roman, I should recognize that he was right in
permitting himself madness. Promise me that if thou find some
Christian on returning home, thou wilt show thy tongue to him. If
he be Glaucus the physician, he will not wonder. -- Till we meet
on the pond of Agrippa." _

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