________________________________________________
_ ACT IV
SCENE I
Cleante, Tartuffe
Cleante.
Yes, the whole town is talking about it,
And they don't think it does you much credit.
And I've sought you out, sir, just for the sake
Of telling you bluntly what I think's at stake.
I'm not going to dredge up the whole dispute;
The fact is Damis is in disrepute.
Supposing that he did act like a fool
And that you are unfairly being called cruel,
Shouldn't a Christian pardon the offense
And purge his soul of desire for vengeance?
And should you permit him, for this one goof,
To be driven away from his father's roof?
I'll tell you again, and I'll be bold:
You are scandalizing both young and old.
If you take my advice, you will seek a truce
And not be a party to this boy's abuse.
Make an offering to God of your acrimony,
And restore the son to his patrimony.
Tartuffe.
Alas! As for myself, I seek that solace:
I do not have for him the slightest malice;
I wholly forgive him of any blame,
And long to restore him to his good name.
But in the service of God I can't permit
It, for if he remains I shall have to quit
This house. No prior offense holds a candle
To his. Our meeting would cause a huge scandal.
Lord only knows what people would assume!
They would impute it to cunning, I presume,
And say that my guilt has made me pretend
To excuse him of any intent to offend,
And that I fear him and wish to placate him
As a crafty move in my plan to checkmate him.
Cleante.
I think you are making up excuses,
And your arguments, monsieur, seem like ruses.
Must you assume the role of the Deity?
Does He need us to punish the guilty?
Leave it to Him to take care of vengeance;
He bids us to forgive every offense
And not to consider human judgments
When we follow God's sovereign commandments.
What? Should the petty fear of what some may say
Prevent you from doing this good deed today?
No, let us always follow God's commands,
And leave all other matters in His hands.
Tartuffe.
I've told you already that I forgive
Him, and that, sir, is God's directive.
But after such scandal and vituperation
God doesn't demand our cohabitation.
Cleante.
And does He demand that you lend your hand
To the pure caprice of the father's command,
And accept the gift of his whole estate
Which you cannot justly appropriate?
Tartuffe.
Those who know me will not believe that I'd
Do anything selfish or unjustified.
I hold worldly goods in quite low esteem.
I can't be dazzled by their phony gleam.
And if in the end I decide to take
The gift that the father wishes to make,
It is only, I swear, because I fear
That it could be left to a false profiteer,
Or that it could be shared by those who would
Use it to do evil rather than good,
And who would not use it, as I'm sure I can,
For the glory of God and one's fellow man.
Cleante.
Oh, sir! Don't put on that scrupulous air
While your actions injure a rightful heir.
Don't feel uneasy or risk your good health
By fretting about the perils of his wealth.
It is better spent on a young man's whim
Than that you be accused of defrauding him.
I only wonder why you aren't ashamed
By this proposal in which you are named.
In true religion is there some dictum
That says it's okay to make an heir your victim?
And if God has put some obstacle in place
Against you and Damis sharing the same space,
Wouldn't you prefer to be more discrete
And leave this house in a noble retreat
Than to sit and see the son of the house
Thrust from his home like a beggarly louse.
Believe me, it would prove your probity,
Monsieur, . . .
Tartuffe.
It is now, Monsieur, half past three:
Certain religious rites demand my presence,
And you must excuse me for my absence. [He leaves.]
Cleante.
Ah!
SCENE II
Elmire, Mariane, Dorine, Cleante
Dorine
[to Cleante].
Please, sir, help us help her, for pity's sake.
Her suffering is such that her heart may break,
And the pact her father made this evening
Is the cause of all this awful grieving.
Here he comes. Let's join forces, I beg you,
And try through skill or cunning to undo
The vicious scheme that's left us all so troubled.
SCENE III
Orgon, Elmire, Mariane, Cleante, Dorine
Orgon.
Ah! I'm pleased to see you all assembled.
[To Mariane]
This contract here should make you very gay;
I'm sure you know what I'm about to say.
Mariane
[kneeling].
In the name of God, who knows how I hurt,
And of everything which might move your heart,
Forgo, for now, the rights of paternity
And release me from my vow of docility.
Do not reduce me by some brutal rule
To asking God why you've grown so cruel.
And this life, alas, that you gave to me--
Do not make it a life of misery.
If, contrary to all my sweet hopes of
Joy, you forbid me to wed the man I love,
Hear me at least--on my knees I implore
You not to give me to a man I abhor,
And don't push me past the point of despair
By using your full force in this affair.
Orgon
[to himself, sensing himself weakening].
Be firm. This is no time for humanity!
Mariane.
Your fondness for him doesn't bother me.
Indulge it, and if it's not enough to consign
Your whole estate to him--then give him mine!
I freely consent and will sign on demand,
But please, please, do not offer him my hand,
And allow me to live in a convent where I
May count the sad days till God lets me die.
Orgon.
Young girls always play such religious pranks
When their fathers hobble their lusty flanks!
Get up! The harder you have to work to bear it,
The greater the virtue and the merit.
Let this marriage mortify your senses
And quit bothering me with your meek defenses.
Dorine.
But . . .
Orgon.
Keep quiet, and stay out of this matter.
I completely forbid you to add to the chatter.
Cleante.
If you will allow me to offer some advice . . .
Orgon. Brother, your advice is worth any price:
It is thoughtful and I truly respect it,
But I hope you don't mind if I reject it.
Elmire
[to her husband].
What can I think about what you're saying
Except that your blindness is quite dismaying!
You must be besotted and led astray
To refuse to believe what has happened today.
Orgon.
My dear, I only call 'em as I see 'em.
You favor my son, that worthless young bum,
And I think that you are afraid to condemn
His dirty trick on this most saintly of men.
You are, in fact, too calm to be believed;
You ought to have seemed a bit more aggrieved.
Elmire.
When a love-sick man makes a foolish mistake
Must we take up arms as if honor's at stake?
And should we always respond to small slips
With fire in our eyes and abuse on our lips?
For myself, I laugh at these signs of lust;
It doesn't please me at all to grow nonplussed.
I seek wisdom tempered with charity,
And I'm not one of those prudes whose asperity
Is such that they fight for virtue tooth and nail,
And scratch a man's eyes out for being male.
Heaven preserve me from that kind of virtue!
I am an honest wife, but not a shrew,
And I believe that a calm, icy glance
Is quite enough to rebuff an advance.
Orgon.
I know what I know and I won't change my mind.
Elmire.
I'm again amazed that you could be so blind.
But would you keep that incredulity
If I made you see that we have spoken truly?
Orgon.
See?
Elmire.
Yes.
Orgon.
Fantasy!
Elmire.
But if I found a way
To make you see it all in light of day?
Orgon.
Fairy tales!
Elmire.
What a man! At least reply.
I don't ask you to believe me, but I
Do wonder what you will say of your good man
If I bring you to a place where you can
Clearly see and hear these things? What then?
Orgon.
In that case I would say . . . nothing again,
For it cannot be.
Elmire.
You've been blind too long,
And in calling me a liar, you're wrong!
So for your pleasure, but with modesty,
I'll make you witness my veracity.
Orgon.
Good. I take you at your word. Now let's see
How in the world you will prove this to me.
Elmire
[to Dorine]. Bid him come to me.
Dorine
[to Elmire].
He's a crafty one
And perhaps he won't easily be undone.
Elmire
[to Dorine].
No, we're easily duped by our affection,
And vanity aids in our misdirection.
[Speaking to Cleante and Mariane]
Send him down here to me. And you can go.
SCENE IV
Elmire, Orgon
Elmire.
Bring the table here, and then crouch down low.
Orgon.
Why?
Elmire.
Hiding you well is to be desired.
Orgon.
Why under the table?
Elmire.
Just do what's required!
I've made my plans and we'll see how they fare!
Get under the table, and when you're down there,
Don't let him see you and try not to grunt.
Orgon.
I really think I'm far too tolerant,
But I'll stay through the end of your stratagem.
Elmire.
You won't, I'm sure, have a thing to condemn.
[To her husband, who is now under the table.]
Mind you, I'm going to have strange things to say
And you must not be shocked in any way.
Whatever I may say, you must allow;
I only wish to convince you, anyhow.
I'm going to use sex, since I'm reduced to it,
To strip off the cloak of this hypocrite;
I'll stoke up the fires of his insolent heart
And give a free field to this base upstart.
For your sake and to deepen his disrepute
I'm going to pretend to welcome his suit.
I'll quit just as soon as you've heard enough.
Things needn't go farther than you wish, my love.
And you must stop them from becoming bizarre
When you think his mad love has gone too far.
Spare your wife and don't leave me in his hands
Longer than reaching your conviction demands.
This is your concern and you are in command.
Here he comes. Keep still! Keep down! Understand?
SCENE V
Tartuffe, Elmire, Orgon (under the table)
Tartuffe.
You wish to speak with me in here, I'm told.
Elmire.
Yes. I now have some secrets to unfold,
But shut the door before I say a word
And look around--we mustn't be overheard.
[Tartuffe closes the door and returns.]
I don't want another fracas to ensue
Like the one that overtook us hitherto.
Never before have I been so dismayed!
Damis startled me and made me afraid
For you. You must have seen that I did my best
To disrupt his plan and soothe his unrest.
It is true that I was so filled with shame
That I never thought of denying his claim,
But by the grace of God, I'm nearly sure
All is for the best and we're now more secure.
The prestige of your name has dispelled the storm,
And my husband will never suspect you of harm.
Defying those with rumors to foment,
He wants us together at every moment.
And that is why without blame I can
Be alone with you although you're a man,
And that allows me to open my heart
Willingly to the sweet thoughts you impart.
Tartuffe.
I find it odd that you have kind words to say;
Earlier you treated me in a different way.
Elmire.
Ah! If you're angry about that rebuff,
You know nothing about a woman's love!
And how little you know about our intent
If you think a weak defense is really meant!
At such times our modesty must contend
With the tender feelings that triumph in the end.
No matter how strongly you make love's claim,
In embracing it we always feel some shame.
We resist at first, but in our faces
It's clear that we'll soon yield to your embraces.
Our words and our wishes are often opposed:
A refusal may mean we accept what's proposed.
No doubt I am making too free a confession
And I may be committing an indiscretion,
But since my attempt at silence has gone awry,
Ask yourself why I sought to pacify
Damis, and what made me listen so long
And so kindly to your sweet love song?
Would I have reacted as you saw me do
If the offer of your heart didn't please me too?
And what should you be able to conclude
From my fervent desire to preclude
The marriage that has been announced just now?
Isn't it that I'd hate for a wedding vow
To come between us, and that I care for you
And want nothing at all to split us in two?
Tartuffe.
There is no pleasure in Heaven above
Sweeter than such words from the lips I love;
Their honeyed sound flows richly through my senses
With the sweetness of the purest essences.
The pleasure of pleasing you is my one goal,
And my heart finds happiness in that role,
But that heart also takes the slight liberty
Of daring to doubt this felicity.
Perhaps these sweet words are a decorous ruse
Designed to disrupt my hymeneal news;
And, if I may speak quite freely with you,
I won't believe that all you say is true
Until I'm assured that you couldn't lie
By a few of those favors for which I sigh.
Such favors would make me your devotee
And a true believer in your fondness for me.
Elmire
[she coughs to warn her husband].
Do you demand to push on with such great speed,
And drain my heart dry by your burning need?
I risk my life in proclaiming my love,
And for you even that is not enough!
Can't you be satisfied with what I say?
Must you force me into going all the way?
Tartuffe.
The less one merits, the more one desires.
Mere words will never quench our raging fires.
A promised gift is often suspected;
We rarely believe it, until we inspect it.
I, who so little merit your favors,
Doubt the happy outcome of my of labors.
And I will not believe a thing, my dear,
Until you ease my pain to prove you're sincere.
Elmire.
Good God, your love is too oppressive;
It troubles my soul and becomes obsessive!
What a crazy power it has on the heart!
With what fierce passion it tears me apart!
What! Is there no way to stave off your desire?
Won't you give me a moment to respire?
Do you think it is fair to be so firm,
To demand everything and watch me squirm,
To take what you want, pushing and pressing,
And abusing my weakness in acquiescing?
Tartuffe.
If you look on me with a kindly heart,
Then prove how you feel by playing your part.
Elmire.
But how can I give you the things you seek
Without offending that God of whom you speak?
Tartuffe.
If it's only God that opposes my desire,
I'll think up a way to make him conspire,
And that need not restrain your heart, my dear.
Elmire.
But the decrees of God scare me to tears.
Tartuffe.
I can dispel your foolish fears, madame,
For I know the art of quashing each qualm.
Though God forbids certain gratifications,
With him one can reach one's accommodations.
It is a science to stretch out the strings
Of conscience in the service of diverse things
And to rectify an evil action
With the purity of our intention.
Regarding these secrets, I shall instruct you;
You need only allow me to conduct you.
Satisfy my desire and have no fear;
I'll assume the sin and leave your soul clear.
[Elmire coughs more loudly.]
That's quite a cough, madame.
Elmire.
Yes, it's a torment.
Tartuffe
[offering Elmire a piece of candy].
Would it help to have a licorice or mint?
Elmire.
It's an obstinate illness, and I see
That all the mints in the world won't help me
Tartuffe.
It's certainly troublesome.
Elmire.
That's for sure!
Tartuffe.
Your scruples at least are easy to cure:
You can be sure that I will keep things quiet--
A deed is evil only if men spy it.
The noise of scandal is the source of offense;
There is no sin if one sins in silence.
Elmire
[after having coughed and knocked on the table].
At last I see I'm forced to go astray,
And I must consent to let you have your way,
And that I cannot hope that short of the deed
You will be content and willing to concede.
It is very hard to be forced to do it,
And in spite of myself to stoop down to it;
But since you persist in making me obey,
Since you refuse to believe what I say,
And since you demand more convincing proof,
I'll have to give in and quit acting aloof.
If this action causes anyone grief,
The blame be on him who refused all relief.
The fault most certainly is none of mine.
Tartuffe.
Yes, madame, I agree and that is fine . . .
Elmire.
Peek out of the door and see, I beg you,
If my spouse is spying on our rendezvous.
Tartuffe.
Why do you care what he sees or where he goes?
He's a man who loves to be led by the nose.
Our trysts are something he's proud of achieving,
And he'd watch us go to it without believing.
Elmire.
No matter. Please, go have a look outside;
I'd hate to think he's found some place to hide.
SCENE VI
Orgon, Elmire
Orgon
[coming out from under the table].
There, I swear, is an abominable man!
I can't get over it. What is his plan?
Elmire.
How now? Come out so soon? Were you having fun?
Get back down there. We've only just begun.
Wait till the end to be completely sure,
And don't put your faith in mere conjecture.
Orgon.
No man more evil has been spawned in Hell.
Elmire.
Dear Lord! Don't believe the lies people tell.
Be wholly convinced before you concede:
Cautious men shun the slips that come with speed.
[She pushes her husband behind her.]
SCENE VII
Tartuffe, Elmire, Orgon
Tartuffe
[without seeing Orgon].
All things conspire, madame, for my contentment:
I've closely examined the whole apartment;
No one is around, and my heart's delight. . .
[Just as Tartuffe comes forward with open arms to embrace Elmire,
she steps back and Tartuffe sees Orgon.]
Orgon
[stopping him].
Hold on! Your desires are too quick to ignite,
And you mustn't let passion be overdone.
Oh! Man of blessings, you wished to give me one!
How temptation has taken over your life!
You'd marry my daughter, and covet my wife!
I've doubted your word for quite a long while,
And I've always believed you'd change your style;
But this is enough to give me my proof:
I am fed up and want no more, Tartuffe.
Elmire
[to Tartuffe].
It was against my will to act this way,
But I was forced into the part I play.
Tartuffe
[to Orgon].
What? You think . . .
Orgon.
Come, please, let's have no to-do.
Get out of my home without more ado.
Tartuffe.
My intent . . .
Orgon.
This is no time for sly repartee;
You must leave my house immediately.
Tartuffe.
You must leave, you who speak as the master:
The house is mine, and you'd better learn fast or
I will show you that it's senseless to pick
A fight with me using this cowardly trick,
That it will get you nowhere to insult me,
And that I will punish your falsity,
Avenge God's wounds, and make you grieve
For talking here about forcing me to leave.
SCENE VIII
Elmire, Orgon
Elmire.
What is he saying and what is he after?
Orgon.
I'm ashamed to say this is no time for laughter.
Elmire.
Why?
Orgon.
I see my error by what he said;
I gave him my lands. Something's wrong with my head!
Elmire.
You gave him . . .
Orgon.
Yes and they can't be restored,
But there's something else that troubles me more.
Elmire.
What is that?
Orgon.
I'll tell you soon, but first there's
A certain box I want to find upstairs. _
Read next: Act 5
Read previous: Act 3
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