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The Mischief Maker, a novel by E. Phillips Oppenheim |
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Book 1 - Chapter 17. Kendricks Is Host |
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_ BOOK ONE CHAPTER XVII. KENDRICKS IS HOST "You are going to spend," Kendricks declared, "a democratic evening. You are going to mix with common folk. To-night we shall drink no champagne at forty francs the bottle. On the other hand, we shall probably drink a great deal more beer than is good for us. How do you find the atmosphere here?" "Filthy!" "I was afraid you might notice it," Kendricks remarked. "Never mind, presently you will forget it. You have never been here before, I presume?" "I have not," Julien agreed. "I daresay I shall find it interesting. You wouldn't describe it as quiet, would you?" "One does not eat quietly here," Kendricks replied. "Four hundred people, mostly Germans, when they eat are never silent. The service of four hundred dinners continues at the same time. Listen to them. Close your eyes and you will appreciate the true music of crockery." "If that infernal little band would keep quiet," Julien grumbled, "one might hear oneself talk!" "Let us have no more criticisms," Kendricks begged. "To-night you are of the working class. You may perhaps be a small manufacturer, the agent of a manufacturing firm in the country, a clerk with a moderate salary, or a mechanic in his best clothes. Remember that and do not complain of the music. You do not hear it every day. Let us hear no more blase speeches, if you please.... Good! The dinner arrives. We dine here, my friend, for two francs. You will probably require another meal before the evening is concluded. On the other hand, you may feel that you never require another meal as long as you live. That is a matter of luck. In any case, you had better squeeze a little further up. Madame and her two daughters are going to sit next to you, and opposite there will be monsieur, and I judge the fiance of one of the young ladies. It will be a family party. If there is anything in that dish of _hors d'oeuvres_ which you fancy particularly, help yourself quickly. In a moment or two there will be no opportunity." The two men were seated opposite one another at a long table in a huge popular restaurant in the heart of the city. It was Kendricks' plan--Kendricks, in fact, had insisted upon it. "You know, my dear Julien," he continued, "a certain education is necessary for you. If only I had a little more time I should be invaluable. You have taken all your life too narrow a view. That wretched Eton training! You would have been better off at a board-school. We all should." "You were at Winchester yourself," Julien reminded him, trying some of the bread and approving of it. "For a short time only," Kendricks admitted, "and then you forget the years after which I spent in the byways. Oh, I know my people! I know the common people of America and England and France and Germany. I know them and love them. I love the middle classes, too, the honestly vulgar, honestly snobbish, foolishly ambitious, yet over-cautious middle class. The extreme types of every nation lose their racial individuality. You find the true thing only among the bourgeoisie. Oh, if I only knew whether these people," he added, "understood English!" "You must not risk it," Julien warned him. "Madame has already her eye upon you." "As a possible suitor for that unmated daughter on her right, I suspect," Kendricks declared. "The young lady has looked at me twice and down at her plate. Julien, you must change places." "I shall do nothing of the sort," Julien retorted. "If I ingratiate myself with this family and trouble comes of it," Kendricks continued, "the fault will be yours. Madame," he added, standing up and bowing, "will you permit me?" Madame had been looking at the bread. Kendricks gallantly offered it. Madame's bows and smiles were a thing delightful to behold. Mademoiselle, too, would take bread, if monsieur was so kind. When Kendricks sat down again, the way was paved for general conversation. Julien, however, practically buttonholed his friend. "Kendricks," he said, "you have told me nothing about England." "There is little to tell," Kendricks replied. "The little there is will filter from me during the evening. We are spending a long evening together, you know, Julien." "Heavens alive!" Julien groaned. "I am not sure that I am strong enough." "Eat that soup," Kendricks advised him. "That, at least, is sustaining. Never mind stirring it up to see what vegetables are at the bottom. Take my word for it, it is good. And leave the pepper-pot alone. How the people crowd in! You perceive the commercial traveler with a customer? How they talk about that last order! The fat man facing you puzzles me. I wish I could know the occupation of our neighbors. I am curious." "I should ask them," Julien suggested dryly. "An idea!" Kendricks assented approvingly. "Let us wait until they have drunk the free wine. You understand, my dear Julien, that you pay nothing for that flask which stands by your side? It comes with the dinner. It is free." Julien helped himself, and sipped it thoughtfully. "At least," he murmured, as he set his glass down, "one is thankful that we do not pay for it!" "There are some," Kendricks remarked, "who prefer beer. Personally, I like to preserve my local color. _Vin ordinaire_ in Paris, beer in Germany. Madame!" Kendricks had caught madame's eye with the glass at his lips. He rose at once and bowed. Madame acknowledged his graciousness with a huge smile, which spread even to her double chin. Monsieur leaned forward and joined in the ceremony. Mademoiselle, after a timid glance at her mother, also responded. Kendricks' character as an Englishman of gallantry was thoroughly established. "I am doing our national character good," he declared to Julien, as he set down his glass empty. "As to my own constitution--but let that pass. We will drown this stuff in honest beer, later on. How are you getting on with the fish?" "It is excellent--really excellent," Julien proclaimed. "Do you mean to say seriously that you are going to pay only two francs each for this repast?" "Not a centime more," Kendricks assured him. "Do you know why I brought you here?" "Part of my education, I suppose," Julien replied resignedly. "Quite true. Further than that, I am here on business for my paper. I am here to study the effect of the German invasion of Paris. This place is being spoken of as being the haunt of Germans. It still seems to me that I find plenty of the real French people." "Do we pursue your investigations elsewhere during the course of the evening?" Julien inquired. "The whole of our evening," Kendricks told him, "is devoted to that purpose, and incidentally," he added, "to your education. We are going for red-blooded pleasure to-night, for the real thing,--for the hearty laughs, for the wholesome appetites; no caviare sandwiches, over-dry champagne, rouged lips and Rue de la Paix hats for us. If we make love, we make love honestly. Mademoiselle may permit a clasp of her hand--no more." "So far," Julien remarked, "mademoiselle--" "That is for later," Kendricks interrupted briskly. "We shall go to a singing-hall--a German singing-hall. The mademoiselles whom we meet will probably have their own sweethearts. Somehow, to-night I fancy that we shall be lookers-on. What does it matter? We shall at least see life. We shall catch the shadows of other people's happinesses. It is, I believe, the sincerest form. The chicken, dear Julien,--what of the chicken?" Julien hesitated. "There is little to be said against it," he confessed. "The only trouble is that it fails to arrive." Kendricks summoned a waiter, a task of no inconsiderable difficulty, for the service was automatic--the dishes were set upon the table and the waiter disappeared for the next lot. Anything intervening was almost impossible. Monsieur, Kendricks declared, pointing indignantly across the table, had not been served with chicken! The waiter shook his head. It was unheard of! Monsieur had probably had his chicken and forgotten it. The chicken had been brought, two portions. There was no doubt about it. But where then had the chicken been hidden? Kendricks became fluent. He looked under the table. He pointed to his friend's empty plate. The waiter, only half convinced, departed with a vague promise. Kendricks sipped his wine. "It is a regrettable incident," he declared, "but in the excitement of conversation, Julien, I ate both portions of chicken." He had lapsed into French, the language in which he had argued with the waiter. Madame was overcome with the humor of the affair. Mademoiselle tittered as she leaned across and told her fiance. The unattached mademoiselle looked her sympathy with Julien. Monsieur saw the joke and laughed heartily. They looked reproachfully at Kendricks. To them it was indeed a tragedy! "Madame," Kendricks explained, "it is not my custom to be so greedy. The waiter set both portions before me, meaning, without doubt, that I should pass one to my friend. Alas! in the pleasure of conversation in these delightful surroundings,"--he bowed low to mademoiselle--"something, I don't know what it was, carried me away, and I ate and ate until both portions were vanished. Ah!" he exclaimed. "Triumph! The waiter returns. He brings chicken, too, for my friend. Garcon, you have done well. You shall be rewarded. It is excellent." The waiter, still with a protesting air, passed up the chicken. The little party was convulsed with merriment. They all watched Julien eat his tardy course. Kendricks, with an air of recklessness, sipped more wine. "I flatter myself," he said, "that before very long I shall have taught you to forget that you were ever a Cabinet Minister, that you were ever at Eton, that you were ever at Oxford. One does not live in those places, you know, Julien. One shrivels instead of expands.... My friend, we have dined." "Is there nothing more?" Julien asked. "There is fruit," Kendricks admitted. "It was in my mind to spare you the fruit. I see it to right and left of us being handed around--nuts, a banana, apples whose exterior I trust is misleading. Never mind, you have desired fruit and you shall have it. Waiter, monsieur desires his fruit." The waiter disappeared and in a moment or two Julien was served. "Coffee, if you will?" "No coffee, thanks," Julien decided. "If we are really going to spend the evening visiting places of entertainment of a similar class, let us reserve our coffee. A large cigar, I think." Kendricks sighed. "I hate to go. Mademoiselle opposite is pleased with me. I have made a good impression upon madame. Monsieur is ready to extend to me the right hand of fellowship. One of those pleasing little romances one dreams about might here find a commencement. In a week's time I might be accepted as a son-in-law of the house. I see all the signs of assent already beaming in madame's eye. Perhaps we had better go, Julien!" They took their leave, not without the exchange of many smiles and bows with the little family party they left behind. They walked slowly down the room, arm in arm. "We were fortunate, you see, in our neighbors," Kendricks declared. "There are Germans everywhere here. One is curious about these people. One wonders how far they have imbibed the manners and customs of the people among whom they live. Are they still absolutely and entirely Teutons, do you suppose? Do they intermarry here, make friends, or do they remain an alien element?" "To judge by appearances," Julien remarked, "they remain an alien element. It is astonishing how seldom you see mixed parties of French people and Germans here." "It is exactly to make observations upon that point that I am in Paris," Kendricks asserted. "My people are curious. They want me to watch and write about it. Do you know that there is a feeling in London, Julien, that we are reaching the climax?" Julien nodded. "I can quite believe it," he replied. "Falkenberg seems to show every desire to force our hand." "May the Lord deliver us from a Germanized Paris!" Kendricks prayed. "They may have the Ritz, if they will, and the Elysees Palace. They may have all the halls of fashion and gilt and wealth. They may swamp the Pre Catelan and the Armenonville, so long as they leave us the real Paris. Come, we take our coffee here. This is a German cafe, if you like. Never mind, let us see if by chance any French people have wandered in." They drank coffee at a little table in a huge building, hung with tobacco smoke, with the inevitable band at one end, and crowded with people. Kendricks smiled as the waiter brought them sugared cakes with their coffee. "It is Germany," he declared. "Look! An odd Frenchman or two, perhaps; no French women. Look at the hats, the women's faces. The hats looked well enough in the shop-windows here. What an ignoble end for them! From an aesthetic point of view, Julien, nothing is more terrible than the domesticity of the German. If only he could be persuaded to leave his wife at home! Think how much more attractive it would make these places. He would have more money to spend upon himself, upon his own beer and his own pretzels, and in time, no doubt, a lonely feeling, a feeling of sentiment, would overpower him, and the vacant chair would be filled by one of these vivacious little women who might teach him in time that blood was meant to flow, not to ooze like mud." "I shall begin to think," Julien remarked, "that you don't like Germans." "There you are wrong," Kendricks replied. "In their own country I like them. They have all the good qualities. Germany for the Germans, I should say always, and me for any other country. We have drunk our coffee. Let us go." They passed on to a music-hall, where they listened to a mixed performance and drank beer out of long glasses, served to them by a distinctly Teutonic waiter. Greatly to Kendricks' annoyance, however, they were surrounded by English and Americans, and were too tightly packed in to change their seats. On the way out, however, he suddenly beamed. "Behold!" he exclaimed. He swept his hat from his head. It was their companions at the dinner table. Madame was pleased to remember him, also mademoiselle. "I shall invite them to supper," Kendricks declared. "If you do," Julien retorted, "I shall go home." Kendricks heaved a long sigh as he regretfully let them pass by. "It's just a touch of Oxford left in you," he complained. "For myself, I know that madame would be excellent company, and I am perfectly certain that mademoiselle would let me whisper--discreetly--in her ear. Alas! it is a lost opportunity, and from here we go--to who knows what?" He was suddenly serious. Julien looked at him in surprise. They were standing on the pavement outside. Kendricks consulted his watch. "You have courage, I know, my friend," he said. "That is one reason why I choose you for my companion to-night. I have two tickets for a German socialist gathering here. The tickets were obtained with extraordinary difficulty. I know that your German is pure and I can trust to my own. From this minute, not a word in any other language, if you please." "I am really not sure," Julien objected, "that I want to go to a German socialist meeting. In any case, I am hungry." "Hungry!" Kendricks exclaimed. "Hungry! What ingratitude! But be calm, my friend," he added, taking Julien's arm, "there will be sausages and beer where we are going." "In that case," Julien agreed, "I am with you. Which way?" "Almost opposite us," Kendricks declared. "Come along." They paused outside a brilliantly lit cafe with a German name. Julien looked at it doubtfully. "Surely they don't hold meetings in a place like this?" he muttered. Kendricks lowered his voice. "We go into the cafe first," he said. "The meeting is in a private room. Come." They pushed open the swinging doors and entered the place. _ |
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