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A Modern Chronicle, a novel by Winston Churchill |
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Book 1 - Chapter 11. What Might Have Been |
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_ BOOK I CHAPTER XI. WHAT MIGHT HAVE BEEN Honora sat still upon the bench. After an indefinite period she saw through the trees a vehicle on the driveway, and in it a single passenger. And suddenly it occurred to her that the passenger must be Peter, for Mrs. Holt had announced her intention of sending for him. She arose and approached the house, not without a sense of agitation. She halted a moment at a little distance from the porch, where he was talking with Howard Spence and Joshua, and the fact that he was an unchanged Peter came to her with a shock of surprise. So much, in less than a year, had happened to Honora! And the sight of him, and the sound of his voice, brought back with a rush memories of a forgotten past. How long it seemed since she had lived in St. Louis! Yes, he was the same Peter, but her absence from him had served to sharpen her sense of certain characteristics. He was lounging in his chair with his long legs crossed, with one hand in his pocket, and talking to these men as though he had known them always. There was a quality about him which had never struck her before, and which eluded exact definition. It had never occurred to her, until now, when she saw him out of the element with which she had always associated him, that Peter Erwin had a personality. That personality was a mixture of simplicity and self-respect and--common sense. And as Honora listened to his cheerful voice, she perceived that he had the gift of expressing himself clearly and forcibly and withal modestly; nor did it escape her that the other two men were listening with a certain deference. In her sensitive state she tried to evade the contrast thus suddenly presented to her between Peter and the man she had promised, that very morning, to marry. Howard Spence was seated on the table, smoking a cigarette. Never, it seemed, had he more distinctly typified to her Prosperity. An attribute which she had admired in him, of strife without the appearance of strife, lost something of its value. To look at Peter was to wonder whether there could be such a thing as a well-groomed combatant; and until to-day she had never thought of Peter as a combatant. The sight of his lean face summoned, all undesired, the vague vision of an ideal, and perhaps it was this that caused her voice to falter a little as she came forward and called his name. He rose precipitately. "What a surprise, Peter!" she said, as she took his hand. "How do you happen to be in the East?" "An errand boy," he replied. "Somebody had to come, so they chose me. Incidentally," he added, smiling down at her, "it is a part of my education." "We thought you were lost," said Howard Spence, significantly. "Oh, no," she answered lightly, evading his look. "I was on the bench at the edge of the wood." She turned again to Peter. "How good of you to come up and see me!" "I couldn't have resisted that," he declared, "if it were only for an hour." "I've been trying to persuade him to stay a while with us," Joshua put in with unusual graciousness. "My mother will be disappointed not to see you." "There is nothing I should like better, Mr. Holt," said Peter, simply, gazing off across the lawn. "Unfortunately I have to leave for the West to-night." "Before you go," said Honora, "you must see this wonderful place. Come, we'll begin with the garden." She had a desire now to take him away by himself, something she had wished, an hour ago, to avoid. "Wouldn't you like a runabout?" suggested Joshua, hospitably. Honora thanked him. "I'm sure Mr. Erwin would rather walk," she replied. "Come, Peter, you must tell me all the news of home." Spence accepted his dismissal with a fairly good grace, and gave no evidence of jealousy. He put his hand on Peter's shoulder. "If you're ever in New York, Erwin," said he, "look me up Dallam and Spence. We're members of the Exchange, so you won't have any trouble in finding us. I'd like to talk to you sometime about the West." Peter thanked him. For a little while, as they went down the driveway side by side, he was meditatively silent. She wondered what he thought of Howard Spence, until suddenly she remembered that her secret was still her own, that Peter had as yet no particular reason to single out Mr. Spence for especial consideration. She could not, however, resist saying, "New Yorkers are like that." "Like what?" he asked. She coloured. "Like--Mr. Spence. A little--self-assertive, sure of themselves." She strove to keep out of her voice any suspicion of the agitation which was the result of the events of an extraordinary day, not yet ended. She knew that it would have been wiser not to have mentioned Howard; but Peter's silence, somehow, had impelled her to speak. "He has made quite an unusual success for so young a man." Peter looked at her and shook his head. "New York--success! What is to become of poor old St. Louis?" he inquired. "Oh, I'm going back next week," Honora cried. "I wish I were going with you." "And leave all this," he said incredulously, "for trolley rides and Forest Park and--and me?" He stopped in the garden path and looked upon the picture she made standing in the sunlight against the blazing borders, her wide hat casting a shadow on her face. And the smile which she had known so well since childhood, indulgent, quizzical, with a touch of sadness, was in his eyes. She was conscious of a slight resentment. Was there, in fact, no change in her as the result of the events of those momentous ten months since she had seen him? And rather than a tolerance in which there was neither antagonism nor envy, she would have preferred from Peter an open disapproval of luxury, of the standards which he implied were hers. She felt that she had stepped into another world, but he refused to be dazzled by it. He insisted upon treating her as the same Honora. "How did you leave Uncle Tom and Aunt Mary?" she asked. They were counting the days, he said, until she should return, but they did not wish to curtail her visit. They did not expect her next week, he knew. Honora coloured again. "I feel--that I ought to go to them," she said. He glanced at her as though her determination to leave Silverdale so soon surprised him. "They will be very happy to see you, Honora," he said. "They have been very lonesome." She softened. Some unaccountable impulse prompted her to ask: "And you? Have you missed me--a little?" He did not answer, and she saw that he was profoundly affected. She laid a hand upon his arm. "Oh, Peter, I didn't mean that," she cried. "I know you have. And I have missed you--terribly. It seems so strange seeing you here," she went on hurriedly. "There are so many' things I want to show you. Tell me how it happened hat you came on to New York." "Somebody in the firm had to come," he said. "In the firm!" she repeated. She did not grasp the full meaning of this change in his status, but she remembered that Uncle Tom had predicted it one day, and that it was an honour. "I never knew any one so secretive about their own affairs! Why didn't you write me you had been admitted to the firm? So you are a partner of Judge Brice." "Brice, Graves, and Erwin," said Peter; "it sounds very grand, doesn't it? I can't get used to it myself." "And what made you call yourself an errand boy?" she exclaimed reproachfully. "When I go back to the house I intend to tell Joshua Holt and--and Mr. Spence that you are a great lawyer." Peter laughed. "You'd better wait a few years before you say that," said he. He took an interest in everything he saw, in Mr. Holt's flowers, in Joshua's cow barn, which they traversed, and declared, if he were ever rich enough, he would live in the country. They walked around the pond,--fringed now with yellow water-lilies on their floating green pads,--through the woods, and when the shadows were lengthening came out at the little summer-house over the valley of Silver Brook--the scene of that first memorable encounter with the Vicomte. At the sight of it the episode, and much else of recent happening, rushed back into Honora's mind, and she realized with suddenness that she had, in his companionship, unconsciously been led far afield and in pleasant places. Comparisons seemed inevitable. She watched him with an unwonted tugging at her heart as he stood for a long time by the edge of the railing, gazing over the tree-tops of the valley towards the distant hazy hills. Nor did she understand what it was in him that now, on this day of days when she had definitely cast the die of life, when she had chosen her path, aroused this strange emotion. Why had she never felt it before? She had thought his face homely--now it seemed to shine with a transfiguring light. She recalled, with a pang, that she had criticised his clothes: to-day they seemed the expression of the man himself. Incredible is the range of human emotion! She felt a longing to throw herself into his arms, and to weep there. He turned at length from the view. "How wonderful!" he said. "I didn't know--you cared for nature so much, Peter." He looked at her strangely and put out his hand and drew her, unresisting, to the bench beside him. "Are you in trouble, Honora?" he asked. "Oh, no," she cried, "oh, no, I am--very happy." "You may have thought it odd that I should have come here without knowing Mrs. Holt," he said gravely, "particularly when you were going home so soon. I do not know myself why I came. I am a matter-of-fact person, but I acted on an impulse." "An impulse!" she faltered, avoiding the troubled, searching look in his eyes. "Yes," he said, "an impulse. I can call it by no other name. I should have taken a train that leaves New York at noon; but I had a feeling this morning, which seemed almost like a presentiment, that I might be of some use to you." "This morning?" She felt herself trembling, and she scarcely recognized Peter with such words on his lips. "I am happy--indeed I am. Only--I am overwrought--seeing you again--and you made me think of home." "It was no doubt very foolish of me," he declared. "And if my coming has upset you--" "Oh, no," she cried. "Please don't think so. It has given me a sense of--of security. That you were ready to help me if--if I needed you." "You should always have known that," he replied. He rose and stood gazing off down the valley once more, and she watched him with her heart beating, with a sense of an impending crisis which she seemed powerless to stave off. And presently he turned to her, "Honora, I have loved you for many years," he said. "You were too young for me to speak of it. I did not intend to speak of it when I came here to-day. For many years I have hoped that some day you might be my wife. My one fear has been that I might lose you. Perhaps--perhaps it has been a dream. But I am willing to wait, should you wish to see more of the world. You are young yet, and I am offering myself for all time. There is no other woman for me, and never can be." He paused and smiled down at her. But she did not speak. She could not. "I know," he went on, "that you are ambitious. And with your gifts I do not blame you. I cannot offer you great wealth, but I say with confidence that I can offer you something better, something surer. I can take care of you and protect you, and I will devote my life to your happiness. Will you marry me?" Her eyes were sparkling with tears,--tears, he remembered afterwards, that were like blue diamonds. "Oh, Peter," she cried, "I wish I could! I have always--wished that I could. I can't." "You can't?" She shook her head. "I--I have told no one yet--not even Aunt Mary. I am going to marry Mr. Spence." For a long time he was silent, and she did not dare to look at the suffering in his face. "Honora," he said at last, "my most earnest wish in life will be for your happiness. And whatever may, come to you I hope that you will remember that I am your friend, to be counted on. And that I shall not change. Will you remember that?" "Yes," she whispered. She looked at him now, and through the veil of her tears she seemed to see his soul shining in his eyes. The tones of a distant church bell were borne to them on the valley breeze. Peter glanced at his watch. "I am afraid," he said, "that I haven't time to go back to the house--my train goes at seven. Can I get down to the village through the valley?" Honora pointed out the road, faintly perceptible through the trees beneath them. "And you will apologize for my departure to Mrs. Holt?" She nodded. He took her hand, pressed it, and was gone. And presently, in a little clearing far below, he turned and waved his hat at her bravely. _ |
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