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The Monikins, a novel by James Fenimore Cooper |
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Chapter 16. An Inn--Debts Paid In Advance... |
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_ CHAPTER XVI. AN INN--DEBTS PAID IN ADVANCE, AND A SINGULAR TOUCH OF HUMAN NATURE FOUND CLOSELY INCORPORATED WITH MONIKIN NATURE
"This seems all right," I observed to Noah; but I am, at this moment, as penniless as the good woman herself. I really do not see what we are to do, unless Bob sends her back his store of nuts--" "Harkee, my nimble-go-hop," put in the seaman, "what is your pleasure?" The waiter referred to the bill, as expressing his mistress's wants. "What are these p. p. that I find noted in the bill--play or pay, hey?" "Promises, of course, your honor." "Oh! then you desire fifty promises, to provide our dinner." "Nothing more, sir. With that sum you shall dine like noblemen--ay, sir, like aldermen." I was delighted to find that this worthy class of beings have the same propensities in all countries. "Here, take a hundred," answered Noah, snapping his fingers, "and make no bones of it. And harkee, my worthy--lay out every farthing of them in the fare. Let there be good cheer, and no one will grumble at the bill. I am ready to buy the inn, and all it holds, at need." The waiter departed well satisfied with these assurances, and apparently in the anticipation of good vails for his own trouble. We soon got into the current that was setting towards our place of destination. On reaching the gate, we found that we were anxiously expected; for there was an attendant in waiting, who instantly conducted us to the seats that were provided for our special reception. It is always agreeable to be among the privileged, and I must own that we were all not a little flattered, on finding that an elevated tribune had been prepared for us, in the centre of the rotunda in which the academy held its sittings, so that we could see, and be seen by, every individual of the crowded assembly. The whole crew, even to the negro cook, had preceded us; an additional compliment, that I did not fail to acknowledge by suitable salutations to all the members present. After the first feelings of pleasure and surprise were a little abated, I had leisure to look about me and to survey the company. The academicians occupied the whole of the body of the rotunda, the space taken up by the erection of our temporary tribune alone excepted, while there were sofas, chairs, tribunes, and benches arranged for the spectators, in the outer circles, and along the side-walls of the hall. As the edifice itself was very large, and mind had so essentially reduced matter in the monikin species, there could not have been less than fifty thousand tails present. Just before the ceremonies commenced, Dr. Reasono approached our tribbune, passing from one to another of the party, saying a pleasant and encouraging word to each, in a way to create high expectations in us all as to what was to follow. We were so very evidently honored and distinguished, that I struggled hard to subdue any unworthy feeling of pride, as unbecoming human meekness, and in order to maintain a philosophical equanimity under the manifestations of respect and gratitude that I knew were about to be lavished upon even the meanest of our party. The Doctor was yet in the midst of his pointed attentions, when the king's eldest first cousin of the masculine gender entered, and the business of the meeting immediately began. I profited by a short pause, however, to say a few words to my companions. I told them that there would soon be a serious demand on their modesty. We had performed a great and generous exploit, and it did not become us to lessen its merit by betraying a vainglorious self-esteem. I implored them all to take pattern by me; promising, in the end, that their new friends would trebly prize their hardihood, self-denial, and skill. There was a new member of the academy of Latent Sympathies to be received and installed. A long discourse was read by one of this department of the monikin learning, which pointed out and enlarged on the rare merits of the new academician. He was followed by the latter; who in a very elaborate production, that consumed just fifty-five minutes in the reading, tried all he could to persuade the audience that the defunct was a loss to the world, that no accident or application would ever repair, and that he himself was precisely the worst person who could have been selected to be his successor. I was a little surprised at the perfect coolness with which the learned body listened to a reproach that was so very distinctly and perseveringly thrown, as it were, into their very teeth. But a more intimate acquaintance with monikin society satisfied me, that any one might say just what he pleased, so long as he allowed that every one else was an excellent fellow, and he himself the poorest devil going. When the new member had triumphantly established his position, and just as I thought the colleagues were bound, in common honesty, to reconsider their vote, he concluded, and took his seat among them with quite as much assurance as the best philosopher of them all. After a short pause, and an abundance of felicitations on his excellent and self-abasing discourse, the newly admitted member again rose, and began to read an essay on some discoveries he had made in the science of Latent Sympathies. According to his account of the matter, every monikin possessed a fluid which was invisible, like the animalcula which pervade nature, and which required only to be brought into command, and to be reduced into more rigid laws, to become the substitute for the senses of sight, touch, taste, hearing, and smelling. This fluid was communicable; and had already been so far rendered subject to the will, as to make it of service in seeing in the dark, in smelling when the operator had a bad cold, in tasting when the palate was down, and in touching by proxy. Ideas had been transmitted, through its agency, sixty-two leagues in one minute and a half. Two monikins, who were afflicted with diseased tails, had during the last two years, been insulated and saturated, and had then lost those embellishments, by operations; a quantity of the fluid having been substituted in their places so happily, that the patients fancied themselves more than ever conspicuous for the length and finesse of their caudce. An experiment had also been successfully tried on a member of the lower house of parliament, who, being married to a monikina of unusual mind, had for a long time been supplied with ideas from this source, although his partner was compelled to remain at home, in order to superintend the management of their estate, forty-two miles from town, during the whole session. He particularly recommended to government the promotion of this science, as it might be useful in obtaining evidence for the purposes of justice, in detecting conspiracies, in collecting the taxes, and selecting candidates for trusts of a responsible nature. The suggestion was well received by the king's cousin, more especially those parts that alluded to sedition and the revenue. This essay was also perfectly well received by the savans, for I afterwards found very little came amiss to the academy; and the members named a committee forthwith, to examine into "the facts concerning invisible and unknown fluids, their agency, importance, and relations to monikin happiness." We were next favored with a discussion on the different significations of the word gorstchwzyb; which, rendered into English, means "eh!" The celebrated philologist who treated the subject, discovered amazing ingenuity in expatiating on its ramifications and deductions. First he tried the letters by transpositions, by which he triumphantly proved that it was derived from all the languages of the ancients; the same process showed that it possessed four thousand and two different significations; he next reasoned most ably and comprehensively for ten minutes, backwards and forwards, using no other word but this, applied in its various senses; after which, he incontrovertibly established that this important part of speech was so useful as to be useless, and he concluded by a proposition, in which the academy coincided by acclamation, that it should be forever and incontinently expunged from the Leaphigh vocabulary. As the vote was carried by acclamation, the king's cousin arose, and declared that the writer who should so far offend against good taste, as hereafter to make use of the condemned word, should have two inches cut off the extremity of his tail. A shudder among the ladies, who, I afterwards ascertained, loved to carry their caudae as high as our women like to carry their heads, proved the severity of the decree. An experienced and seemingly much respected member now arose to make the following proposal. He said it was known that the monikin species were fast approaching perfection; that the increase of mind and the decrease of matter were so very apparent as to admit of no denial; that, in his own case, he found his physical powers diminish daily, while his mental acquired new distinctness and force; that he could no longer see without spectacles, hear without a tube, or taste without high seasoning; from all this he inferred that they were drawing near to some important change, and he wished that portion of the science of Latent Sympathies which was connected with the unknown fluid just treated on, might be referred to a committee on the whole, in order to make some provision for the wants of a time when monikins should finally lose their senses. There was nothing to say against a proposition so plausible, and it was accepted nemine contradicente, with the exception of a few in the minority. There was now a good deal of whispering, much wagging of tails, and other indications that the real business of the meeting was about to be touched upon. All eyes were turned on Dr. Reasono, who, after a suitable pause, entered a tribune prepared for solemn occasions, and began his discourse. The philosopher, who, having committed his essay to memory, spoke extempore, commenced with a beautiful and most eloquent apostrophe to learning, and to the enthusiasm which glows in the breasts of all her real votaries, rendering them alike indifferent to their personal ease, their temporal interests, danger, suffering, and tribulations of the spirit. After this exordium, which was pronounced to be unique for its simplicity and truth, he entered at once on the history of his own recent adventures. First alluding to the admirable character of that Leaphigh usage which prescribes the Journey of Trial, our philosopher spoke of the manner in which he had been selected to accompany my lord Chatterino on an occasion so important to his future hopes. He dwelt on the physical preparations, the previous study, and the moral machinery that he had employed with his pupil, before they quitted town; all of which, there is reason to think, were well fitted to their objects, as he was constantly interrupted by murmurs of applause. After some time spent in dilating on these points, I had, at length, the satisfaction to find him, Mrs. Lynx, and their two wards, fairly setting out on a journey which, as he very justly mentioned, proved "to be pregnant with events of so much importance to knowledge in general, to the happiness of the species, and to several highly interesting branches of monikin science, in particular." I say the satisfaction, for, to own the truth, I was eager to witness the effect that would be made on the monikin sensibilities, when he came to speak of my own discernment in detecting their real characters beneath the contumely and disgrace in which it had been my good fortune to find them, the promptitude with which I had stepped forward to their relief, and the liberality and courage with which I had furnished the means and encountered the risks that were necessary to restore them to their native land. The anticipation of this human triumph could not but diffuse a general satisfaction in our own tribune--even the common mariners, as they recalled the dangers through which they had passed, feeling a consciousness of deserving, mingled with that soothing sentiment which is ever the companion of a merited reward. As the philosopher drew nearer to the time when it would be necessary to speak of us, I threw a look of triumph at Lord Chatterino, which, however, failed of its intended effect--the young peer continuing to whisper to his noble companions with just is much self-importance and coolness as if he had not been one of the rescued captives. Dr. Reasono was justly celebrated, among his colleagues, for ingenuity and eloquence. The excellent morals that he threw into every possible opening of his subject, the beauty of the figures with which they were illustrated, and the masculine tendencies of his argument, gave general delight to the audience. The Journey of Trial was made to appear, what it had been intended to be by the fathers and sages of the Leaphigh institutions, a probation replete with admonitions and instruction. The aged and experienced, who had grown callous by time, could not conceal their exultation; the mature and suffering looked grave and full of meditation; while the young and sanguine fairly trembled, and for once, doubted. But, as the philosopher led his party from precipice to precipice in safety, as rocks were scaled and seductive valleys avoided, a common feeling of security began to extend itself among the audience; and we all followed him in his last experiment among the ice, with that sort of blind confidence which the soldier comes, in time, to entertain in the orders of a tried and victorious general. The Doctor was graphic in his account of the manner in which he and his wards plunged among these new trials. The lovely Chatterissa (for all his travelling companions were present) bent aside her head and blushed, as the philosopher alluded to the manner in which the pure flame that glowed in her gentle bosom resisted the chill influence of that cold region; and when he recited an ardent declaration that my lord Chatterino had made on the centre of a floe, and the kind and amorous answer of his mistress, I thought the applause of the old academicians would have actually brought the vaulted dome clattering about our ears. At length he reached the point in the narrative where the amiable wanderers fell in with the sealers, on that unknown island to which chance and an adverse fortune had unhappily led them, in their pilgrimage. I had taken measures secretly to instruct Mr. Poke and the rest of my companions, as to the manner in which it became us to demean ourselves, while the Doctor was acquainting the academy with that first outrage committed by human cupidity, or the seizure of himself and friends. We were to rise, in a body, and, turning our faces a little on one side, veil our eyes in sign of shame. Less than this, it struck me, could scarcely be done, without manifesting an improper indifference to monikin rights; and more than this, might have been identifying ourselves with the particular individuals of the species who had perpetrated the wrong. But there was no occasion to exhibit this delicate attention to our learned hosts. The Doctor, with a refinement of feeling that did credit, indeed, to monikin civilization, gave an ingenious turn to the whole affair, which at once removed all cause of shame from our species; and which, if it left reason for any to blush, by a noble act of disinterestedness, threw the entire onus of the obligation on himself. Instead of dwelling on the ruthless manner in which he and his friends had been seized, the worthy Doctor very tranquilly informed his listeners, that, finding himself, by hazard, brought in contact with another species, and that the means of pushing important discoveries were unexpectedly placed in his power; conscious it had long been a desideratum with the savans to obtain a nearer view and more correct notions of human society; believing he had a discretion in the matter of his wards, and knowing that the inhabitants of Leaplow, a republic which all disliked, were seriously talking of sending out an expedition for this very purpose, he had promptly decided to profit by events, to push inquiry to the extent of his abilities, and to hazard all in the cause of learning and truth, by at once engaging the vessel of the sealers, and sailing, without dread of consequences, forthwith into the very bosom of the world of man! I have listened with awe to the thunder of the tropics--I have held my breath as the artillery of a fleet vomited forth its fire, and rent the air with sudden concussions--I have heard the roar of the tumbling river of the Canadas, and I have stood aghast at the crashing of a forest in a tornado;--but never before did I feel so life-stirring, so thrilling an emotion of surprise, alarm, and sympathy, as that which arose within me, at the burst of commendation and delight with which this announcement of self- devotion and enterprise was received by the audience. Tails waved, pattes met each other in ecstasy, voice whistled to voice, and there was one common cry of exultation, of rapture and of glorification, at this proof, not of monikin, for that would have been frittering away the triumph, but at this proof of Leaphigh courage. During the clamor, I took an opportunity to express my satisfaction at the handsome manner in which our friend the Doctor had passed over an acknowledged human delinquency, and the ingenuity with which he had turned the whole of the unhappy transaction to the glory of Leaphigh. Noah answered that the philosopher had certainly shown a knowledge of human natur', and he presumed of monikin natur', in the matter; no one would now dispute his statement, since, as he knew by experience, no one was so likely to be set down as a liar, as he who endeavored to unsettle the good opinion that either a community or an individual entertained of himself. This was the way at Stunin'tun, and he believed this was pretty much the way at New York, or he might say with the whole 'arth from pole to pole. As for himself, however, he owned he should like to have a few minutes' private conversation with the sealer in question, to hear his account of the matter; he didn't know any owner in his part of the world, who would bear a captain out, should be abandon a v'yage in this way, on no better security than the promises of a monkey, and of a monkey, too, who must, of necessity, be an utter stranger to him. When the tumult of applause had a little abated, Dr. Reasono proceeded with his narrative. He touched lightly on the accommodations of the schooner, which he gave us reason to think were altogether of a quality beneath the condition of her passengers; and he added that, falling in with a larger and fairer vessel, which was making a passage between Bombay and Great Britain, he profited by the occasion, to exchange ships. This vessel touched at the island of St. Helena, where, according to the Doctor's account of the matter, he found means to pass the greater part of a week on shore. Of the island of St. Helena he gave a long, scientific, and certainly an interesting account. It was reported to be volcanic, by the human savans, he said, but a minute examination and a comparison of the geological formation, etc., had quite satisfied him that their own ancient account, which was contained in the mineralogical works of Leaphigh, was the true one; or, in other words, that this rock was a fragment of the polar world that had been blown away at the great eruption, and which had become separated from the rest of the mass at this spot, where it had fallen and become a fixture of the ocean. Here the Doctor produced certain specimens of rock, which he submitted to the learned present, inviting their attention to its character, and asking, with great mineralogical confidence, if it did not intimately resemble a well-known stratum of a mountain, within two leagues of the very spot they were in? This triumphant proof of the truth of his proposition was admirably received; and the philosopher was in particular rewarded by the smiles of all the females present; for ladies usually are well pleased with any demonstration that saves them the trouble of comparison and reflection. Before quitting this branch of his subject, the Doctor observed that, interesting as were these proofs of the accuracy of their histories, and of the great revolutions of inanimate nature, there was another topic connected with St. Helena, which, he felt certain, would excite a lively emotion in the breasts of all who heard him. At the period of his visit, the island had been selected as a prison for a great conqueror and disturber of his fellow-creatures; and public attention was much drawn to the spot by this circumstance, few men coming there who did not permit all their thoughts to be absorbed by the past acts and the present fortunes of the individual in question. As for himself, there was, of course, no great attraction in any events connected with mere human greatness, the little struggles and convulsions of the species containing no particular interest for a devotee of the monikin philosophy; but the manner in which all eyes were drawn in one direction, afforded him a liberty of action that he had eagerly improved, in a way that, he humbly trusted, would not be thought altogether unworthy of their approbation. While searching for minerals among the cliffs, his attention had been drawn to certain animals that are called monkeys, in the language of those regions; which, from very obvious affinities of a physical nature, there was some reason to believe might have had a common origin with the monikin species. The academy would at once see how desirable it was to learn all the interesting particulars of the habits, language, customs, marriages, funerals, religious opinions, traditions, state of learning, and general moral condition of this interesting people, with a view to ascertain whether they were merely one of those abortions, to which, it is known, nature is in the practice of giving birth, in the outward appearance of their own species, or whether, as several of their best writers had plausibly maintained, they were indeed a portion of those whom they had been in the habit of designating as the "lost monikins." He had succeeded in getting access to a family of these beings, and in passing an entire day in their society. The result of his investigations was, that they were truly of the monikin family, retaining much of the ingenuity and many of the spiritual notions of their origin, but with their intellects sadly blunted, and perhaps their improvable qualities annihilated, by the concussion of the elements that had scattered them abroad upon the face of the earth, houseless, hopeless, regionless wanderers. The vicissitudes of climate, and a great alteration of habits, had certainly wrought some physical changes; but there still remained sufficient scientific identity to prove they were monikins. They even retained, in their traditions, some glimmerings of the awful catastrophe by which they were separated from the rest of their fellow-creatures; but these necessarily were vague and profitless. Having touched on several other points connected with these very extraordinary facts, the Doctor concluded by saying that he saw but one way in which this discovery could be turned to any practical advantage, beyond the confirmation it afforded of the truth of their own annals. He suggested the expediency of fitting out expeditions to go among these islands and seize upon a number of families, which, being transported into Leaphigh, might found a race of useful menials, who, while they would prove much less troublesome than those who possessed all the knowledge of monikins, would probably be found more intelligent and useful than any domestic animal which they at present owned. This happy application of the subject met with decided commendation. I observed that most of the elderly females put their heads together on the spot, and appeared to be congratulating each other on the prospect of being speedily relieved from their household cares. Dr. Reasono next spoke of his departure from St. Helena, and of his finally landing in Portugal. Here, agreeably to his account, he engaged certain Savoyards to act as his couriers and guides during a tour he intended to make through Portugal, Spain, Switzerland, France, etc., etc., etc. I listened with admiration. Never before had I so lively a perception of the vast difference that is effected in our views of matters and things, by the agency of an active philosophy, as was now furnished by the narrative of the speaker. Instead of complaining of the treatment he had received, and of the degradations to which he and his companions had been subjected, he spoke of it all as so much prudent submission, on his part, to the customs of the countries in which he happened to find himself, and as the means of ascertaining a thousand important facts, both moral and physical, which he proposed to submit to the academy in a separate memoir another day. At present, he was admonished by the clock to conclude, and he would therefore hasten his narrative as much as possible. The Doctor, with great ingenuousness, confessed that he could gladly have passed a year or two longer in those distant and highly interesting portions of the earth; but he could not forget that he had a duty to perform to the friends of two noble families. The Journey of Trial had been completed under the most favorable auspices, and the ladies naturally became anxious to return home. They had accordingly passed into Great Britain, a country remarkable for maritime enterprise, where he immediately commenced the necessary preparations for their sailing. A ship had been procured under the promise of allowing it to be freighted, free of custom- house charges, with the products of Leaphigh. A thousand applications had been made to him for permission to be of his party, the natives naturally enough wishing to see a civilized country; but prudence had admonished him to accept of those only who were the most likely to make themselves useful. The king of Great Britain, no mean prince in human estimation, had committed his only son and heir-apparent to his care, with a view to his improvement by travelling; and the lord high admiral himself had asked permission to take command of an expedition that was of so much importance to knowledge in general, and to his own profession in particular. Here Dr. Reasono ascended our tribune and presented Bob to the academy as the Prince-Royal of Great Britain, and Captain Poke as her lord high admiral! He pointed out certain peculiarities about the former, the smut in particular, which had become pretty effectually incorporated with the skin, as so many signs of royal birth; and ordering the youngster to uncase, he drew forth the union-jack that the lad carefully kept about his nether part as a fender, and exhibited it as his armorial bearings--a modification of its uses that would not have been very far out of the way, had another limb been substituted for the agent. As for Captain Poke, he requested the academicians to study his nautical air in general, as furnishing sufficient proof of his pursuits, and of the ordinary appearance of human sea-men. Turning to me, I was then introduced to all present as the travelling governor and personal attendant of Bob, and as a very respectable person in my way. He added, that he believed, also, I had some pretension to be the discoverer of something that was called the social-stake system; which, he dared to say, was a very creditable discovery for one of my opportunities. By this prompt substitution of employments, I found I had effectually changed places with the cabin-boy; who, instead of waiting on me, was, in future, to receive that trifling attention at my hands. The mates were presented as two rear-admirals at nurse, and the crew was said to be composed of so many post-captains in the navy of Great Britain. To conclude, the audience was given to understand that we were all brought to Leaphigh, like the minerals from St. Helena, as so many specimens of the human species! I shall not deny that Dr. Reasono had taken a very different view of himself and his acts, as well as of me and my acts, from those I had all along entertained myself; and yet, on reflection, it is so common to consider ourselves in lights very different from those in which we are viewed by others that I could not, on the whole, complain as much of his representations as I had at first thought it might become me to do. At all events, I was completely spared the necessity of blushing for my generosity and disinterestedness, and in other respects was saved the pain of viewing any part of my own conduct under a consciousness of its attracting attention by its singularity on the score of merit. I must say, nevertheless, that I was both surprised and a little indignant; but the sudden and unexpected turn that had been given to the whole affair, threw me so completely off my centre, that for the life of me, I could not say a word in my own behalf. To make the matter worse, that monkey Chatterino nodded to me kindly, as if he would show the spectators that, on the whole, he thought me a very good sort of fellow! After the lecture was over, the audience approached to examine us, taking a great many amiable liberties with our persons, and otherwise showing that we were deemed curiosities worthy of their study. The king's cousin, too, was not neglectful of us, but he had it announced to the assembly that we were entirely welcome to Leaphigh; and that, out of respect to Dr. Reasono, we were all promoted to the dignity of "honorary monikins," for the entire period of our stay in the country. He also caused it to be proclaimed that, if the boys annoyed us in the streets, they should have their tails curled with birch curling-irons. As for the Doctor himself, it was proclaimed that, in addition to his former title of F. U. D. G. E., he was now perferred* to be even M. O. R. E., and that he was also raised to the dignity of an H. O. A. X., the very highest honor to which any savant of Leaphigh could attain. [*sic] At length curiosity was appeased, and we we're permitted to descend from the tribune; the company ceasing to attend to us, in order to pay attention to each other. As I had time now to recollect myself, I did not lose a moment in taking the two mates aside, to present a proposition that we should go, in a body, before a notary, and enter a protest against the unaccountable errors into which Dr. Reasono had permitted himself to fall, whereby the truth was violated, the rights of persons invaded, humanity dishonored, and the Leaphigh philosophy misled. I cannot say that my arguments were well received; and I was compelled to quit the two rear-admirals, and to go in quest of the crew, with the conviction that the former had been purchased. An appeal to the reckless, frank, loyal natures of the common seamen, I thought, would not fail to meet with better success. Here, too, I was fated to encounter disappointment. The men swore a few hearty oaths, and affirmed that Leaphigh was a good country. They expected pay and rations, as a matter of course, in proportion to their new rank; and having tasted the sweets of command, they were not yet prepared to quarrel with their good fortune, and to lay aside the silver tankard for the tar-pot. Quitting the rascals, whose heads really appeared to be turned by their unexpected elevation, I determined to hunt up Bob, and by dint of Mr. Poke's ordinary application, compel him, at least, in despite of the union-jack, to return to a sense of his duty, and to reassume his old post as the servitor of my wants. I found the little blackguard in the midst of a bevy of monikinas of all ages, who were lavishing their attentions on his worthless person, and otherwise doing all they could to eradicate everything like humility, or any good quality that might happen to remain in him. He certainly gave me a fair opportunity to commence the attack, for he wore the union- jack over his shoulder, in the manner of a royal mantle, while the females of inferior rank pressed about him to kiss its hem! The air with which he received this adulation, fairly imposed on even me; and fearful that the monikinas might mob me, should I attempt to undeceive them--for monikinas, let them be of what species they may, always hug a delusion--I abandoned my hostile intentions for the moment, and hurried after Mr. Poke, little doubting my ability of bringing one of his natural rectitude of mind to a right way of thinking. The captain heard my remonstrances with a decent respect. He even seemed to enter into my feelings with a proper degree of sympathy. He very frankly admitted that I had not been well treated by Dr. Reasono, and he appeared to think that a private conversation with that individual might yet possibly have the effect of bringing him to a more reasonable representation of facts. But, as to any sudden and violent appeal to public opinion for justice, or an ill-advised recourse to a notary, he strenuously objected to both. The purport of his remarks was somewhat as follows:-- He was not acquainted with the Leaphigh law of protests, and, in consequence, we might spend our money in paying fees, without reaping any advantage; the Doctor, moreover, was a philosopher, an F. U. D. G. E., and an H. O. A. X., and these were fearful odds to contend against in any country, and more especially in a foreign country; he had an innate dislike for lawsuits; the loss of my station was certainly a grievance, but still it might be borne; as for himself, he never asked for the office of lord high admiral of Great Britain, but as it had been thrust upon him, why, he would do his best to sustain the character; he knew his friends at Stunin'tun would be glad to hear of his promotion, for, though in his country there were no lords, nor even any admirals, his countrymen were always exceedingly rejoiced whenever any of their fellow-citizens were preferred to those stations by anybody but themselves, seeming to think an honor conferred on one, was an honor conferred on the whole nation; he liked to confer honor on his own nation, for no people on 'arth tuck up a notion of this sort and divided it among themselves in a way to give each a share, sooner than the people of the States, though they were very cautious about leaving any portion of the credit in first hands, and therefore he was disposed to keep as much as he could while it was in his power; he believed he was a better seaman than most of the lord high admirals who had gone before him, and he had no fears on that score; he wondered whether his promotion made Miss Poke lady high admiral; as I seemed greatly put out about my own rank, he would give me the acting appointment of a chaplain (he didn't think I was qualified to be a sea-officer), and do doubt I had interest enough at home to get it confirmed; a great statesman in his country had said "that few die and none resigned," and he didn't like to be the first to set new fashions; for his part, he rather looked upon Dr. Reasono as his friend, and it was unpleasant to quarrel with one's friends; he was willing to do anything in reason, but resign, and if I could persuade the Doctor to say he had fallen into a mistake in my particular case, and that I had been sent to Leaphigh as a lord high ambassador, lord high priest, or lord high anything else, except lord high admiral, why, he was ready to swear to it--though he now gave notice, that in the event of such an arrangement, he should claim to rank me in virtue of the date of his own commission; if he gave up his appointment a minute sooner than was absolutely necessary, he should lose his own self-respect, and never dare look Miss Poke in the face again--on the whole, he should do no such thing; and, finally, he wished me a good morning, as he was about to make a call on the lord high admiral of Leaphigh. _ |
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