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Portent, a fiction by George MacDonald |
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Chapter 22. The Sleeper |
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_ CHAPTER XXII. The Sleeper It was a lovely morning in autumn. I walked to the Hall. I entered at the same gate by which I had entered first, so many years before. But it was not Mrs. Blakesley that opened it. I inquired after her, and the woman told me that she lived at the Hall now, and took care of Lady Alice. So far, this was hopeful news. I went up the same avenue, through the same wide grassy places, saw the same statue from whose base had arisen the lovely form which soon became a part of my existence. Then everything looked rich, because I had come from a poor, grand country. In all my wanderings I had seen nothing so rich; yet now it seemed poverty-stricken. That it was autumn could not account for this; for I had always found that the sadness of autumn vivified the poetic sense; and that the colours of decay had a pathetic glory more beautiful than the glory of the most gorgeous summer with all its flowers. It was winter within me--that was the reason; and I could feel no autumn around me, because I saw no spring beyond me. It had fared with my mind as with the garden in the _Sensitive Plant,_ when the lady was dead. I was amazed and troubled at the stolidity with which I walked up to the door, and, having rung the bell, waited. No sweet memories of the past arose in my mind; not one of the well-known objects around looked at me as claiming a recognition. Yet, when the door was opened, my heart beat so violently at the thought that I might see her, that I could hardly stammer out my inquiry after Mrs. Blakesley. I was shown to a room. None of the sensations I had had on first crossing the threshold were revived. I remembered them all; I felt none of them. Mrs. Blakesley came. She did not recognise me. I told her who I was. She stared at me for a moment, seemed to see the same face she had known still glimmering through all the changes that had crowded upon it, held out both her hands, and burst into tears. "Mr. Campbell," she said, "you _are_ changed! But not like her. She's the same to look at; but, oh dear!" We were both silent for some time. At length she resumed:-- "Come to my room; I have been mistress here for some time now." I followed her to the room Mrs. Wilson used to occupy. She put wine on the table. I told her my story. My labours, and my wounds, and my illness, slightly touched as I trust they were in the course of the tale, yet moved all her womanly sympathies. "What can I do for you, Mr. Campbell?" she said. "Let me see her," I replied. She hesitated for a moment. "I dare not, sir. I don't know what it might do to her. It might send her raving; and she is so quiet." "Has she ever raved?" "Not often since the first week or two. Now and then occasionally, for an hour or so, she would be wild, wanting to get out. But she gave that over altogether; and she has had her liberty now for a long time. But, Heaven bless her! at the worst she was always a lady." "And am I to go away without even seeing her?" "I am very sorry for you, Mr. Campbell." I felt hurt--foolishly, I confess--and rose. She put her hand on my arm. "I'll tell you what I'll do, sir. She always falls asleep in the afternoon; you may see her asleep, if you like." "Thank you; thank you," I answered. "That will be much better. When shall I come?" "About three o'clock." I went wandering about the woods, and at three I was again in the housekeeper's room. She came to me presently, looking rather troubled. "It is very odd," she began, the moment she entered, "but for the first time, I think, for years, she's not for her afternoon sleep." "Does she sleep at night?" I asked. "Like a bairn. But she sleeps a great deal; and the doctor says that's what keeps her so quiet. She would go raving again, he says, if the sleep did not soothe her poor brain." "Could you not let me see her when she is asleep to-night?" Again she hesitated, but presently replied:-- "I will, sir; but I trust to you never to mention it." "Of course I will not." "Come at ten o'clock, then. You will find the outer door on this side open. Go straight to my room." With renewed thanks I left her and, once again betaking myself to the woods, wandered about till night, notwithstanding signs of an approaching storm. I thus kept within the boundaries of the demesne, and had no occasion to request re-admittance at any of the gates. As ten struck on the tower-clock, I entered Mrs. Blakesley's room. She was not there. I sat down. In a few minutes she came. "She is fast asleep," she said. "Come this way." I followed, trembling. She led me to the same room Lady Alice used to occupy. The door was a little open. She pushed it gently, and I followed her in. The curtains towards the door were drawn. Mrs. Blakesley took me round to the other side.--There lay the lovely head, so phantom-like for years, coming only in my dreams; filling now, with a real presence, the eyes that had longed for it, as if in them dwelt an appetite of sight. It calmed my heart at once, which had been almost choking me with the violence of its palpitation. "That is not the face of insanity," I said to myself. "It is clear as the morning light." As I stood gazing, I made no comparisons between the past and the present, although I was aware of some difference--of some measure of the unknown fronting me; I was filled with the delight of beholding the face I loved--full, as it seemed to me, of mind and womanhood; sleeping--nothing more. I murmured a fervent "Thank God!" and was turning away with a feeling of satisfaction for all the future, and a strange great hope beginning to throb in my heart, when, after a little restless motion of her head on the pillow, her patient lips began to tremble. My soul rushed into my ears. "Mr. Campbell," she murmured, "I cannot spell; what am I to do to learn?" The unexpected voice, naming my name, sounded in my ears like a voice from the far-off regions where sighing is over. Then a smile gleamed up from the depths unseen, and broke and melted away all over her face. But her nurse had heard her speak, and now approached in alarm. She laid hold of my arm, and drew me towards the door. I yielded at once, but heard a moan from the bed as I went. I looked back--the curtains hid her from my view. Outside the door, Mrs. Blakesley stood listening for a moment, and then led the way downstairs. "You made her restless. You see, sir, she never was like other people, poor dear!" "Her face is not like one insane," I rejoined. "I often think she looks more like herself when she's asleep," answered she. "And then I have often seen her smile. She never smiles when she's awake. But, gracious me, Mr. Campbell! what _shall_ I do?" This exclamation was caused by my suddenly falling back in my chair and closing my eyes. I had almost fainted. I had eaten nothing since breakfast; and had been wandering about in a state of excitement all day. I greedily swallowed the glass of wine she brought me, and then first became aware that the storm which I had seen gathering while I was in the woods had now broken loose. "What a night in the old hall!" thought I. The wind was dashing itself like a thousand eagles against the house, and the rain was trampling the roofs and the court like troops of galloping steeds. I rose to go. But Mrs. Blakesley interfered. "You don't leave this house to-night, Mr. Campbell," she said. "I won't have your death laid at my door." I laughed. "Dear Mrs. Blakesley,--" I said, seeing her determined. "I won't hear a word," she interrupted. "I wouldn't let a horse out in such a tempest. No, no; you shall just sleep in your old quarters, across the passage there." I did not care for any storm. It hardly even interested me. That beautiful face filled my whole being. But I yielded to Mrs. Blakesley, and not unwillingly. _ |
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