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Lord Jim, by Joseph Conrad

CHAPTER 30

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_ 'He told me further that he didn't know what made him hang
on--but of course we may guess. He sympathised deeply with the
defenceless girl, at the mercy of that "mean, cowardly scoundrel."
It appears Cornelius led her an awful life, stopping only short of
actual ill-usage, for which he had not the pluck, I suppose. He
insisted upon her calling him father--"and with respect, too--with
respect," he would scream, shaking a little yellow fist in her face.
"I am a respectable man, and what are you? Tell me--what are
you? You think I am going to bring up somebody else's child and
not be treated with respect? You ought to be glad I let you. Come--
say Yes, father. . . . No? . . . You wait a bit." Thereupon he would
begin to abuse the dead woman, till the girl would run off with her
hands to her head. He pursued her, dashing in and out and round
the house and amongst the sheds, would drive her into some corner,
where she would fall on her knees stopping her ears, and then he
would stand at a distance and declaim filthy denunciations at her
back for half an hour at a stretch. "Your mother was a devil, a
deceitful devil--and you too are a devil," he would shriek in a final
outburst, pick up a bit of dry earth or a handful of mud (there
was plenty of mud around the house), and fling it into her hair.
Sometimes, though, she would hold out full of scorn, confronting
him in silence, her face sombre and contracted, and only now and
then uttering a word or two that would make the other jump and
writhe with the sting. Jim told me these scenes were terrible. It was
indeed a strange thing to come upon in a wilderness. The endlessness
of such a subtly cruel situation was appalling--if you think of
it. The respectable Cornelius (Inchi 'Nelyus the Malays called him,
with a grimace that meant many things) was a much-disappointed
man. I don't know what he had expected would be done for him in
consideration of his marriage; but evidently the liberty to steal, and
embezzle, and appropriate to himself for many years and in any
way that suited him best, the goods of Stein's Trading Company
(Stein kept the supply up unfalteringly as long as he could get his
skippers to take it there) did not seem to him a fair equivalent
for the sacrifice of his honourable name. Jim would have enjoyed
exceedingly thrashing Cornelius within an inch of his life; on the
other hand, the scenes were of so painful a character, so abominable,
that his impulse would be to get out of earshot, in order to spare
the girl's feelings. They left her agitated, speechless, clutching her
bosom now and then with a stony, desperate face, and then Jim
would lounge up and say unhappily, "Now--come--really--what's
the use--you must try to eat a bit," or give some such mark of
sympathy. Cornelius would keep on slinking through the doorways,
across the verandah and back again, as mute as a fish, and with
malevolent, mistrustful, underhand glances. "I can stop his game,"
Jim said to her once. "Just say the word." And do you know what
she answered? She said--Jim told me impressively--that if she had
not been sure he was intensely wretched himself, she would have
found the courage to kill him with her own hands. "Just fancy that!
The poor devil of a girl, almost a child, being driven to talk like
that," he exclaimed in horror. It seemed impossible to save her not
only from that mean rascal but even from herself! It wasn't that he
pitied her so much, he affirmed; it was more than pity; it was as if
he had something on his conscience, while that life went on. To
leave the house would have appeared a base desertion. He had
understood at last that there was nothing to expect from a longer
stay, neither accounts nor money, nor truth of any sort, but he
stayed on, exasperating Cornelius to the verge, I won't say of
insanity, but almost of courage. Meantime he felt all sorts of dangers
gathering obscurely about him. Doramin had sent over twice a
trusty servant to tell him seriously that he could do nothing for his
safety unless he would recross the river again and live amongst the
Bugis as at first. People of every condition used to call, often in the
dead of night, in order to disclose to him plots for his assassination.
He was to be poisoned. He was to be stabbed in the bath-house.
Arrangements were being made to have him shot from a boat on
the river. Each of these informants professed himself to be his very
good friend. It was enough--he told me--to spoil a fellow's rest for
ever. Something of the kind was extremely possible--nay, probable--but
the lying warnings gave him only the sense of deadly scheming going on
all around him, on all sides, in the dark. Nothing more calculated to
shake the best of nerve. Finally, one night, Cornelius himself, with
a great apparatus of alarm and secrecy, unfolded in solemn wheedling
tones a little plan wherein for one hundred dollars--or even for
eighty; let's say eighty--he, Cornelius, would procure a trustworthy
man to smuggle Jim out of the river, all safe. There was nothing else
for it now--if Jim cared a pin for his life. What's eighty dollars?
A trifle. An insignificant sum. While he, Cornelius, who had to
remain behind, was absolutely courting death by this proof of devotion
to Mr. Stein's young friend. The sight of his abject grimacing was--Jim
told me--very hard to bear: he clutched at his hair, beat his breast,
rocked himself to and fro with his hands pressed to his stomach, and
actually pretended to shed tears. "Your blood be on your own head,"
he squeaked at last, and rushed out. It is a curious question how far
Cornelius was sincere in that performance. Jim confessed to me that he
did not sleep a wink after the fellow had gone. He lay on his back on
a thin mat spread over the bamboo flooring, trying idly to make out the
bare rafters, and listening to the rustlings in the torn thatch. A star
suddenly twinkled through a hole in the roof. His brain was in a
whirl; but, nevertheless, it was on that very night that he matured
his plan for overcoming Sherif Ali. It had been the thought of all
the moments he could spare from the hopeless investigation into
Stein's affairs, but the notion--he says--came to him then all at
once. He could see, as it were, the guns mounted on the top of the
hill. He got very hot and excited lying there; sleep was out of the
question more than ever. He jumped up, and went out barefooted
on the verandah. Walking silently, he came upon the girl, motionless
against the wall, as if on the watch. In his then state of mind it
did not surprise him to see her up, nor yet to hear her ask in an
anxious whisper where Cornelius could be. He simply said he did
not know. She moaned a little, and peered into the campong. Everything
was very quiet. He was possessed by his new idea, and so full
of it that he could not help telling the girl all about it at once. She
listened, clapped her hands lightly, whispered softly her admiration,
but was evidently on the alert all the time. It seems he had
been used to make a confidant of her all along--and that she on her
part could and did give him a lot of useful hints as to Patusan affairs
there is no doubt. He assured me more than once that he had never
found himself the worse for her advice. At any rate, he was proceeding
to explain his plan fully to her there and then, when she pressed
his arm once, and vanished from his side. Then Cornelius appeared
from somewhere, and, perceiving Jim, ducked sideways, as though
he had been shot at, and afterwards stood very still in the dusk. At
last he came forward prudently, like a suspicious cat. "There were
some fishermen there--with fish," he said in a shaky voice. "To
sell fish--you understand." . . . It must have been then two o'clock
in the morning--a likely time for anybody to hawk fish about!

'Jim, however, let the statement pass, and did not give it a single
thought. Other matters occupied his mind, and besides he had
neither seen nor heard anything. He contented himself by saying,
"Oh!" absently, got a drink of water out of a pitcher standing there,
and leaving Cornelius a prey to some inexplicable emotion--that
made him embrace with both arms the worm-eaten rail of the verandah
as if his legs had failed--went in again and lay down on his mat
to think. By-and-by he heard stealthy footsteps. They stopped. A
voice whispered tremulously through the wall, "Are you asleep?"
"No! What is it?" he answered briskly, and there was an abrupt
movement outside, and then all was still, as if the whisperer had
been startled. Extremely annoyed at this, Jim came out impetuously,
and Cornelius with a faint shriek fled along the verandah as far
as the steps, where he hung on to the broken banister. Very puzzled,
Jim called out to him from the distance to know what the devil he
meant. "Have you given your consideration to what I spoke to you
about?" asked Cornelius, pronouncing the words with difficulty, like a
man in the cold fit of a fever. "No!" shouted Jim in a passion.
"I have not, and I don't intend to. I am going to live here, in
Patusan." "You shall d-d-die h-h-here," answered Cornelius, still
shaking violently, and in a sort of expiring voice. The whole
performance was so absurd and provoking that Jim didn't know
whether he ought to be amused or angry. "Not till I have seen you
tucked away, you bet," he called out, exasperated yet ready to
laugh. Half seriously (being excited with his own thoughts, you
know) he went on shouting, "Nothing can touch me! You can do
your damnedest." Somehow the shadowy Cornelius far off there
seemed to be the hateful embodiment of all the annoyances and
difficulties he had found in his path. He let himself go--his nerves
had been over-wrought for days--and called him many pretty
names,--swindler, liar, sorry rascal: in fact, carried on in an
extraordinary way. He admits he passed all bounds, that he was quite
beside himself--defied all Patusan to scare him away--declared he
would make them all dance to his own tune yet, and so on, in a
menacing, boasting strain. Perfectly bombastic and ridiculous, he
said. His ears burned at the bare recollection. Must have been off
his chump in some way. . . . The girl, who was sitting with us,
nodded her little head at me quickly, frowned faintly, and said, "I
heard him," with child-like solemnity. He laughed and blushed.
What stopped him at last, he said, was the silence, the complete
deathlike silence, of the indistinct figure far over there, that seemed
to hang collapsed, doubled over the rail in a weird immobility.
He came to his senses, and ceasing suddenly, wondered greatly at
himself. He watched for a while. Not a stir, not a sound. "Exactly
as if the chap had died while I had been making all that noise," he
said. He was so ashamed of himself that he went indoors in a hurry
without another word, and flung himself down again. The row
seemed to have done him good though, because he went to sleep
for the rest of the night like a baby. Hadn't slept like that for weeks.
"But _I_ didn't sleep," struck in the girl, one elbow on the table and
nursing her cheek. "I watched." Her big eyes flashed, rolling a
little, and then she fixed them on my face intently.' _

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